


Rescue

by phoenixfire_19



Series: Rescue and Recovery [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:55:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 53,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23927242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixfire_19/pseuds/phoenixfire_19
Summary: Y/N is a sophomore in college who is best friends with Peter Parker. She has been emotionally abused by her family for years and finally decides to seek help and freedom, invited by Peter Parker to stay with the Avengers for summer break. Lots of Iron Dad love and general fluff but also dealing with trauma.
Relationships: Avengers Team/Reader, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff/Reader
Series: Rescue and Recovery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908907
Comments: 214
Kudos: 340





	1. Story Idea and Notes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody, welcome to my first ever fanfic! I dont really know how this site works as a creator so bear with me. Anyway, this first chapter is just going to be a basic overview of what I`m doing with this story. I`ll post the actual first chapter later today. Enjoy!

Hi everybody! This is my first ever fanfic! Over this quarantine, I have read way too much Avengers fanfic, to the point where I was bored and didn’t even know what I was looking for to read. So, I decided that I was going to write the fanfic I wanted to read. I am a new Avengers fan, so I don’t know everything there is about the timeline and canon; if I make a mistake, please kindly let me know and i`ll be happy to fix it! Don’t know how this is going to go but I want to try!

This story opens 3 years after the events of Endgame. I am choosing to ignore Tony`s death; in this story, Tony survived the snap because all the Avengers joined hands for the snap, like the myth. I`ll probably address this in a flashback at some point but I felt it was important to explain at the beginning. And also, Pietro never died. Just nope. So, ground info to start off.

Peter Parker is a freshman in college at Clearview University(made this up) in New York State. He is close enough to the base that he is able to go on important missions when necessary but lives in the college dorms otherwise because Tony wants him to achieve his highest potential as himself before becoming a full time Avenger. When he isn’t at college, Peter stays at the Compound with the other Avengers. I`m not going to go into huge detail about how he becomes friends with the main character right away, that will be told mainly through flashbacks. I`m going to start out by doing a Reader-centric fanfic, with Y/N inserts but that might go away, I dunno yet. 

I will not be writing smut in this work; this is a cathartic release of my own struggles and I don’t want to change the purpose and meaning of this. All relationships will be strictly platonic until I decide who I want to pair Y/N with eventually. You can comment suggestions but heads-up, I will not pair Y/N with Tony or Peter. I see Tony as such a dad that I would be uncomfortable writing a relationship and Peter is such a small bean, I see him a such a little brother that I would also be uncomfy with that. But anyone else is free game!

In case it wasnt really clear yet, Y/N has suffered from emotional abuse, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. These are some really mature themes and there are going to be chapters with panic attacks, self harm, and descriptions of emotional abuse. If these themes trigger you in any way, please do what is best for you and dont read them. Your mental health is more important than any fanfic. I will be labelling chapters that have self harm or excessive abuse situations but if you have been abused or know someone who has, you know that the habits and triggers caused by abuse are integrated into daily life. Therefore, I would have to label every single chapter with a warning but I`m just going to trust you all. 

So, final outline of the background info. Tony pushed Peter to go to Clearview University to pursue his education while being in the Avengers Reserves. Peter has a really great group of friends, his best friend(completely platonic) being you. However, you have a difficult past and Peter is worried for you so he decides to involve Iron Dad, Tony Stark. Our story begins one week before summer break while Peter is home for the weekend to escape pre-finals cramming stress….


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter opens up to Tony about his worry for Y/N. Tony offers to help. Seriousness but also Iron Dad fluff.

It was 11pm on a Saturday and the great Tony Stark, king of sleep deprivation, wanted to go to bed. Pepper had taken a girls night, leaving Tony to tackle Morgan`s bedtime. And putting a 6 year old to bed took every ounce of patience he had. After tucking Morgan in for the 3rd time that night, he hoped she was finally asleep. He headed back down the hall of his family`s floor to their kitchen and living room. Peter was sitting on the couch, furiously typing out a last minute paper. At least, he had been when Tony had taken Morgan back to bed. Now, Peter was lounging on the couch, laptop forgotten, with his phone in his hands. Tony frowned and cleared his throat. Peter jumped, looking over his shoulder at Tony, who stood at the counter with his hands on his hips.

“Peter, I thought you said this paper was due at 11:59. Tonight” he said, giving his best you-are-making-bad-decisions glare. Peter rolled his eyes and turned back to his phone.

“Well, I thought spontaneity and recklessness was your thing” Peter threw over his shoulder. “It`ll get done”.

Fighting down both pride and frustration, Tony sighed, walking to the couch and plucking the phone out of Peter`s hands. 

“Daaaaad noooo…..” Peter exclaimed, jumping up and moving after Tony, who had frozen on his way to the kitchen table. Peter stopped too, both realizing what he had just said. Tony slowly turned around.

“First off, we`ll address THAT at a later date, preferably when I`m not running on 4 hours of sleep.” Tony replied, slipping the phone into his pocket while he went over to the kitchen table. He started wiping up the melted juice pop puddles from Morgan`s late night snack. “Second, youre not getting your phone back until 11:50. Since your paper is due at 11:59 and you`ll clearly need it to call the gods of miracle grading”.

Peter unfroze and shifted nervously. “Listen, Mr. Stark, I really need my phone back” he pressed.

Tony finished wiping up the table and started washing his hands. “Kid, you need to at least feel the anxiety and guilt of certain failure over your head before cheating. Havent I taught you anything?” he gasped in mock hurt.

Peter sighed. “No, its not like that. The paper is done. All I can say is that I`m in the middle of a really important conversation right now and I need to be there for this person. Please, can I have it back?”

Tony hesitated, giving Peter the once over before drying his hands on a towel and fishing the phone out of his pocket.

“Here, kid” Tony could see Peter visibly relax as he took the phone back and sent off a quick text. Tony frowned at the hurried action. “Is everything ok?”

Peter looked up at Tony and sighed. How could he even begin to explain? You were a really private person, even getting you to open up to him was a struggle. Peter didn’t think that part of your trust came with “oh yeah and feel free to tell the Avengers everything”. But this had been weighing on him for too long.

Peter ran a hand over his tired face and collapsed into a kitchen chair. “No, things aren’t ok. I`m really worried about my friend”.

Tony took all the emotions running over Peter`s face. Its going to be a long night, he thought as he hung the towel back up on the oven and came to sit next to you. “Which friend?” he asked.

“Y/N… i…She….” Peter paused, unsure of how to continue.

“Don’t tell me you got her pregnant…” Tony practically begged. He could not even think about how to deal with that situation and- Tony`s internal tangent of worst case scenarios was interrupted when Peter burst out, “God, no! Is everything a joke with you???”

Tony froze, shocked by Peter`s anger. Peter looked like he was about to cry as he broke, “No, I`m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Its just Y/N is… I don’t even know what to do anymore. I can`t tell you everything because its not my place but…. I don’t know what to do. I need help. She needs help.” As if on cue, his phone went off. Peter instantly opened it and his face fell, sending off a quick text before putting the phone down. Tony waited as Peter took a deep breath. “Y/N is my best friend. We met at Clearview at the beginning of the year. She`s a sophomore”–internally, Tony smirked. Older women. Peter continued.

“She`s so incredible, Mr. Stark. She`s so kind and caring, she brings sunshine wherever she goes. And she has this incredible voice and writes music. She is literally the nicest and strongest person I have ever met.” Tony sensed a but in there somewhere. “Do you like her?” he pressed.

Peter shook his head. “No, we`re just friends. Something she really needs right now.” He glanced at his phone again before he continued. “Y/N….she`s a mess. She`s struggling a lot. Emotionally. Has been, for a really long time and she feels so alone. She`s tired of fighting and I`m scared for her. And its even worse because–“ here Peter stopped, trying to take a deep breath as he started to cry. “Her family is shit, Dad. I can`t tell you everything but she`s been being emotionally abused for years and no one has ever been able to do anything about it and she`s too afraid and confused to stick up for herself. Every time we come back from break, she`s shut herself down and closed herself off and we have to gently bring her back and every single break it gets worse. She`s so alone, Dad. And I don’t know how to help her. She`s freaking out right now because break is coming and she knows it. She knows she has a whole summer ahead of her and she has no idea how she`s going to get through it. She keeps telling me that she isn’t strong enough, she can`t keep fighting for herself anymore because she`s losing herself. But she can`t do anything because they`re in her head. She keeps making excuses for them but it`s destroying her. And if she goes back there this summer, I don’t know if she`ll come back!” Peter stopped with tears running down his face. Tony sat, watching the pain and fear unfold on Peter`s face. He reached over and offered a tissue, which Peter accepted. He took Peter`s hand.

“Kid…..I`m really sorry. This…...sounds awful. Does she have any family or friends who she`d be able to stay with?” 

Peter snorted. “As if they`d let her go anywhere. She`s 20 years old but she doesn’t want to face them. She`s afraid to put her foot down and just go. She`s been planning on leaving since she was in high school but she`s scared because she knows that there`s no going back from that. They would never take her back. And then she`d be alone. She`s so freaking strong and kind, she keeps saying that they`re her family and they love her, and she fights for them and forgives them and does everything she can to make them happy, even when it destroys her!” Peter looked down at his hands. When he spoke, Tony`s heart broke. “Dad, what do I do?”

Tony sighed, imagining that if Peter was this afraid, then Y/N must be going through hell. “Peter, we`re the Avengers. We can keep her safe. And she`s 20, she can legally leave. But she has to make the decision. If she`s so worked up right now, she might be brave enough if you stand by her, if we stand by her. And it`s going to be really hard. I trust you and believe that she`s gone through way too much and its going to take a lot to help her heal from that. I want to help you but it has to start as her decision.”

Peter nodded. “I know. She`s been expressing that more and more lately. But the fact that she`s recognizing what she needs, its making her even more scared. I`ll talk to her, ask her to come stay with us. But I don’t know what I`ll do if she says no.” Tony closed his eyes. “We`ll take it day by day, kid.”

Peter smiled sadly, checking his phone again before standing up. “i`m going to go to bed. You`re taking me back to Clearview tomorrow, right?”

Tony chuckled wryly. “I think so, it`ll depend on whether I can slip out from under Morgan`s nose.” Peter laughed and walked over to the elevator. As he waited, he turned to Tony.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Stark. For listening and understanding and offering to help. Y/N`s a really incredible person and she means a lot to me.” Tony came over and hugged him. “Of course, kid. I want to help her. From what I`ve heard, no one should have to go through this.”

Peter smiled sadly as he stepped onto the elevator. “You don’t know the half of it. See you tomorrow, Mr. Stark”.

The doors slid shut as Tony sighed, turning and heading down the hall to his room. He stopped outside Morgan`s room, looking in and seeing her asleep in bed. He sighed, imagining what things Y/N had gone through, whether or not she had ever slept soundly like Morgan. At that moment, Tony decided he was going to do everything in his power to help you. He was going to prove to you that you deserved love and he was going to protect you. Walking into his room, he shut the door behind him. Looking at the clock, it read 12:05 as he asked FRIDAY to pull up any information on a Y/F/N Y/L/N.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, first chapter! I`m really excited about this, I had a lot of fun writing it. Especially Tony`s general shenanigans at the beginning. Tony is just such a loving soul and it makes me really happy. He is a tired dad right now so he`s not super defensive for Y/N but oh we will get there. Let me know what you guys think! I have another two chapters written as of right now so there`s more coming soon!


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper and Tony being an adorable married couple.

Tony was sitting on the bed with a laptop when Pepper came in. She looked at her husband, who glanced up and smiled tiredly. “How was girls night?”

“It was a lot of fun, I really needed it. How was Morgan?” Pepper asked, kicking off her heels on her way to the closet. Tony chuckled. “Do you mean the second time she got out of bed or the third time, where she coerced me into juice pops?” 

Pepper smiled as she hung up her dress and slipped into pajamas. Her daughter had taken after her, all right. No one else could convince Tony to do anything quite so quickly. She made her way to their bathroom to take off her makeup and get ready for bed. “You know, one of these days its going to be something more serious than juice pops and we`ll have a mutiny on our hands.”

Tony groaned. “Yeah I know. Cant have her take after me too much. But as long as I`m getting juice pops out of it too, its okay.” Pepper laughed. Tony continued reading, looking at report after report filed by school teachers and friends of Y/N for her safety and stability. He had even found hospital reports from an inpatient and outpatient unit. But nothing conclusive, nothing concrete. Nothing that proved that anyone took you seriously or believed you. He didn`t notice how distracted he was until Pepper climbed into bed and snuggled into his shoulder. “What are you doing?” she asked, squinting at the screen.

He glanced at the clock. 2:11. “I`m reading up on a friend of Peter`s. He`s really worried about her. And frankly, I am too. He talked to me tonight because he thinks she needs a place to stay. So I started looking into it with FRIDAY…” 

“Hmm you mean stalking” Pepper interrupted. Tony rolled his eyes. “Technically, FRIDAY`s doing the stalking. I`m just reading her results”. Pepper laughed quietly.

“Anyway” Tony continued. “she has all these reports, all these records, and they all come up empty. They all show that there`s clearly an issue but nothing about if anyone tried to intervene or fix anything. I even found this hospital report…” he says as he flips to the open tab, “which says she checked herself in to an inpatient unit in high school but there are absolutely no follow-ups or documentation of anything that shows that her parents were held accountable.”

Pepper sighed. “Oh Tony, and you thought you never had a heart. I have a feeling we`re about to accidentally adopt another kid.” Tony shut his laptop.

“Oh sweetheart, there is no accidentally about it. I need to help this kid. I keep thinking about Morgan and if she had to feel like Y/N does. And I barely know anything about the situation, I just know what Peter told me tonight and I trust him.”

“You`d do anything for him, Tony. And I trust you.”

Tony smiled as he turned off the lights. He curled around Pepper, thankful every day for her strength and love. His heart ached as he wondered whether or not Y/N had ever been held or felt loved. He hugged Pepper a little tighter, breathing her in. 

“Oh, and Pepper?”

She murmured a half asleep “yeah?”

“Peter officially called me Dad today. So, I think that means I won that bet.”

Pepper chuckled as she lightly smacked him with her pillow. “Yeah, okay Iron Dad. Whatever makes you feel better. Just know that he called me Mom two weeks ago.” Tony huffed before pulling her in closer. As he started drifting off, he murmured “It does make me feel better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i have no self control and wrote all day instead of doing homework. this chapter is kinda short so Im about to post another chapter tonight and then more tomorrow.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally meet Y/N!(sorry i took so long). Basically, this is just a flashback/your point of view over what happened in the conversatino with Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short little chapter before getting into serious stuff. slight angst but nothing serious.

Y/N was laying under a tree outside her dorm, looking up at the great sky. You knew you should be studying but didn’t have the energy. You had been talking to Peter last night and after you gave up on talking, had stayed awake until 4 am because you couldn’t stop thinking. You remembered your conversation last night, another failed attempt at reaching out.

~

Y/N: hi how are you

Peter: I`m doing good, just finished the thesis paper…finally… 😊

Peter: How are you?

Y/N: ive been better

Y/N: it was a rough day but im still here so thats good

Peter: Yay! That’s good!

Peter: Why was it rough?

Y/N: im just really tired. theres too much going on right now. do you have time to talk?

(five minutes later)

Y/N: its ok, nevermind. im just going to go to bed.

Peter: I`m so sorry, my dad borrowed my phone for a second. Are you sure? I`m free now.

Y/N: no its ok

Y/N: goodnight, get some sleep

Peter: Goodnight! Talk to you tomorrow!

~

And then you had put the phone down and sat awake for hours. You had wanted to talk so badly but you were so afraid. Peter was clearly busy and you didn’t want to bother him with a phone call. And texting……well, that was almost useless. Your parents still had the Qustodio software on your phone and could read every text message you sent, everything you did, and when you did it. Even though you were 20 years old, that didn’t matter. They needed to have control over your life and you had no choice but to give it to them. Apparently, you were going to be stuck with Qustodio until you were married and then it would be your husband`s turn. You sighed. It was so old now, you were over it. It was so stressful to reach out to people or talk to anyone over text; you felt like you had to alter everything you said, like you were always looking over your shoulder. You could never be honest and it was so frustrating.

I`ll never be free, you thought sadly. The phone was just one thing but it had the most effect on you. And a whole summer…you felt yourself starting to panic and quickly shoved it down. Underneath, you were terrified of having to get through a whole summer (again) by yourself there with them. You knew that logically, you could leave but that would ruin your family forever. You could never go back and be loved again. It had taken so long to even get them a little better, you were afraid to risk that. And it would destroy your siblings; they would be crushed and then they would hate you. Especially your youngest brother, Carter. You loved him more than anything, he was your sunshine. So you`d just keep on taking it, for them. And its fine. Even though you`re not fine, you have to be. 

You closed your eyes against the world, trying to summon up the courage to do some last minute studying. As you started to sit up, you heard a voice behind you. “Y/N!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know how you guys like it so far!


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N hangs out with Peter and you talk about why you weren`t okay last night. When you express how much you don`t want to go home, Peter offers that you can stay with him but you`re scared. Also, its finals week for you both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! I just wrote three pages of my thesis paper (yay me!) so I decided to treat myself and you all to another chapter, which is a lot longer than the last two. This one talks a little bit about coping mechanisms and repressed trauma but nothing is in detail. But if this very topic triggers you, please do what`s safe for you!

You turn around to see Peter jogging toward you, slightly out of breath. “Hey I just got back.”

You smiled. “How was your weekend? Did you fight any bad guys?” you teased.

“Nah, unless you count philosophy as a villain.” He joked back.

You groaned. “I definitely do. I can`t believe we had that paper due and the final tomorrow.” You and Peter were in the same philosophy class because of a mix-up in your scheduling last year. Normally, you would be uncomfortable being in a freshman course but it helped you and Peter grow closer so you didn’t mind. It was nice to have someone to suffer with through finals. Thankfully, you had two finals each day (Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday) so you could have a couple extra days to pack up your dorm and breathe before….well, the summer.

“Yeah, how`s studying going?” Peter asked as he sat down next to you on the grass.

You sighed. “Oh its going. Going without me.” You paused as Peter laughed. “I tried, Peter, I did my best to study. I won`t fail my exams but I don’t think I`m going to do fabulous.”

Peter said, “That’s okay, Y/N.”

“I know, its good enough for me. But my parents will hate that.”

Peter shifted. “Speaking of which, how are you?”

“I`m fine.”

You didn’t even need to look at Peter to see the doubt written all over his face. You sighed. “Okay well no. Im not fine. But I`m trying not to think about it because its really overwhelming when I do.”

Peter looked over at you. “I was really worried about you last night. What happened?”

“It just…..wasn`t a good night. I mean, I`m safe, nothing happened but I stared at the box for a long time.”

The box was one of your coping mechanisms. You had come up with the idea when you were first trying to explain your feelings and patterns with depression to Peter. Basically, there`s this glass box in your mind. Your mind is usually all bright and colorful, like splotches of watercolors. But there`s this glass box in the very center of this colorful room that has this dark shadow in it, like the Obscurus in the Fantastic Beasts movie. The dark shadow is all of your trauma and sadness; you’ve shoved it all into this box to forget about it and thrown a blanket over it. As long as the blanket is over it, everything is fine and you can function as normal. But when something bad happens, like a fight with your parents or fear about a situation, the blanket gets ripped off the box by that event. So now, you`re stuck in that room staring at the darkness inside that box. It`s contained but you are seeing and feeling all the emotions from the things you’ve been through, even though they already happened. That’s when you get all mellow and sad for no reason, kind of held captive by the memories. And then sometimes, when something really bad happens, it cracks the box when it rips off the blanket, letting the shadows get all angry and restless and start to drip out of the box. That’s when you are unstable and dangerous to yourself, because everything is overwhelming you and you can`t see anything else. That’s when bad things happen.

But thankfully, there was none of that last night. Thankfully, last night was just staring at the box. Yeah, it still sucked, to be stuck there in all that sadness but it could’ve been worse.

Peter watched you, lost in your head. “What ripped off the blanket?”

You blinked. “Oh, just the realization that I have less than a week left here before I have to go back.” You took a deep breath. “Peter, I really don’t know how I`m going to get through it this time. I`ve been doing this for too long. It really sucks, having to go back and pretend to be fine and let yourself be brainwashed and scrambled, knowing how much recovery it will take until suddenly, you can`t remember any more and you think everything is okay. I don’t want to go, I`m not ready for this year to be over yet.” you begged the universe, letting yourself peek at the box for a second.

Peter sighed, reaching out to hold your pinky. That was an unspoken thing between you two, sometimes being touched freaked you out but you had agreed that holding pinkies was okay no matter what. Peter took a deep breath.

“Y/N, you know you don’t have to go back.”

You crumbled a little bit. “I know but–“

“No buts. I talked to Mr. Stark a little, not telling him about your situation but just asking if you could stay with us, whether it was for a couple weeks or the whole summer, and he`s fine with it. He wants to help you, Y/N, and I do too. Please, let us help you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

You looked at Peter, scanning his eyes. “Peter, I don’t want to involve the great Tony Stark in this. I don’t want to involve anyone in this. My family will hate me forever, spilling our secrets to the world like that. Besides, Carter needs me and they need me–“

“But what do you need, Y/N? You can`t just keep giving and giving like this, you`re giving yourself away! You need to heal, you need to let someone take care of you for once in your life. You deserve love, Y/N. More than anyone else in the whole world.

You smile sadly. “No I don’t, Peter. I`m not special, I`m not a superhero. I`m pretty sure I`m not even allowed into the Compound in the first place. No one needs to worry about me, I got this. I always have. And if I fail this time, well, I guess that’s just life.”

In your heart, you wanted to accept Peter`s invitation so badly. You wanted to just crumble and let the important people swoop in and save you. But you knew that would only make things worse with your family. You would be rejecting them forever and it would be your fault.

“Please think about it, Y/N. Please. You are so strong but you`re falling apart right now and you need help. And not from your family. You need to get out of there. We can protect you.” Peter begged. You knew he was right but you also knew that you’ve tried this before. You settled for a quick pinky hug before standing up.

“I`ll think about it, Peter. It’s a lot and I don’t know if I`m ready to leave everything behind yet. They`re my family and I`m supposed to stick it out with them. Besides, its not even really their fault. This is just me, struggling and overreacting. I`ll be fine.”

Peter sighed as he stood up. “Just think about it.” 

You smiled. “We have to go study. Neither of us will be going anywhere if we fail this exam.” You both laugh as you trudge up towards the dorm back to the endless pile of books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come soon! Im trying to focus on writing my three papers right now but I have a couple chapters completed and waiting that I`ll release over the next couple of days.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Wednesday and exams are over for Y/N and Peter. Unfortunately, a misunderstanding with Y/N`s mom leads to a panic attack. Peter is there to help you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So this chapter starts to deal with some of the heavier themes of this work. We see a little bit of the emotional abuse side of Y/N`s life and how Y/N experiences panic attacks. There is also a little bit of "Language!" So, if you are triggered by these themes, probably dont read this chapter. Skip to the end notes of the chapter and I`ll provide a trigger-free summary!

You stumbled into your room, dropping your bag on the floor with a thud and falling into your bed. Finally. You were free. Exams were over. You let out a giggle of hysteria as you relaxed into your mattress, quickly twirling the blankets into a cocoon around you. You closed your eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. You had finally found the strength to study and had worked really hard on your exams. A nap was in order. Feeling proud of yourself, you fell asleep quickly for the first time in awhile.

(3 hours later)

You woke up to a gentle knock on your door, heart racing a little. You sat up, groggily rubbing your face as you called, “Come in!”

The door opened to reveal one Peter Parker with a grocery bag in his hand. “Well good morning, I guess” he laughed. You blinked. “Wait what time is it?”

Peter closed the door. “Its only 8:30pm, I`m just kidding. You weren’t at dinner so I brought you food.” He set it down on your desk while taking off his shoes. “You ok? Good nap?”

You smiled, finally awake. “Great nap! I slept really well, exams are over! We are free!” You both laughed as you greedily grabbed at the takeout box from the cafeteria. He had gotten you Y/F/F, a perfect celebratory meal and it was still warm. You started to eat as he hopped up on the bed with you. “So, ow wuh yuh eyams?” you asked around the food in your mouth. He smiled, opening his laptop.

“Over. I`m so glad its done. As long as I passed, everything is a-ok. But its done so I don’t need to worry!” 

“Are you kidding? You probably did fine. You hang out with smart supers, remember?”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I learn anything!”

You laughed. “Either way, you should be really proud of yourself. First year of college is done!”

Peter sighed. “Yeah its kind of crazy. It went so fast.”

You hummed in agreement, eating your dinner. “Oh, can you grab my bag? I think I left my phone in there.” Peter leaned over and tossed you the bag. You unzipped the front pouch and crowed in success, pulling out your phone. Grinning, you opened it and your heart plummeted. 

13 unread messages and 3 missed calls.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit” you frantically murmured as you started reading the messages.

~

Mom: WOOHOO FREEDOM!

Mom: How did exams go?

Mom: Helloooo?

Mom: Are you there?

Mom: What are you doing?

Mom: Why aren’t you answering me?

Dad: Hey sweetie, how did exams go?

Dad: Why aren’t you answering your mother?

Mom: When are you coming home?

Mom: Have you even started packing yet?

James: Hey um, mom`s starting to freak out that you haven’t answered her. She wants to know when you`re planning on coming home.

Mom: So you`re attached to your phone every hour of the day but can`t even answer me? Fine. You`re probably too busy hanging out with your friends, who you love more than your family. Probably telling them all about how you never want to come home, about how horrible your family is. You can reach out to everyone else about your problems but never us because you know you`re the guilty one. We love you and all you do is push us away. Stop lying to everyone. You always do this.

Mom: You will call me when you decide that family is important and you will apologize for ignoring me. We are going to have a discussion about when you are coming home. We allow you to have this phone as a means of communication with us. If you don’t use it, then you don’t need it. We have sacrificed so much for you; do you know how much our phone bill is? We do all this because we love you. But if you don’t love us and appreciate our sacrifices, then you don’t need it.

~

Your hands start shaking as Peter takes the phone out of your hands. His face sets in anger as he reads through the texts, stopping when he feels you start to tremble. He looks up; your stare is a thousand miles away as your thoughts trap you in your head. “Hey, hey, its okay, I`m right here.”

You start rocking back and forth. What are you going to do?

“Y/N, I need you to breathe with me.”

They hated you, this was all your fault. If you hadn’t been so lazy and decided to take a nap, none of this would’ve happened. You should’ve studied more and slept more so that you didn’t need a nap. They were right, they loved you and you were treating them like shit. You were such a terrible daughter. And now they were taking it out on your siblings and your dad is mad and–

“Y/N. Talk to me.”

“I…..I…. I cant, I don’t know” you rush. “I have to call her now or–”

“You are not calling her now. Not until you`re ok.”

And your mom, she was so mad. And–

“Oh god, I have to go back. Fuck, Peter, I have to go back there. And they hate me. And its all my fault. Shit, why do I screw everything up?”

Peter held your hands. “Y/N, look at me. Can you take some deep breaths for me please?”

Your eyes try to focus on him as you can feel your heart pound out of your chest. Your legs start shaking and flinching, you want to flail out and hit something or run and just get away. You try to take deep breaths but they come out shallow and gasping. 

“Y/N, its going to be ok–“

“Its not okay, Peter! What about this is ok?”

“Just focus on breathing for me, ok? You are here with me, you are safe. She`s not here, she cant hurt you.”

You focus on breathing, finally being able to take deep breaths but now youre light headed. “Shit, Peter–“

“Its ok, let me help you lay down.” Peter helps you lay back with your head in his lap, holding your hands as you close your eyes and try to focus on breathing. Your hands yank away from him and cover your face as you breathe. Peter starts to talk.

“You know, there was this one time at the compound, I was with Clint in the kitchen and we had decided we wanted orange juice but we couldn’t find any and it was like 3 in the morning so we decided we were going to make orange juice by squeezing oranges.” You choke on a laugh as you fight to breathe.

“He and I got a pitcher and a couple oranges from the fridge and just tried to squeeze them right there. And they shot out of our hands and rolled around. So then we decided to peel the oranges and squeeze them that way. Then they broke apart in our hands and fell into the pitcher. And we were left with juice all over our hands and the counter and the cabinets.”

Your laugh was broken and gasping but Peter could feel your body slowly relax.

“And then Nat came in and made us clean it all up. And while we were cleaning, she reached into the back of the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice and drank from it, right there in front of us.”  
Now your laugh was back to normal and your heart rate calmed as you giggled at Peter`s stupidity. You opened your eyes to see him looking down at you. “Are you okay now?”

You sighed and slowly sat up, Peter supporting you. “No but I will be.”

“Y/N, you cant go back there like this.”

“I`ve done it before, I can do it now. I have to” You whispered, looking down at your hands.

Peter held your hands and waited for you to look up. “No, you don’t.”

And that’s when you broke, screaming and sobbing in heartbreak and confusion as Peter held you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger-free summary:  
> Basically, what happens is reader takes a post-exams nap and her mom get upset that she doesnt respond to her texts right away. After Y/N`s nap, Peter brings her food and they chill in her dorm. Y/N finally looks at her phone and sees all the unread messages. Y/N starts panicking because of the abusive language her mother has texted to her. Y/N has a panic attack and Peter helps her calm down. Peter helps Y/N realize that she`s reaching her breaking point and we have a good long cry session.
> 
> Hope you guys are doing alright! The weather is beautiful where I am so I got to spend the morning outside but now im back in the basement to write some more papers. Let me know how you guys are liking it so far!


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up from a flashback/nightmare and decide to stay with Peter. You call Tony Stark, interrupting his game of make-believe with Morgan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts off very trigger heavy. Reader has a nightmare flash back to a very traumatic incident with her parents. If this will trigger you, skip ahead past the italicized bit (the rest of the chapter is safe) and I`ll provide a trigger free summary of the nightmare in the notes at the end of the chapter.

_“How could you do this to us?” your mom demanded as you sat in the hospital chair._

_"We have been asking you what`s wrong and you just lie to us but its fine to go talk to your friends? And now you`re here in the fucking hospital, probably lying to all the specialists about us. Do we not give you enough attention? You have a roof over your head and clothes and a good education and I provide more than enough food; be grateful for once. Do you want to break this family? Because that’s what you`re doing. You`re ruining our marriage and family life and our trust in you. Don’t you understand that once you’ve broken my trust, you have to earn it back? And it will never be the same. God, I could lose my nursing license over this if they believe you. We want the names of all the people you`ve talked to. You are never going to share what goes on in this family ever again because you are always wrong, lying like the actress you are!” You hold back tears as you glance to the nurses in the room who refuse to meet your eyes. Why wont they step in? Can someone please help me?_

_"Y/N!”_

You bolt upright, heart pounding. You take deep breaths as your eyes focus to see Peter sitting next to you, worried. You had started twitching in your sleep, then crying. You had pushed him away when he tried to wake you up from your nightmare and didn’t wake up until he had been calling your name for awhile. Sometimes when you had bad attacks, he would end up staying over to help you fall asleep, so that you weren’t alone. Nightmares were a usual occurrence for you but it didn’t meant they didn’t still scare him. You had actually slept really peacefully until the nightmare. Now Peter held your hand as you calmed down again.

“I`m so sorry, Peter. First last night and now this morning.” You apologize. Welcome to Thursday, you think. He puts up with so much from you, you don’t understand how he does it. He is your best friend in the entire world; he makes you feel safe. You used to wonder if maybe he was in it for a relationship but he assured you that he`s just a friend. You`re grateful for that, he`s too much like a little brother for a relationship to be comfortable.

Peter shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. I`m glad I was here to help. Do you want to talk about it?”

You take a deep breath and start slowly. “Yeah, actually. I dreamed about that day in the hospital when my parents came to see me. They were so mad at me for asking for help from someone other than themselves. And no one else did anything. The staff saw and heard the whole thing and did nothing. They didn’t step in to defend me or help me at all. I went there for help and they just ignored me.”

You sighed, thinking. Nothing had changed in the three years since then. Your parents had gotten a little better but emotionally, they still treated you the same. You would never be good enough for them. They were in your head and you would never be able to heal as long as you kept doing the same things over and over.

“The offer still stands, Y/N.” Peter says. He was right. You needed to heal. You think back to all the times you’ve planned to leave. There was that time during junior year before you realized that legally, you couldn’t. Then there was your 18th birthday, when you decided to stick it out and keep trying. Then there was last summer, when you decided against it because you were too afraid of the changes it would bring. You thought back to that day at the hospital and still don’t know if you made the right choice, if you were happier or more free. And then you thought of the entire summer ahead of you and looked at your friend sitting next to you, quietly holding your hand with no judgement or expectations, something your parents would never do.

“Okay, Peter, call your dad.”

Peter pulls out his phone and before calling, looks at you. “Are you sure? You can always change your mind.”

You nod, heart racing. “Yes. And…..can I talk to him?”

“Yeah.” Peter squeezes your hand as he lifts the phone to his ear.

~

Tony was in the middle of the greatest battle known to mankind, slowly dying after sacrificing his life to defend Lady Morgan, who was now slaughtering every one of his grass monsters in the yard with no remorse. From his position on the ground, he watched with one eye as the benevolent sorceress Pepper fought alongside Lady Morgan and won the war. As they stalked their way over to end the greatest villain of the seven realms, his phone rang.

Sitting up, Tony pulled it out and saw that Peter was calling him. “Oh great and mighty Sorceress? Your Majesty?” he called.

Morgan turned, her blanket cape swirling as she readjusted her crown. “What, good sir?”

“May I request leave from the battlefield? My general is calling me.”

Morgan started to pout but Pepper nodded in understanding. “Yes, your Majesty. Let Sir Stank leave. We shall defeat this criminal ourselves!”

Morgan grinned again, turning to defeat the invisible villain with her mom as Tony stood up and took the call. “Hello? One freshly resurrected soldier from Morgan`s battleground at your service.”

He could hear Peter laugh on the other end of the line. “Sacrifice yourself again, Mr. Stark?”

Tony chuckled. “Keeps me humble, Pepper says. Whats up?”

Silence. Finally, Peter spoke. “I`m here with Y/N. She wants to talk to you.”

Surprised, Tony nodded. “Yeah sure. Is everything okay?” He hears Peter hesitate, wondering if he`s talking to Y/N. Tony walks back into the compound and heads to the elevator. This was probably a conversation best had alone. Or where FRIDAY could assist in any logistics.

“Well, it was a rough night. She`s ready to talk though. Just…..be gentle.” Peter finishes.

“Of course, kid.” Tony says, walking out of the elevator and heading towards the lab. He hears the phone being handed over as he sits down in his favorite swivel chair.

“Hello? Mr. Stark?” a timid voice begins. Tony smiles, snapping at DUM-E for a coffee.

“Hey there, I assume you must be Y/N.” he starts in a gentle voice.

“Yeah. Its really an honor to talk to you, sir. Thank you for taking the time for this call.”

“Of course, you rescued me from a gory battle of imagination with my 6 year old!” he heard Y/N giggle. It made his heart skip, just like Morgan`s laugh. “Listen, Y/N, I`m going to assume that Peter told you about my offer. I want you to know that I mean it. If you need a place to stay, our doors are open. You don’t need to be a superhero to need help.”

There was a pause before “Thank you, Mr. Stark. It really means a lot. I think–“ there was a pregnant pause as Y/N took a deep breath. “–as of right now, I would like to take you up on that offer. I think I was to come stay with you guys.” Tony could practically hear her heart racing as she made her decision.

“That’s some really great news, Y/N, because I already picked your room out!” he joked. She let out a nervous laugh. “But no, in all seriousness, I would love to have you stay with us. But if you change your mind, just say the word and its okay, no harm done. Even if its after we move all your stuff in, just say the word and we`ll move it all out again and turn around. If you`re not ready yet, I don’t want to pressure you.”

He could hear her smile as she breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. I really don’t know what else to say. This means so much to be and I`m so grateful. I don’t want to be any trouble. Its ok if you change your mind too, okay?”

Tony laughed. “Thank you but I won`t. When do you want me to come pick you up?” He could hear her say something to Peter.

“I haven’t packed at all yet so I think maybe tomorrow around lunch?” she asked.

Tony nodded. “Sounds good. We can move your stuff out and drive you guys back. I`ll be there around 12, 12:30. If you change your mind, just let me know.”

“Okay. Um, thank you again. I`m going to give the phone back to Peter. See you tomorrow Mr. Stark.”

“See you tomorrow. Just keep breathing, kid.” Tony wrapped up final details with Peter and then hung up. He spun around in his swivel chair and downed his coffee cup, rubbing his hands together as he bounced up. “Alright, FRIDAY, its go time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, reader has a flashback to her time in an inpatient unit, where her parents screamed at her for getting help and none of the staff stepped in to help. 
> 
> AGHHHHH IRON DAD! It was so much freaking fun to write that part with Morgan and Pepper. I broke my own heart by sheer fluff.  
> Thanks for reading! I`ve written all the way to chapter ten so I`ll be posting them this week. I finished two of my three research papers so now its final exams prep...yay....Again, let me know how you are liking the story so far!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Peter pack, then Y/N meets Tony for the first time and tells her mom that she`s leaving.

It had been 24 hours of sheer panic. You didn’t want to go back on your decision, not really. Deep down, you knew this was what you needed. But god damn it, why did it have to be so terrifying? You had been literally shaking for the past day, mind running a mile a minute, sick to your stomach and light headed. Your mom kept texting you but you never responded last night. You had wanted to, your panic was begging you to but Peter helped you be brave. Even if that involved hiding your phone from you. He had been helping you pack up your room yesterday. This morning, you helped pack up his room since you were too anxious to sleep. Now you and Peter were hanging out in your room, waiting for Mr. Stark.

“Hey, umm, do you want to talk about things?” Peter asked nervously, watching your hands shake as your eyes flitted around the room.

You sighed. “No I just…..I really should call my mom and get this over with but I don’t want to go back on my decision. But maybe I should. Am I being weak, Peter? Is this giving up? Should I stay and go back to them and work harder to try and fix it? What if this is all my fault and I`m just running away from the problem I caused?”

Peter shook his head. “Y/N, you know I support whatever decision you make but believe me. You are not crazy. This is not your fault. You need space and time to heal but if you`re not ready yet, I won`t make you come with us.”

“No, you`re right. I need to do this. Otherwise, I might never have the courage.” you decided. But it didn’t mean your nerves disappeared, unfortunately. You were still shaking like a leaf when Peter`s phone rang.

“Hi Mr. Stark. Yup, we`re in Y/N`s room. Okay, we`ll be on our way down with our stuff. Okay, bye.” Peter hung up and looked at you. “Ready?”

You nodded, steeling your stomach and mentally putting on your mask. “Yeah.”

“Just grab the bag with your necessities. Mr. Stark said he would have the rest brought to the compound later today.” Peter instructed.

Outside, a red 2017 Ford Mustang sat idling in front of your dorm with the unmistakable figure of Tony Stark leaning against it. All of a sudden, this became real. Not only were you leaving your family, escaping that house, you were also doing it via one Tony Stark. The genius, billionaire, philanthropist who also happened to be the one and only Iron Man knew your name and believed you. You froze. You were going to meet the Avengers. You were going to be safe.

Peter stopped walking, only a couple steps ahead of you and looked back. You took a deep breath as your stomach fluttered and you stepped forward. And then another. Step by step you made it over to the car. You put on your bravest smile as Peter went to hug Mr. Stark.

~

Tony stood outside his car, sunglasses shielding his eyes but making no attempt to disguise himself. He had opted to wear a simple shirt and nice jeans for the day but there was no cloaking his personality. Thankfully, most of the students were already gone so there were no crowds flocking around his car. Tony was grateful; Y/N`s nerves were probably so on edge already, a crowd would have completely turned her away. 

The door to the dorm opened and Tony straightened as Y/N and Peter stepped out. He watched as Y/N froze, making eye contact with him. She was a thin willowy girl, not unhealthy but could definitely stand to put on a few pounds. She wore a white sundress which came to just above her knees with pale pink flowers on it. Her shoulder length curly hair glowed red in the sun. Peter turned around to look at Y/N and Tony saw her take a deep breath and walk forward to him. She had a pair of thin brown sandals on her feet and a dark blue duffel bag over her shoulder. Peter interrupted his analyzation. 

“Mr Stark, its so good to see you!” Peter exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Tony. Tony smiled and returned the hug. Peter had the exuberance of a puppy at nearly every hour of the day and Tony wondered how Y/N could put up with him. Peter stepped back and gestured to the girl.

“Mr. Stark, this is Y/N.”

Tony turned back to look at her much closer now. She had evidence of a slight sunburn on her cheeks and freckles across her nose. Her bright blue eyes sparkled as she smiled and extended her hand.

“Mr. Stark, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Thank you so much for all your work and for allowing me to stay with you.” Her voice was soft but strong as she shook his hand. He held it for a moment as he responded.

“Of course, Y/N, Peter has said so much about you. All good things and they were all correct.”

She laughed as she pulled her hand away, eyes squinting. Tony`s heart melted a little. She was sunshine incarnate. In all seriousness, however, he continued.

“Peter can put your bag in the trunk and I`ll send one of my drivers to pick up the rest of your belongings later. They are all in your room, right?” he asked. 

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, its not too much but definitely would not fit in this beautiful lady here.” She said, pointing to the car.

Tony smiled. “Yeah this lovely lady is for light transportation only.”

Peter took both their bags and put it in the trunk. Tony watched as Y/N held her breath for a minute.

Gently, he touched her arm. “Are you sure you want to do this? Its not too late to change your mind.”

She thought for a minute and shook her head. “No, I`m ready.” Tony couldn’t help but notice her hands shake a little as she pulled out her phone. He glanced over to Peter who came to stand by her other side as she dialed her mom.

“Mom?”

“I`m sorry for not responding earlier.”

“I`m not coming home.”

There was a long pause before shouting erupted on the other side of the phone. Y/N picked at her dress nervously as she interrupted the tirade.

“I know you and dad have been better but I`m still very hurt by how it used to be. I`m very hurt by your lack of respect for me and my space. I can`t heal if you continue to push me and control me the way you are.”

“I`m going to stay with friends.”

“Mom, I`m leaving no matter what. I can`t live like this anymore. I need more freedom than you can give me. I`m not blaming you, I don`t hate you. I need to take care of myself and heal so that I can love you guys the way you need me to. This is me drawing my boundaries and giving myself space until I`m ready.”

“I love you. Tell the kids I love them too. I`ll be in touch. Bye.”

Tony noticed as her voice broke as she hung up, tears in her eyes as she started shaking from the release of nerves.

Instantly her phone started ringing. She shut her eyes. Tony and Peter guided her over to the car.

“Are you still sure?”

Y/N took a moment to take a shaky breath and swallow her tears. “Yes”, she said thickly.

Tony nodded. “Okay, well I can disable your phone so they can`t track you or contact you, if that would help. Or, we could just destroy your phone and I`ll get you a new one.”

She opened her eyes and looked straight at Tony. He felt the confidence and repressed anger bore into his eyes. “Let`s destroy it.” she said as she smiled mischievously while turning off the phone. Tony laughed as he opened the car door and she slid in to the backseat. Peter joined her as Tony walked around to the driver`s seat. Oh this was going to be an adventure, he thought as he started the engine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay! you finally meet Tony! so everything will be perfect from now on....right?  
> i didnt write anything new today but thankfully, i have another two awesome chapters lined up for you guys. as always, let me know how you are liking the story! also, start thinking about who Y/N should eventually be paired up with. not that im there yet, but i want to plan ahead.   
> also, stay sane this week, guys! i know for all my other college peeps, this is dead week for most of us. hang in there, itll be over soon!


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is such a short chapter....  
> Y/N, Peter, and Tony drive to the compound and Y/N prepares to meet the Avengers.

The wind raced through your hair as Tony Stark sped along the highway. The sun warmed your face as you drummed your fingers on the door to the beat of the blasting radio. You wore a ridiculously wide smile, set in place by the rush and thrill of freedom balanced on the edge of fear. Tony Stark and Peter were talking but you didn’t hear them. This was it. This was the day where your life would change forever. You burst out laughing as you opened your arms wide to the sky, embracing everything that the world could offer you. You were free.

“What`s so funny?” Peter looked at you strangely. You shook your head, giggling.

“It’s a beautiful day!” you exclaim, barely able to put the feeling in your chest into words. You were bubbling up and over, maybe slightly out of control but you didn’t care. Both Tony Stark and Peter smiled.

Glancing in the rearview mirror, Tony Stark announced, “So your stuff is getting picked up now and then it will get delivered to your room in the compound about half an hour after we get there. Do you want to meet the team before you get to see your room or after? I know that might be a lot right now so–“

“No, I`d love to meet the team! That is, if they want to meet me. I mean, I`m not special but if they`re not busy, I`m feeling okay right now.”

Tony smiled as he turned off the main road. “Well, I know that they are very excited to meet you. Especially Wanda. She hasn’t had a friend her age at the compound ever but she`s kinda quiet. My Morgan`s really excited too. She thinks she`s getting an older sister. They might be a lot, at first. Actually, I should warn them that you`re here.”

Wait, we`re here? Your jaw dropped as he turned a corner, revealing the compound off in the distance as Tony stopped the car in front of a fence. The gate quickly opened for him and he drove through.

“Hey FRIDAY?” he asked. You sat silently, heart pounding as you watched the compound draw closer. Peter reached out and held your hand, squeezing it once and giving you a comforting smile.

Tony continued. “Let the team know that I`m here with Peter and Y/N. And remind them to be…you know…calm?”

You exhaled as the car finally stopped in front of the compound, huge glass doors and windows everywhere. You gazed up at the building; it was immense. Peter hopped out and held the door for you. As you slowly crawled out, Tony Stark popped the trunk and grabbed your duffel. He tossed Peter`s to him and as you reached for yours, he held it back.

“Uh uh, nope. You`re going to need your hands. And arms. Thor is here” Tony stated, walking ahead and stepping through the doors. Then he paused. “Are you sure?” he asked again.

You nodded, stepping forward. “Thor gives really big hugs” Peter clarified as you both followed Mr. Stark. It was the most beautiful open concept building you had ever seen, with a beautiful view in every direction. You didn’t love the new-age type furniture, it looked so stiff. But the natural light–just wow. You walked over to Tony and Peter, blushing slightly from gawking so much. Feeling very out of place, you stepped into the elevator with them and your heart stayed on the ground floor as the elevator rose, flying up as your fears rose with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i`m so sorry for it being such a short chapter....i didnt realize that as i was writing. this chapter is honestly just filler. the next one, where you meet the Avengers, is so fun!  
> right now, its frustrating because i know what i want to write but by the time i have time, im too exhausted to commit to it. anyway, chapter nine will be up either today or tomorrow that way i can force myself to write tonight. hope yall are surviving dead week. we can do this! as always, feel free to tell me how you like the story and what character you think Y/N should end up with(gotta plan).


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader meets the Avengers!

The elevator came to a stop, finally. You started to fidget nervously until Peter grabbed your pinky. You stood like that for a second until you realized the loud crowd of voices coming from the other side of the elevator door. You steeled your nerves as you waited for the doors to open. 

“FRIDAY?” Tony`s voice interrupted your heart pounding.

“Yes, sir?” an accented automated voice echoed from all around you in the glass box. You jumped a little and Tony looked back at you.

“Y/N, this is FRIDAY. She kind of controls this whole compound; groceries, locations, surveillance, you name it. If you ever get lost or you need anything, just ask her.”

“It feels weird at first but you`ll get used to it.” Peter added.

“Anyway, before I turn you over to the pack out there, I want to finish getting you set up on the system. If you could just say hi to her and tell her your name, that will verify those clearances. Then, you`ll be all set to go.” Tony finished.

You raised an eyebrow as you looked up to the ceiling. “Umm…FRIDAY? This is Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

“Hello, Y/N. It is very nice to meet you. I`m glad to have you here. If you need anything, just ask.” She answered. You didn’t know how you felt about FRIDAY yet. It felt a little too, well, lets just say you were tired of surveillance. Before you could focus on those memories, you shoved them back into the box and put on your smile. Tony smiled back. “You ready?”

You nodded and instantly the doors slid open. The ruckus of voices swirled around you as the three of you stepped forward. You took in the scene. You were in an open living room, with three gray couches in a backwards L shape to your left, surrounding a huge flatscreen TV. The wall to your left was made entirely of sliding glass doors, opening to a balcony patio. In front of you was the biggest kitchen you had ever seen, with dozens of cabinets and a huge refrigerator, two ovens, microwaves, and an island with a stovetop. To the left of that was what you could only guess was the dining room table. It was slightly separate but not an entirely different room. But the table was huge, with enough seats for at least twenty people. 

You started analyzing the people in the room next. A tall blond man sat on one of the couches facing the TV, playing tug-of-war with the remote against a man with a metal arm and shoulder length brown hair. Behind them, a young woman stood, pulling at the remote with red tendrils of smoke. In the kitchen, a man with short brown hair stood with his hands on his hips and a towel over his shoulder, clearly yelling at two men who had their hands in a bowl of what looked like cookie dough. One had glasses and curly hair and the other was an African American man of average height. An incredibly tall and buff man leaned against the counter with a box of Pop-Tart in one hand, observing the screaming match as a woman with short red hair reached over his shoulder for a Pop-Tart. And literally every single one of them was screaming.

Until Tony dropped your duffle on the floor with a thud and everyone froze. You could`ve heard a pin drop. Which is exactly why your snort of laughter echoed around the now silent room. Your snort quickly turned into a giggle, staring at Earth`s mightiest heroes who frozen in various positions fighting like children. Tony started chuckling beside you and about half the room with him. The others, mainly the blond on the couch, started blushing and straightened up.

“I leave you guys alone for two hours and the place goes to shit. Really, you would think I was a nanny.” Tony complained. “It’s a good thing at least one of us knows how to make a good impression. Otherwise I think Y/N would`ve run for the hills.” With that, he gestured to you.

“Team, meet Y/N. Y/N, meet what used to be Earth`s mightiest heroes, now successfully contained in my daycare facility.”

The redheaded woman was the first to break, grateful to escape from the thieving position she was caught in. “What he means is welcome to the family, Y/N. I`m Nat.” Black Widow, you thought.

“Yeah, what a great welcome it was,” the man with the towel over his shoulder huffed. “Here I was trying to make you cookies for your arrival but SOMEBODY–I`m looking at you, Bruce and Sam–decided to eat ALL of the cookie dough!” He made his way over, reaching out to shake your hand. “I`m Clint.”

The two culprits–no, Bruce and Sam–quickly followed. “If its any consolation, they were really good while they lasted. Sorry for eating your cookies, I`m Sam.”

“So you must me Dr. Banner!” you announced, turning to the man with glasses. He smiled, blushing, and shook your hand. “They were really good, Y/N.” he said quietly.

You smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

At this point, the rest of the team made their way over. The blond man from the couch introduced himself as Steve Rogers, while the man with the metal arm–and the remote, you noted–softly introduced himself as Bucky. Next came the woman with the red magic, Wanda, who watched you a second longer than you would have liked. But you didn’t have too much time to be annoyed because all of a sudden, you were dying.

“IT IS SO INCREDIBLE TO MEET YOU, LADY Y/N!” a voice boomed in your ear. You tried to squeak but no sound came out, partially because you couldn’t breathe. Your brain caught up and realized you were two feet off the floor, wrapped in a bone crushing hug by the tall blond with the Pop Tarts. You started to panic, your heart rate rising and head swimming. You were brought back to the present by Tony.

“And that’s Thor.” Tony sighed in exasperation. “Thor, what did we say about crushing nice young ladies?” he reprimanded like a frustrated dad. Thor gently set you down.

In a quieter voice, “I am very sorry, Lady Y/N. I get quite excited to meet more friends and my enthusiasm is often too much for you humans to handle.”

You smiled, holding back a giggle and failing. “I have forgiven you, Your Majesty. You caught me by surprise but normally, I like hugs too.” He grinned back as he stepped away.

You looked at the group, casually lined up and still intimidating, waiting for a reply. You blinked, not really sure what to say. Bravely, you started with as much joy as you could muster. “Umm, well, hi! I`m Y/N and I go to Clearview with Peter. And…”

You trailed off, remembering why you were here. Shit, you had no idea how to explain that. Oh my gosh, why were you here? This was so stupid, they were probably all judging you right now. What if they thought you were a spy because you didn’t talk enough? What if your mom found out and–

Peter interrupted your spiraling and pulled you back to the present as he said, “Y/N`s going to be staying with us for the summer!”

You smiled, grateful. “Yeah, Peter`s told me all about you guys and its really an honor to be here. You guys are all so cool and I definitely can`t keep up with you on those levels. But I can cook and bake so maybe we could finish those cookies?” you posed the last question to Clint, whose eyes lit up as he nodded enthusiastically.

Tony interrupted. “Alright, well, I have questions. Clint, weren’t you supposed to be home by now?”

He sighed. “Yeah, Laura might kill me. But I wanted to make cookies for Y/N and now we`re going to go do that so send funeral flowers in the mail!” he announced as you pulled him off to the kitchen.

That seemed to snap everyone back to the present as the conversations started up again. Steve and Bucky went back to fighting over the remote until Natasha threw herself into the mix, Thor went back to eating his Pop Tarts. Bruce and Tony struck up a conversation as Sam sidled over a little too close to the counter where you and Clint were working. Peter shouted that he was taking his bag upstairs before disappearing. Wanda came to sit down on one of the barstools opposite your workspace, keeping an eye on Sam whenever you weren`t able to smack his fingers out of the bowl. You didn’t talk much, just smiling and laughing with Clint. You were happy; a fragile happy, you knew, but you ignored the overwhelming anxiety in your chest. You should be happy since you were safe and lucky, honored to be in the same room as the Avengers. You were not allowed to break. You continued to ignore the fear as you ate cookie dough off the spoon, fending off Sam as Clint licked the bowl. You ignored it as you cleaned up the kitchen together, watching the boys splash water and soap at each other. You ignored it as you ate freshly baked cookies with the team, forgetting about the phone in your pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I havent written anything for days because finals prep is kicking my ass. i literally cant anymore.
> 
> anyway, i love this chapter. Dad Clint is also the best. also, ive decided that this will most likely be either reader/bucky or reader/wanda. So let me know which is your favorite! 
> 
> i`ll try to keep posting the chapters ive already written but i dont think i`ll be able to write more right now. but my stay at home order was extended to june 4th so as soon as finals are over, i`ll get back to writing. 
> 
> anyway, hang in there, y`all! let me know if you have any questions, comments, or concerns!


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N is given a little tour and gets to her room.

As the Avengers crowded in the kitchen to eat the cookies, you started washing the pans at the sink. You watched the group as they interacted with each other. They were so free with each other, joking and pushing and laughing; so relaxed, nothing like the stuffy, stiff heroes you were used to hearing about in the news. You smiled to yourself; it was so welcoming, they were all so kind. With a shock, you realized that you had forgotten why you were there for a little while. With that, your heart rate started to pick up a little again, forcing yourself to take deep breaths as you focused on washing the dishes in front of you. 

Okay, what is one thing I can taste? The aftertaste of the cookies. 

What are two things I can smell? The cookies from the oven. The fragrance of the soap suds. 

What are three things I can hear? The water running. The Avengers talking and laughing. The oven fan. 

What are four things I can feel? The water and soap on my hands. The floor underneath my feet. The feeling of my dress swishing around my knees. My heart beating.

What are five things I can see? The big kitchen table. The windows. The sky outside. The dirty water washing down the drain. Peter flying through the – what???

Peter practically flew into the kitchen and bee-lined straight for you, snatching a cookie out of Clint`s hands on his way. You started drying your hands on the towel as he started talking.

“Y/N! Guess what? Your stuff is here and up in your room and Mr. Stark said that I can show you where your room is and you can unpack! Come on, lets go!” he practically dragged you away from the sink as you laughed. The two of you wove through the Avengers to the elevator. You wondered if they would be mad at you for leaving them in the kitchen.

As soon as you were inside the elevator, Peter turned to you. “How are you doing?”

You sighed, a little grateful to be away from everyone. “It’s a lot. Its really a lot. Everyone`s so great but – I don’t know, im just not. I was completely fine when I was making cookies, what if this is all in my head? What if im making this up?”

Peter held your pinky as he looked at you. “Youre not making anything up, Y/N. Don’t feel like you have to pretend in front of them.”

“But they don’t need to know about my problems! They have the fate of the world on their shoulders, I don’t even belong here!”

Peter stopped you. “Y/N, you don’t feel like you belong anywhere. But I think you do and Mr. Stark thinks so too. So let us take care of you.”

FRIDAY interrupted, “Spiderboy, we have reached Y/N`s floor.”

Peter blushed bright red and grumbled. “Its Spiderman….Mr. Stark probably changed it again.”

You laughed, as you and Peter stepped out onto the floor. It was a similar set up to the main living floor, with a smaller living room and TV, as well as a small kitchenette with a fridge, microwave, sink, and coffee pot. Then, in front of you was a long hallway. Peter smiled as you two walked.

“So downstairs where we were is the main spot where everyone is. There`s the lab and training rooms on that floor too but you didn’t see them yet. Up here is the main living area; pretty much everyone is on this floor except for me and the Starks. Since I`m at college now, I`m not here that much so when I do come back, I stay on the next floor up with Mr. Stark, Pepper, and Morgan. Its pretty great. Oh, so all the guys are on the left and the first two doors on the right. So the last four doors on the right are girls but Carol, er, Captain Marvel, she`s rarely here so her room is empty a lot. Actually, do you just want to know where everyone is?”

Peter was kinda overwhelming but you nodded. You`d feel safer that way.

“Ok, so. First door on the left is Steve. Then Bucky. Then Sam. And then the last two rooms on the left are for Thor and Loki but Loki is barely ever here and Thor never really stays the night. The first door on the right is Clint`s room. He isn’t here often either but he has the biggest room in case he has to bring his family to stay. Then its Dr. Banner-his hours are weird because he`s always in the lab-then its Captain Marvel`s room, which is almost always empty. Then its Nat`s room, then Wanda`s room, and then here, at the end, its your room!”

You stood in front of the door. Your room. Your own room. You hadn’t had a room to yourself in years, not since you were nine. You took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

Stepping inside, you saw that the walls were painted the most beautiful watercolor of baby pink, blue, lavender, and yellow. There was a queen size mattress with fluffy white blankets on the floor, with a boxspring/storage unit type frame but no headboard or bedposts. Above the bed, there were drapes of thin, sheer gauze, creating a tent over the bed with fairy lights all over the ceiling and draped down the fabric. The walls were bare of decoration besides the beautiful paint but against the left wall, you had tall dresser for your clothes and a desk. Along the far wall in front of you, all of your luggage had been stacked beside a huge open window with a window seat and floor length lace curtains. Turning around, you saw a door against the wall, which was open to reveal a spacious walk-in closet, big enough for one person`s clothes and some storage. Next to that door, in the corner, another door was open to reveal a moderately sized bathroom comprised of a sink, toilet, and bath, one that looked like you could actually lay down in it. Awestruck you stood in the center of the room with tears in your eyes, unable to speak even though your mouth was hanging open. 

“Do you like it?”

You turned around to see Tony Stark standing in the doorway with Peter. You had never even heard him come in. Swallowing, you nodded.

“Its….its so beautiful….magical…I love it.” You smiled a watery smile. “Thank you so much Mr. Stark. This is so much more than I ever dreamed. You really didn’t have to do all this for me.” Hesitantly, you approached him and gave him a hug. He froze and you instantly backed away. “I`m so sorry, I should`ve asked–” you didn’t get to finish your apology because he pulled you back into the hug. You smiled before the hug ended.

Pulling away, Tony said “I`m glad you like it, kid. Morgan helped so I wasn’t sure if you would be okay with the design skills of a six year old.”

You giggled. “It`s perfect. I would`ve designed it the same way.”

You turned around again, in awe of the room. Tony smiled at your back with misty eyes but you didn’t see.

“I`ll let you unpack and get settled. Just tell FRIDAY if you need me, ok?”

You nodded. “Alright. Thank you so much again, Mr. Stark!”

“Of course. Its nothing. And please just call me Tony.” He let himself out as you slowly spun in a circle, smiling peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my dream room....entirely self-indulging at this point.  
> hope you guys enjoyed! i still havent written anything new cause finals are killing me! i have one more chapter waiting so i think ill wait on that until maybe wednesday? i dont know. then as soon as im free, i will be writing sooo much!  
> also, I made a decision! this will be a wanda/reader story! but i still love bucky so bucky and the reader will be really close platonic buddies and it will be great. thank you to everyone for your feedback!  
> to anyone who was like, how`d tony get the room painted and decorated in a day? children, please, this is tony stark. he started decorating the room as soon as peter brought it up over the weekend.  
> any questions, comments, concerns, just let me know! feedback brings me joy.  
> i hope you all are taking care of yourselves. also, to anyone who had an awkward or strained mother`s day because of rough family relationships, im here for you and i understand. hang in there. we can do this!


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You unpack in your new room and hang out with Wanda.

Your room was freaking amazing, ok? 

What on earth had you done to deserve this, you thought. It was a dream come true. You went over to the open window and climbed up onto the window seat, leaning out into the fresh air. Incredible. You never could`ve had a room like this back home.

Home. Your heart sunk again as you remembered why you were here. 

No, its not home. It’s a house. This is my new home. Hopefully.

You shoved the negative thoughts back into their box and slid off the seat. Time to unpack. You walked over to the stack of your belongings and bags. First things first, you thought, taking your pillows over to your floor bed. Reaching inside the pillowcases, you pulled out your favorite stuffies. First was Stitch, then Eeyore, then Bunny the Puppy, then Cookie the Manatee. Arranging them around your pillows, you laid back on the bed and stared up at the fairy lights and tent around you. Happy, you smiled to yourself as you sat up again and climbed off the bed. Next was clothes.

An hour later, you had unpacked all of your clothes, sorting shirts, shorts, leggings, pajamas, bras, underwear, and socks into the five drawers of your dresser. You hung up your favorite dresses and pantsuits in the closet, lining up your shoes underneath them. You planned on a wardrobe makeover soon, a celebration of your freedom. You were going to get all of the jean shorts and crop tops you wanted and no one could stop you. You giggled as you zipped up your suitcase and shoved it to the back of the closet. Walking out, you went straight over to the stack of drawers and crates by the window. Time to decorate.

There was a soft knock on the doorframe as your heart skipped a beat and you turned around. Wanda was standing shyly in the doorway. Her long red hair was pulled back loosely in a pony tail and she wore jeans and a loose maroon shirt.

“Hi”

“Hey” you responded.

“Your cookies were really good”

“Thanks. Um, do you want to come in?” you offered.

She smiled, relieved. “Yeah. Sorry, I`m really awkward about the making friends thing.”

You laughed. “Me too. We can be awkward together. Do you want to help me decorate? Or you can sit on the bed and you can just chill.”

She clapped her hands a little. “I would love to help decorate! Your walls are absolutely beautiful! It was so much fun to help paint them.”

You paused. “You painted them? Theyre beautiful! Thank you so much!”

She blushed. “No, I just helped. It was me, Tony, and Pepper. Morgan sat and directed.” she finished laughing.

“Well they are magical so thank you.”

Wanda smiled. “Of course. So what can I help with?”

You pointed to the crates. “I have a bunch of paintings that I want to hang in those crates and I`ve got command hooks in the top drawer there. But first, we need a playlist.” you announced.

“FRIDAY?” you asked the ceiling.

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Can you play an awesome, girl power, unpacking boss playlist?”

“Of course, Y/N. Volume all the way up, am I correct?”

“Yup! I want to see what kind of speakers Tony is paying for”

You both giggled as FRIDAY started the music with I Wanna Dance With Somebody, as it should be. She cycled through the music from SIX, one of your favorite musicals ever, and Melanie Martinez` K-12, as well as traditional girl power anthems. You and Wanda pulled out your paintings and poetry posters, hanging them up all over the walls, aesthetically placed without being too overwhelming. She helped you organize your books and belongings into the desk and drawers you brought. Putting the crates away, you pulled out your phone and checked the time. It was already 9pm!

“Hey, are you hungry?” you asked Wanda.

“Oh my god, we missed dinner. Yes. Starving.”

You giggled, remembering the dance party that may or may not have interrupted the unpacking process.

“Lets go raid the fridge.” Wanda suggested. You asked FRIDAY to turn the music off and the two of you snuck to the elevator and into the main kitchen. Wanda found spaghetti in the fridge and started heating it up for the two of you. You let her take charge; you were on edge, since you never liked to make noise at night at your house. You would`ve gotten yelled at for being up too late or eating too much. You usually go to bed hungry because you were too scared to make any noise. You don’t know if Wanda noticed your nervousness but were grateful that she took the lead.

You were halfway through your plate of spaghetti when you realized what you had done. The food dropped to the pit of your stomach and you felt sick. You had turned your phone back on. Which turned your location on. Which meant–

“Y/N, are you ok?”

You dropped your fork and pushed away from the table. Your eyes went glassy and you started shaking. Wanda stood up with you and came to stand in front of you.

“Y/N, breathe. Youre safe here.”

“No I`m not, Wanda! How could I have been so stupid? I turned my phone on. They have my location now. They can call me now. Theyre going to call me. Shit. What do I do?”

And right on cue, you felt your phone start vibrating in your pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALS ARE OVER! It is such a relief so I posted to celebrate. Now I have to start writing again.  
> Hope you all liked this chapter, its been so long that I had to read it again before posting cause I couldnt remember it! :)  
> Anyway, hope everyone is surviving quarantine ok.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda and Y/N bond during a phone call from Y/N`s parents.

You pulled it out so fast you almost dropped it. You had to answer them, you had to. They would be so mad if you didn’t. What were you thinking? Your hands shook as you prepared to answer.

Suddenly your phone was gently pulled from your hands. Wanda placed it on the table as you began to protest. As it continued to ring, Wanda looked you straight in the eyes and held your hands. 

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to”, she whispered. “You don’t owe them anything.”

Her eyes were so calming and her hands were so soft. It was like a beautiful fluffy cloud had just wrapped around you and you could finally take a deep breath. The edges of your vision had gone soft, you could only focus on her. You let the phone continue to ring two more times as tears streamed down your cheeks, calming your breathing together with Wanda. When the phone stopped, she pulled one hand away and leaned over to turn the phone off, then turning back to focus on you.

“Are you okay?” she asked gently.

You nodded, barely being able to see through your blurred vision. 

“Do you want a hug?” Wanda quietly offered.

You hesitated. Could you trust her? Could you really let yourself rely on her? Was she going to let you down like so many others? Would she even understand? But suddenly, there you were, crashing into her chest and wrapping your arms around her as you started sobbing again. Her hands started to smooth your hair down as she held you. Why did life have to be so hard? Why did it have to hurt so much? Why couldn’t you be stronger than this? 

Wanda whispered into your ear, “You have been strong for so long, Y/N. Let it go now. I`ve got you.”

\-------------

Wanda looked down at the girl in her arms, as Y/N`s tears soaked her shirt. She remembered when Tony had called them for a briefing early in the week, letting everyone know that Y/N was most likely coming to stay with them. He hadn’t been too specific as to Y/N`s family struggles, only saying that it wasn’t safe for her to be with her family anymore, and Wanda knew not to push. But Wanda could tell the emotional pain that this girl was suffering. She had used her powers a little bit, to push into Y/N`s mind and calm her down enough to make a clear decision on whether or not she wanted to answer the phone. Wanda could sense the walls that Y/N had in her mind and felt so much sadness for this girl, who had to force herself to forget things in order to survive. She suddenly felt an intense urge to protect Y/N no matter what, as long as Y/N needed her.

When Y/N`s sobs had turned to quiet sniffles, Wanda reached one arm across to the table to grab the tissue box. She slid it closer to them .

“Tissue?”

Y/N laughed, as she grabbed a tissue and blew her nose to tomorrow. She wiped away her tears and suddenly her face fell.

“Wanda, I`m so sorry, I got your shirt all wet.”

Wanda laughed. “Its fine, I`ve survived worse than a rainstorm.”

Y/n smiled faintly as she looked down to the tissue in her hands, at a loss for what to do now. Wanda pondered her for a moment.

“Y/N, do you want me to call Tony?”

Y/N seemed to panic for a moment. “Why would you do that?”

“We can go destroy your phone.”

Y/N breathed a sigh of relief and smiled widely. “That would feel amazing.”

Wanda asked FRIDAY to bring Tony up to the kitchen. As she did, Y/N stared at the phone, lost in her head. Wanda took her hand.

“Hey, its going to be ok.”

Y/N smiled as she stared through Wanda`s head. Wanda pulled her in for a hug, just as the elevator pinged. Wanda felt Y/N jump slightly as Wanda held her tighter. 

“Its just Tony”, she whispered. She made eye contact with Tony, who cocked his head. Her parents called, she mouthed to Tony who nodded understandingly. He strode into the room as Y/N sat up.

“So what are we ladies doing at 10 pm?” Tony announced brazenly, leaning over the counter. Y/N laughed.

“I was wondering if we could destroy my phone tonight. I know we forgot earlier and that’s ok. And if youre busy that’s okay too. But it would feel so good to destroy something right now.” Y/N asked hesitantly.

Tony grinned devilishly. “10pm is the perfect time for destructive tendencies.”

Wanda smiled as Y/N`S eyes lit up. This was going to be wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry that this chapter was so short. I have been struggling to find the motivation to write this weekend so I literally just wrote this tonight. Its been a wonderful past couple of days with the weather but I dont know how im going to stay occupied without school now. Anyway, I hope y`all enjoy! I promise im going to try to write more tonight, I`ll post a new chapter by Tuesday night!  
> Love you guys! Remember, let me know if you have any questions, comments, or concerns!


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter we`ve all been waiting for....the destruction of the phone...  
> also, theres LOTS of language so if that makes you uncomfy, dont read.

Tony led the girls out of the elevator on the main floor, walking outside to the blacktop. He watched Y/N out of the corner of his eye; she was practically shaking, vibrating with nerves and desperation. She bounced out of the doors into the dark night, skipping and bounding with excitement, a crazed gleam in her eyes. 

“Give me my phone.” Y/N begged Wanda. Wanda looked to Tony, who nodded, and then handed the piece of oppressive shit into Y/N`s shaking hands. Y/N ran out into the center of the road, turning in a circle under the dark sky. The stars reflected against the tears in her eyes as she took deep breaths.

Tony watched her. “You can lose it, if you want. Go crazy. You deserve it.”

Wanda agreed, stepping closer to Y/N. “Let it out. We`ll pick up the pieces.”

Y/N nodded, looking into their eyes with raw vulnerability. Tony`s heart ached; there were so many emotions in her eyes.

\-------

You looked down in the darkness at your phone. This piece of shit had put you through so much. It had ruined so many moments, so many emotions. It had ruined friendships, all of your trust, and forced you to hide who you were and all of your emotions. Your parents had controlled your entire life through this one little thing. 

You thought about everything; the late night screaming sessions, the time limits, the reports on every text message you sent, the threats. Everything they had put you through, all your pain, you channeled it into this phone. 

With a deep breath, your vision went red as you wound your arm back and threw the phone like a comet through the sky, screaming in wordless rage and pain.

“I HATE YOU!” you screamed, voice cracking and raw. Your heart rate flickered like a bonfire as you stood there panting. All of a sudden, a red mist came hurtling toward you. Wanda had found the phone and was levitating it back to you to continue destroying. It came to rest on the ground in front of you and your vision swam with red again as you saw that the phone wasn’t even cracked. 

Your heart had been repeatedly splintered like glass and the phone wasn’t even dented. You snatched it up in a rage and slammed it down on the pavement. The screen splintered but you weren’t done. You threw it down again and again, crying and screaming.

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING RULES!” crash went the phone.

“YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! EVERYTHING! AND YOU GET TO LIVE AND BE HAPPY AND CONFIDENT AND SELF RIGHTEOUS? FUCK YOU!” the phone screen began to splinter away.

“ITS NOT FAIR!” you grabbed the phone and tried to snap it in half. 

“ITS NOT FAIR THAT YOU GET TO BE FREE! YOU BROKE ME!” you finally succeeded in bending the back cover off the phone. 

You threw it down to the ground again, listening to its crack against the ground.

“I WAS HURTING AND I TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND YOU NEVER CHANGED! YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME! THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT AND YOU NEVER CARED! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME! THAT WAS YOUR ONLY JOB! WHY COULDN’T YOU LOVE ME?”

You sobbed, voice hoarse as you stomped on the cracked and bent phone. You whirled around in broken rage, eyes resting on Tony. Tony stood there with a flamethrower in one hand and a hammer in the other. 

You snatched the hammer and beat the phone, seeing the face of your parents as the hammer cracked against the phone and thudded against the ground, the drumbeat of liberation. Tony came up to your side and together, you focused the flamethrower on the remains of the phone as Wanda cast a protective shield around the outside of the new campfire so that it wouldn’t spread. 

Your vision went blurry as you collapsed to the ground, watching your phone burn away into nothing. Into nothingness, forgotten, leaving you with all the memories. 

“Why couldn’t they love me?” you whispered brokenly.

You were so numb, barely feeling Wanda and Tony wrap their arms around you. The three of you sat there in the night until you had no tears left to cry and the phone had melted into the pavement. The stars watched as the breeze comforted this broken shell of a girl, a secret that only the night would hold.

The destruction had felt amazing but now you were left with an empty numbness, barely present as Tony lifted you up and carried you inside. You didn’t blink as Wanda helped you change into pajamas and washed the soot off your face, as well as the blood from the small cuts caused by the flying phone shards. You clutched at Wanda as she and Tony tucked you in.

“Please don’t leave me”, you silently begged Wanda. 

She climbed into the bed beside you and wrapped her arms around you. Your eyes began to close from exhaustion even as you tried to fight, afraid of the nightmares. But sleep soon drowned you, barely feeling the ghost of a kiss Tony pressed to your forehead as he left, gently turning on the soft fairy lights and shutting the door. All you felt as you slipped into the black fear of sleep was Wanda`s gentle warmth of her arms as she held you safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this felt soooooo good to write! and for those of you wondering, no i most definitely have never participated in similar destructive behaviors...  
> on a side note: story time.  
> so I sat down to write on sunday? night and wrote this chapter and the next one. and I just kept writing. and writing. with no apparent place to stop in the plot. so the next chapter is the length of two whole freaking chapters and every second is beautiful. i cant wait to share it with you all! so ill probably post that on thursday or friday.  
> hope everyone is doing ok! lots of love!


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast with the Avengers!!

You felt yourself beginning to wake up, eyes still too heavy to lift, as you began to sense what was going on around you. Your face was warm from bright sunlight streaming through the window and you could feel the warmth of someone at your back, with the pressure of someone`s arm resting over your waist. Your heart began to race as you snapped your eyes open. Where were you? Who was with you? What happened?

Then you remembered. You were in the Compound. With Wanda. She had stayed with you last night after you had destroyed the phone.

Oh god. You acted like an insane maniac last night. You were so embarrassed. What would Tony think of you now? Would he kick you out? You wouldn’t blame him. You were crazy, after all. You stifled a groan as you internally smacked yourself with a 2 by 4.

Your stomach started to grumble. 

Food. You thought. Food would be so good. Oh my god, pancakes would be so good! You wondered if anyone would mind if you took over the kitchen for half an hour. Quietly shifting out of Wanda`s arm, you waited a moment to make sure she was still asleep before slipping out of the room- no, your room. You shut the door and then took a breath.

“Hey FRIDAY?” you whispered.

“Yes, Miss Y/N?” she responded instantly, making you jump a little. That would take a lot of getting used to.

“What time is it?”

“Its 7:30am, Miss Y/N.”

You thought for a moment. “Is anyone else awake? Or in the kitchen?”

“Everyone is asleep except for Golden Boy, Elsa, and Birdbrain. They are out on a run.” 

You were pretty sure you didn’t meet those people last night. You could feel your anxiety spike a little. “Who?”

“Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barnes, and Mr. Wilson. Those are the names Tony has registered in the system.”

You chuckled. “Oh. Well, can you take me to the kitchen? I`m not sure where everything is yet.”

“That’s okay, Miss Y/N. You`ve only been here for a day. Would you like me to notify Mr Stark that you have awoken?”

You shuddered, remembering last night. “No thank you. I`ll be fine.”

FRIDAY led you to the elevator and took you down to the kitchen. You stepped out into the beautiful, sunlit kitchen where you had made cookies with THE AVENGERS!!! the day before. It still felt like a dream. A dream which was interrupted by the insistent grumble of your stomach. God, you needed pancakes.

“FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Miss Y/N?”

“Please just call me Y/N. Can you tell me where I can find the ingredients to make pancakes?” you asked as you tied up your hair into a messy bun.

“As you wish, Y/N.”

You gathered up all the ingredients as FRIDAY lit the griddle top and turned on your summer playlist. You quickly mixed up the batter but paused before taking it over to the stove. After opening a few(okay, maybe five) cabinets, you found the spice shelf. Scanning quickly, you grabbed the cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla. Completely eyeball-ing your measurements, you tossed some of those ingredients in before you began spooning batter out onto the griddle. You softly sang along as you danced around, washing up the dishes in between flipping pancakes. By the time you finished with the batter, you had made about three dozen pancakes, enough to feed any of the Avengers who wandered in, although the real reason you had cooked so many was as a thank you and apology to Wanda and Tony.

You dried off the now clean batter bowl and flipped the last pancakes onto the beautifully constructed pancake-pyramid on the oval plate FRIDAY suggested.

After wiping off the countertop, FRIDAY helped you find dressings for the pancakes; Nutella, peanut butter, Fluff, syrup, honey, strawberries, regular jelly, bananas, powdered sugar, cinnamon, and whipped cream. Lining them up in a row with bowls and plates, you gave the kitchen a once over.

“FRIDAY? Ask Tony if he would like pancakes. And if he does, to come to the kitchen.”

“Tony said that pancakes are his main bitch and that Pepper and Morgan will be coming as well.”

FRIDAY paused as you laughed.

“Also, he told me not to inform you but I believe it is in our best interests to let you know that he informed the rest of the team and that they are all also on their way.”

“SHIT!” You squealed. You were only dressed in an oversized pajama shirt and booty shorts. FRIDAY directed you to the stairs and you ran, dashing down the hall and into your room. As you opened the door, you ran straight into a sleep bleary Wanda.

“Oh, hey.” You wheezed. “Sorry.”

She smiled, half asleep. “No, its ok. I woke up and you were gone but then Tony announced that he was going to eat all of your pancakes.”

You laughed. “Yeah, he ‘accidentally’ invited the whole team and I look like a bear out of hibernation.”

You dashed past her to the bathroom, grabbing a toothbrush and toothpaste. You brushed your teeth hurriedly as you walked over to the closet. You picked out your favorite pale pink overall dress with a white crop top with ruffled short sleeves. Wanda laughed at you as you almost choked on the toothpaste, grabbing new underwear and a bra before rushing into the bathroom. You quickly changed, running out to spray on your favorite perfume. Throwing on some mascara, blush, and lip gloss, you also took your hair down and re-tied it so that only the top half was in a messy bun. Spinning around, you turned to face Wanda.

“Good?”

Wanda was looking at her phone. “And that was a record five minutes! I am thoroughly impressed.” She said, grinning. “You know, I know we`re THE AVENGERS, but its really just us.”

You took deep breaths, cheeks still flushed. “I know. But this is kinda my thank you and apology and I want everything to be right.” Your words rushed out. She smiled knowingly.

“Believe me, you’ve already won them all with the cookies. Now lets go before they eat all the pancakes.”

You both smiled. She grabbed your hand as the two of you rushed back down the stairs and into the kitchen, which was empty. Everything was still in its place, the pancake tower was still steaming. You looked around, confused. You were sure that they would have beat you to the kitchen. Your confusion was interrupted by the ping of the elevator opening. Steve, Bucky, and Sam were laughing as they stepped out of the elevator. Bucky strolled right up to the counter and leaned over it, looking you straight in the eyes.

“So I heard there were pancakes, doll.” He brazenly asked. You rolled your eyes before putting your hands on your hips.

“Yeah but you gotta serve yourself.” You sassed right back. Steve guffawed, clapping Bucky on the shoulder as he grabbed a plate and began piling pancakes high. You rushed to stop him.

“Ahh nope. You can only have two to start, so that everybody gets some. Then you can fight over the left overs.” He pouted but put back the excess pancakes. You observed as the boys started to serve themselves and turned a blind eye as they put almost every dressing you had put out on their breakfast. The elevator pinged again as the Starks, including Peter, walked in with Nat and Bruce.

Nat smiled at you as she and Bruce joined the line, talking to each other quietly. 

“Y/N, you beautiful goddess!” Peter exclaimed as he grabbed a plate. You laughed.

“Only two to start with so everyone gets some!” you protested. You watched as Tony and Pepper hung back with little Morgan. While you may not be able to handle super soldiers and the like, you were a charmer with kids after raising your siblings. You walked over to the girl hiding behind Tony`s legs. You crouched down.

“I heard that a certain special someone decorated my room.” You started. Morgan peeked out shyly.

“Do you like it?” she whispered.

“Like it? I love it! I feel like a fairy princess!”

She smiled, nodding and stepping out. “But I`m the fairy queen.” She stated firmly.

You nodded solemnly. “Of course. Now would her majesty like some dessert pancakes?” Offering your hand, her eyes went wide and she grabbed it, bouncing as the two of you walked over to the counter.   
“Alright, so I`m going to decorate one pancake your way and one pancake my way and you`ll have to tell me which is better, okay?” you challenged. Her pancake ended up slathered in Nutella, Fluff, and whipped cream with strawberries. You decorated her second pancake with peanut butter, honey, cinnamon, and powdered sugar. Simple but incredible. As you handed her the plate, a loud and indignant voice interrupted you.

“Hey, how come you made her pancakes and not mine?” Bucky pouted.

You smiled. “Because she`s the queen and you`re only a lowly soldier.” you teased. You watched as Steve quietly got up and snuck back into line behind Tony for seconds.

“Y/N, these are sooo freaking incredible. No one is ever allowed to cook again!” Natasha moaned from the table.

Your heart fluttered with pride. “I would love to! After all, its really all I can do. I don’t have superpowers so this is my way of earning my keep.”

Tony slung an arm around your shoulder. “Well, by the lack of talking and complaints from the team, I think you’ve earned it already.”

You watched as the Avengers sat around a table, with stacks and stacks of pancakes piling higher on everyone`s plates. There was a strange and beautiful domesticity to it, the boys clearly keeping score of how many pancakes they could tuck away as Morgan bounced in her chair on a complete sugar rush. It was a mess and it was crazy but it felt right. You dressed your pancakes and sat down next to Wanda, feeling happy and incredibly far from the girl you were last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update. ive been so unmotivated the past couple of days, its awful. hope you guys enjoyed though! i am in love with this chapter :)


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the breakfast fiasco, Y/N worries about what to do with her life now and Peter comforts her. Then, she gets some bad news.

That day was a whole wonderful day of playing with Morgan and the Starks and adventuring around the Compound with Peter and Wanda. You had slept relatively fine that night, only one nightmare. It was a new day now. 

Today, Peter was helping you clean up breakfast, which was a egg sausage cassarole. All of a sudden, you felt at a loss. What could you do now? School was over, you didn’t have a job, you weren’t an Avenger. How would you keep yourself busy? As you were pondering this, heading over to the elevator, Peter came up to your side.

“So I heard that there was a destruction date two nights ago that I missed.” He pouted.

You laughed dryly. “Yeah, sorry we didn’t book it into your calendar.”

He laughed. “No its fine. How are you?”

You just looked at him, trying to put all your emptiness into the silence.

“That good, huh? Do you want to talk?” he asked as he followed you to your room.

You sighed. “I don’t know, Peter. I just feel so empty. Like, I`m at such a loss now.” the two of you walked into your new room as you plopped down on your bed. Peter sat down as you continued.

“I mean, yay, I got out and now I`m safe but its so much to take in. Its so much to get used to. Like, what do I do with my life now? What do I do every day? How do I even begin to make my own person without them? Who am I without them and the way that my life was with them? Its like I have to start all over. And that’s so overwhelming.” 

You wrapped yourself around the pillow in your lap, shoving your face into it. Peter put his hand on your arm.

“Its ok to feel this way. I cant say that I understand but I`m here for you. You are so strong and have come so far on your own, I believe that you can do this. That you can create who you want to be. But you don’t have to do it alone anymore. You can rely on us. We will support you. You are free now.”

You sigh, taking some deep breaths. “I know. I`m sorry for being like this, for not being grateful enough. I`ll try harder.”

“That’s not what I meant at all, Y/N, and you know it. You have nothing to apologize for. We`ve got you.”

You smile a little. “Well, what do I do now? What do I do with myself all day?”

Peter sighed, falling back on the bed. “You could do anything, Y/N. You could go down to our music space and sing or play. You could make some art. You could go play with Morgan, who adores you after that breakfast stint, by the way. You could go for a walk in the woods outside. You could do some meditation. You could take a nap. Anything!”

You felt your heart start to beat fast with excitement. He was right. The possibilities were endless! It was eleven in the morning and you could do anything you wanted! You started to giggle, elated with freedom. Peter looked over at you with an eyebrow raised as you waved him off.

“I`m fine, just excited. This is like the first time ever that I get to make my own decisions.”

He smiled. “Okay well, actually I wanted to ask you something. Since its summer, I was going to leave to stay with Aunt May like usual, only coming back when the team needs me. But if you aren’t comfortable yet, I`ll stay. She`ll understand. I don’t want you to feel alone here.” Peter seemed nervous to ask. “I mean, I feel bad because I offered that you could stay here and now I`m kinda skipping out. I want this to be good for you.”

You shook your head. “No, Peter, I`ll be ok.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“Well this time I think I mean it. Wanda seems really nice and Tony is great. Morgan`s a feisty angel so Im sure she`ll keep me busy. Bucky seems like trouble but I think I`ll have fun. I think I`m going to be ok.” You actually believed yourself as you said these words. Usually, you just lied. But this time, you felt that you were going to be ok.

Of course, saying that prompted the universe to question you. A knock on the door caused you to jump and turn to see Tony standing there nervously. 

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hi, whats up?”

“Um, so apparently your parents called the police and theyre here to make sure that we didn’t kidnap you or anything.”

Your heart started pounding and your hands began to shake. They were here, they were going to take you, you were cornered. You weren’t brave enough to face them but they were here. All you could hear in the silence was your pounding heart.

“So you have to come downstairs but I promise that we will keep you safe and not let them take you. You don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to. You just have to talk to the police. And then they’ll leave you alone.”

Your eyes unfocused, watching the fluttering curtains. In and out. They moved so gently, sparkling like the sun.

“You could even get a restraining order after this, ok? I`ll be with you every step of the way, I promise.”

In and out. In and out.

“Hey, you there?” Tony was now in front of you holding your hands with concern written all over his face. You blinked, coming back to yourself.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, sunshine. I`m so sorry that this is happening. Do you want the whole team there or just Peter and I? Most of them are downstairs already keeping everyone in the lobby and they`d be more than willing to be the back-up in case things go south. But I`ll have everyone leave if it makes you uncomfortable.”

You shook your head. “No, its fine. Its about time everyone knew why I was here. Its not fair to them to keep them in the dark.”

“Actually, its completely fine! Its your privacy!’

No, Tony, its fine. Theyre already there and I don’t care, honestly. I just want to get this over with. And I`ll feel safer with them there.” You took a deep breath as Peter helped you, finding the strength to put one foot in front of the other, walking down the hall to the elevator.

\-------

Tony followed, furious. Y/N had been through enough. She`d had so much courage and proved over and over again in the past few days that she was strong. She didn’t need this. He knew the second he met her parents in the lobby that they were controlling, even if he hadn’t looked into her past. They looked like a storm of anger and fear, afraid of their daughter leaving them. Afraid that they wouldn’t have her help anymore, being their support and therapy; they didn’t love her, they only loved what she did for them, as long as she lived like they wanted her to. 

And the police showing up? For goodness` sake, they were the Avengers! Why did her parents have to get the police involved? He knew why. He understood the situation, that it was just protocol for the police to check and then they`d be gone. But he worried what this would do to Y/N, if she`d ever feel safe here after this, knowing that her parents had the power to find her here once. As they stepped in the elevator, he reached out and held her hand. Looking Y/N in the eyes, he squeezed her hand.

“I will be here for you. I will be everything they were not, I swear. They will never hurt you again.” He promised her.

She barely smiled as tears started to pool. “Thank you,” she whispered, squeezing his hand back. He held onto her tightly as the doors opened and they walked into the lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh guys, I`m so sorry. Its been so long. and also, that cliffhanger. but i had to.
> 
> Between having very little inspiration and my siblings` constant need for entertainment, I havent been able to write at all. I forced myself to write today, finally getting past this little road block. I`m going to try to write another chapter today and post that by Sunday night. After that, I`ll be free to decide where the plot will go from there. yay!
> 
> Also, I wanted to ask you guys a quick question. so personally, for awhile, i`ve been looking into paganism/witchcraft/wicca and finding some comfort in it and maybe pursuing it in the future when I learn more about it and i`m free to do so. I was wondering if it was ok if I included it in this story, the reader learning some witchcraft, not necessarily wicca, since I`m just a broom closet witch myself and know next to nothing. that way she could be a help to the team post missions and stuff. I think it could be kinda cute and cool, cooking spells to help them relax and healing them with herbs and stuff. no crazy crazy demon summoning magic (since thats not really what wicca or witchcraft is rooted in anyway.) i just wanted to make sure that you all know that I might be doing that and that if it makes you uncomfortable, just dont read it.
> 
> ANYWAY!!! I hope you all are doing well. Quarantine is almost over for me but that kinda sucks because the yellow zone is worse than being stuck inside, i think. I`d just like to go straight to everything being normal. i hate wearing masks.  
> also, happy news! i`m starting an online college class on monday so i`ll be able to actually write under the guise of "schoolwork" so thats exciting!   
> i love you all so much. thank you for your support and love for this story, it makes me really happy to see that people are enjoying this. until next time!


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N confronts her parents for the last time. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HELLO HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! I am in such a good mood because I wrote like 6 chapters yesterday and I cant wait to share them all with you. I finally worked through everything I`ve planned so far so now I get to plan new things for this story. YAY!
> 
> Anyway, this is a really tough chapter. Here is where Y/N finally gets to confront her parents face to face. There is language, there is emotional trauma, there is emotional and physical abuse. If any of this is triggering, please dont read it. Just skip to my notes at the end and I`ll tell you what happened in a safe way. This chapter was such a beautifully terrible thing to write and I understand if any of you cant read it right now. Take care of yourselves, stay safe!

When you stepped through those elevator doors, your heart was barely beating. How many times had you been in this situation and just given up to them? You felt Tony and Peter by your sides and knew that they wouldn’t let that happen again. Today was the last time they would win over you.

You barely saw the two police officers as they turned to you. You only briefly recognized the Avengers that were standing angrily in front of the intruders; Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Wanda.

You only saw your parents, the rage practically glowing around them. So much hatred, so much faked betrayal. So much self righteousness. You remembered back to the many times they would manipulate you in front of therapists and healthcare professionals, making you come crawling back to them in shame and pity for them, self hate at what you had done. Today, that was not going to happen. No, you were so filled with rage yourself. You let your inner child, the little Y/N who had been hurt over and over again, invalidated and berated, take over you. You let all the emotions you had bottled away, the trauma you had experienced and ignored, come rising to the surface. But you would keep it under control. You would be stronger than them. Because you were stronger than them. And more mature than them. You had been for years and you would prove it now.

“Y/N!” your mother shouted. You squared your jaw and stared through her.

“What on earth are you doing? What is this about? Do you know what we`ve had to do to be here? Your siblings are home all alone and if they get hurt or kill each other, its your fault! This is ridiculous and–“

One of the officers cut her off. “Ma`am, we need you to wait until we speak to your daughter before you influence any of her decisions.”

She huffed. “This is ridiculous, Im her mother. I know better than she does. I know whats best for her. She doesn’t, she`s only 20.” Your dad just stood there, rage on his face and tension in his jaw as she continued to huff and pout; the other officer approached you. 

“Miss Y/N?”

You squeezed Tony`s hand. “Yes?”

“Are you here of your own free will?”

“Yes, sir.”

“No one forced you or coerced you into coming here?”

“No, sir.”

“No one made any threats to make you stay here?”

“No, sir. I am here because I want to be here. I no longer want to be living at my house with my parents.”

“LIAR!” your mother screamed. “All you do is make up lies for attention! We have done nothing wrong! You just make things up in your head like the actress you are! We have tried to change and be there for you and support you and its never good enough for you. You have torn our family apart and–“

“Ma`am, we need you to be quiet please.”

The officer continued questioning you. “Why do you no longer want to live with your parents?”

Tony squeezed your hand as you took a deep breath. “Because although my parents have improved from their past emotional abuse, I have yet to heal from it and I cannot heal while living with them in the environment they create. I cannot find healing and I cannot find myself if they demand that I live under their restrictive rules and harmful lifestyle. I have no wish to press charges against them for what they have done to me in the past; I simply want to move on. If I am the burden, actress, and root of all family strain like they say I am, it will be better for everyone if I distance myself now.”

“No! You don’t get to say that!” your father screamed, slamming his fist down on the reception desk. “You don’t get to stand there and blame us and leave us. We are your family; we love you. Everything we have done is to save you from yourself and guide you to Heaven. The devil is trying to get you, Y/N, and youre giving in. You don’t pray or care enough about our beliefs or the Church and you certainly don’t deserve God`s love if you keep acting this way.” He started crying. You remembered all the times he manipulated you like this, whether on purpose or not. Tony stepped forward.

“Officer, are we done here?”

You held him back. You finally looked at your parents. You let go of Tony`s hand and stepped forward.

“You will never speak to me like that again. You will never blame me and my choices on some being`s work. I am my own person. I can make my own decisions. They might be wrong sometimes but at least I have made them. You have both deeply hurt me and I need time and space to heal from that. I cant be who you want me to be, I can only be who I am. I am happy and I will be happy.”

Your mom stepped forward and grabbed your wrist. “But we love you! We love you more than anyone on earth. More than your new billionaire sinner friends who believe your lies. We want to save you and help you. You need to look in your heart and realize that you need to let go of your grudges, forgive, and let us love you.”

You look her straight in the eyes as you rip your arm away.

“You don’t love me. Not if you knew me. Every time I make my own decisions, you hate me. You hold back your love and make me work to earn it. That’s not love. I shouldn’t have to prove myself to you in order to be worthy of your love. Would you love me if I told you that I liked girls? Yeah mom. Yeah, dad. I`m bisexual. I love girls and boys. Would you love me if I told you that I`m not a Catholic anymore? Yup, you heard right! I hate the Church and its restrictive rules. The way it manipulates us into feeling unworthy of anything, of having to earn love, of hating everyone who doesn’t act like we do. God is supposed to be a god of love but no one in the Church acts like it. Do you love me? No, because I don’t fit your cross-shaped box. I`m tired of sacrificing and letting you walk all over me in the name of salvation. Im tired of the hypocrisy and the lies. You have blamed me for all of your struggles, the family`s problems, your marriage difficulties. All of your children have depression and anxiety and an unhealthy dose of perfectionism and a desire to please and you still blame me? I`m not the problem; you are. You expect too much of your children. We are children. Not saints. You put the burden of the world on our shoulders and that is too much for anyone. We cant just pray and then everything goes away. Especially not when I still have to suffer every day. I cant count the number of times I could have left, that I wanted to leave, that people have been willing to help me and I chose to stay because I believed that you could change, that I could forgive you and we could be a family like we are supposed to be. So don’t look at me and tell me that I haven’t tried hard enough. I have tried! Every fucking day! Every time I wake up and chose to live in this hell instead of ending it all. Every time I chose to help you and counsel you and serve you and try to make myself change to be who you want me to be, I have tried enough. I have done enough. I don’t need to do anything else to prove my worth to you. So yeah. You wanted a Catholic, Republican, straight, perfectly submissive daughter. But you got a broken, hurt, Democratic, bi, trauma-ridden one. Do you love me like this?”

They only stared at you as your heart pounded.

“If you don’t love me like this, I want nothing to do with you. You cant love me like this and you never will, because you are too stuck in your own ways and justification to change. I love my siblings and I love the happy memories that we have as a family but I cant live like this anymore. I cant be who you want me to be because its killing me. If someday you are ready to love me and accept me like your religion says you should, I`ll be here. But until then, I never want to see you again. And if you try to keep my siblings from communicating with me, it will be you guys breaking their hearts, not me. I will always choose love. And I hope someday you will too.”

You turn away and walk back to the officer.

“Officer, are we done here?”

He nodded. “Yes, miss. I`ll escort them out.”

You nod, turning back to say goodbye as a hand flies across your face. For the first time since the days of Spanky the spoon, your mom had slapped you. Cheek stinging, you barely had time to blink as she grabbed your arm and pulled it out of its socket, then punching you in the nose. Natasha pulls her off you instantly in a headlock amid her screaming obscenities and curses at you. You collapsed as your dad began to drag you by your dislocated arm to the exit. Through your tears, you could see a blurry Steve and Bucky block off the entrance as Tony grabbed your dad`s arm.

“You will let go of her NOW!” Tony demanded, squeezing your dad`s arm with his metal glove until your dad`s arm popped. He cried out in pain and released you. Tony socked him in the jaw before sweeping you up in his arms.

“I`ve got you, Y/N. I will never let you go. You`re safe now.” Tony whispered, holding you tight.

You watched as your dad began to come after you, only to be wrapped in a red mist. You turned your throbbing head a little, seeing Wanda, her face burning with rage and eyes glowing red.

“YOU WILL NOT TOUCH HER!” she screamed. She made a move to throw him back but was stopped by Peter.

“No, Wanda. They have to walk out of here.” Peter calmed her. Her eyes stopped glowing but her hands tensed as she made the ribbons of magic burn a thin line into my dad`s arm. 

“Now leave.” Demanded Tony, his voice rumbling in his chest against your face. “You are no longer welcome here and I, unlike your daughter, have no qualms about taking this to the authorities.”

Your mom screamed as she and you dad were forced out the door, “YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU`LL BURN IN HELL!”

Peter webbed the doors shut as Tony directed FRIDAY to initiate lockdown protocol, just in case they turned around. Despite the pain you felt all over, you finally felt free. They were gone, most likely forever, and you were free. You started to cry tears of joy as Tony sat on the floor with you in his lap, Wanda stroking your hair and Peter holding your hand. Your new family stood around you and you could feel their love around you. You were free.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO YEAH, THAT HAPPENED!  
> Basically, for my safety readers, Y/N tells the police that she`s here of her own free will and they are okay with that, its just protocol to make sure she wasnt kidnapped. So theyre all ready to leave but then Y/N`s parents flip out and start screaming at her. Y/N then finally, kind of calmly, goes off on them and tells them about how hurt she is and that she needs space. She tells them that she doesnt follow their religion and that she is bisexual (what a way to come out...). She tells them that if they cannot love her the way she is, then she wants nothing to do with them. When she tells them to leave, they attack her and physically harm her. The Avengers then drag them out and lock them out. Y/N then realizes that she is completely free and cries tears of joy.
> 
> This was an emotional journey, my dudes. Hard to write but necessary. Y/N`s parents are controlling AF and they needed to know that she wasnt coming back, that it was over. LIBERATION!!!!  
> Anyway, now Y/N is free to build her new family so there will be lots of fluff and healing from now on out. Cant promise completely smooth sailing because trauma dont work like that but I`m looking forward to writing some fluff. Including finally delving into the incoming tensions between Wanda and Y/N. Its going to be so cute, I cant wait to share it with you guys. Be still, my bisexual heart.
> 
> I`ll post another chapter by Sunday! Happy reading!


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N recovers with Wanda and the team tries to make you dinner to help you feel better.

The rest of that afternoon was spent cuddled in bed with Wanda. After your parents had left, you had all stayed on the floor of the lobby, Bucky taking over holding you when Tony left to make some phone calls about security from now on. After about an hour, once you ran out of tears, Nat gently reminded you all that you needed to get your shoulder fixed. Bucky carried you upstairs, Wanda never letting go of your hand. 

Steve quietly explained the situation to Bruce, who had ignored the situation to his own sadness and pain, wishing he could’ve been there but knowing that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. Nat helped Bruce as the two of them set your shoulder back in place. You barely felt it, you were so exhausted. Bruce put a type of bandage on your nose and shoulder, which he quietly explained would work like an ice pack and also heal bruising a lot fast. 

You liked Bruce, he was really kind and understanding. You felt safe with him. You wryly shared with him that you had always hoped that your parents would hit you, so that you would have physical proof of the abuse and people would believe you. He nodded in understanding, squeezing the hand not occupied by Wanda. Bucky carried you back to your bedroom as the other Avengers dispersed and helped Wanda tuck you in. They talked in another language shortly before Bucky left and Wanda climbed in after you, her comforting warmth wrapping around you. 

The two of you spent hours like that, cuddled around each other as you breathed, trying to get used to the complete freedom you now had. She stroked your hair and your back, not asking anything, just being with you. She knew that you needed comfort even without using her powers. You had talked enough for that day. You didn’t fall asleep though. You just let yourself be. Finally, after many hours, you spoke.

“Wanda?”

“Yes?”

You turned to face her, barely feeling your pain thanks to Bruce`s bandages. “Thank you. For protecting me. For being here. I feel safe with you. I`m sorry, this doesn’t really make any sense.”

“You make sense to me.” She stroked your back, looking into your eyes. You felt your heart skip a little. What was that? Unacceptable, now was not the time to emotionally attach to someone. You shoved that fluttering butterfly back into your heart. Nevertheless, you snuggled into her chest. Just then, your stomach growled.

You both giggled softly. You looked up at her.

“Can we go get some food please?” you asked.

She nodded, unwrapping her arms and legs from around you. She helped you sit up.

“Do you want to change? You look adorable but youre exhausted.” Wanda asked.

“Yeah, big potato clothes would feel great,” you agreed, ignoring that one word. Sweatpants and a huge sweatshirt later, the two of you made your way down the hall. Physically, you felt completely better. Your shoulder no longer hurt and your face wasn’t swollen or buzzing anymore. But emotionally, you were exhausted. It was a long freaking day. Making your way out of the elevator and into the kitchen, you were met with shouting and smoke.

“What is going on in here?” you found the strength to yell.

Bucky whirled around as Steve turned guiltily from the stove. Bucky spoke first.

“Well, I said we should make you dinner since today was….a lot.” He decided on. “Nat made dessert so I was supposed to be in charge of dinner but Steve here–“ at this he turned on Steve. “Steve here, who has never been able to cook a day in his life, suddenly decided that he was Auguste Gusteau and he BURNT MY LASAGNA!” Bucky finished, fuming. Steve looked mortified and was as red as a tomato. Which matched his strawberry print ruffled apron. At this, you burst out laughing. You couldn’t help it. Soon, everyone else joined in.

Finally, wiping the tears from your eyes and holding your aching stomach, you spoke. 

“Can we just order pizza?”

Steve breathed, relieved, as he tugged at his flouncy apron. “Yes, please. Save me from my shame.”

Wanda squeezed your hand. “What kind of pizza do you want?”

You thought. You hadn’t gotten to pick what kind of pizza you wanted in years. At your house, you always had whatever your siblings, mainly your brother, wanted. Which usually ended up being something with mushrooms, you remembered, crinkling your nose. 

You whispered, elated. “Can we have Hawaiian pizza? Please?”

“Of course,” Wanda smiled, hugging you again. Still attached to your side, she pulled you over to the counter and whipped out a notepad from a drawer. Writing down “Hawaiiian”, she asked Nat and the boys what they wanted. Then, she marched the two of you down to the lab. She took Bruce`s order as well.

“Bruce, where`s Tony?” she demanded. This was a woman on a mission and you were in awe; afraid and a little turned on. No, no, nope, absolutely not; you shoved that thought right back where it came from. You`d known her three days and she was just a friend who cared about you a lot. That’s it. 

You berated yourself mentally until the two of you stepped off the elevator onto Tony`s floor. It was really nice, you thought as you looked around. Simple. Not at all like Tony. Wanda marched you through the hall and into a room where Tony and Morgan sat on the floor, playing with Barbies. You giggled as Wanda let go of your hand walked straight up to him, hands on her hips.

“Y/N!” Morgan explained, jumping up and running to you. You picked her up and swung her around, holding her tightly. Wanda smiled, then thrust the list of pizzas in Tony`s face.

“Order. Now” she demanded.

He dropped the Barbie in mock shock. “Am I a mere delivery boy? Must I take orders from my subjects?”

At this, Morgan turned in my arms. “No, Daddy, I`M the queen. YOU`RE my subject. And I want cheese pizza.” She stated proudly as you laughed.

Tony and Wanda laughed as well. He finally surrendered, getting up and taking the list. “Fine, I will order the pizza. But you have to tell Mommy, Morgan, that you wanted pizza instead of her cooking.”

You stopped. “Oh, I`m sorry. I didn’t realize that Pepper was cooking.”

Tony shook his head. “No, its fine. She usually cooks for us every other night, just the three of us. But it will be nice to eat with the team again today. Its been a day.”

Tony would never tell Y/N that he hugged Morgan a little tighter after he left Y/N with the team. That he internally swore that he would always love Morgan no matter what, Y/N`s suffering fresh in his heart. Instead, he ruffled his daughter`s hair in Y/N`s arms and sauntered off to order the pizza.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, family!  
> First off, I wanted to say thank you to you all for taking this journey with me. Its so wonderful for me and I hope it is for you too. I really look forward to posting chapters.  
> Anyway, here`s today`s chapter! I didnt post yesterday because I decided to make a dress. Now, I have zero sewing experience and had no pattern. So you may ask, Sarah, literally why?  
> Well, I`ll tell you why. I love making my life harder. All jokes aside though, it went really well and now I have a really cute pale green polka dot sundress! I`m calling it my Tinkerbell dress.
> 
> On a more important note, i`ve written up to chapter 23 so its going to be a great week for posting! I have no self control once I write a chapter and like to share it as soon as possible.  
> I hope you all are doing fantabulicious! Hope you enjoyed the beginning of our Reader/Wanda little romance thing going on! I certainly am! And the Bucky/Reader friendship coming up is pure gold, my heart is so happy :)


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza night at the Avengers is an Olympic sport.

Pepper walked up to the Compound, following the pizza boy in as Tony held the door. Looking at the 10 boxes of pizza in his arms, she raised an eyebrow.

“So I guess I`m not cooking tonight?” she laughed.

Tony smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, it was a rough day for everyone, I`ll catch you up later. I`m sorry but Morgan saw the pizza list before I could remind her that it was family dinner night.”

“No, its ok. I had a long day and was dreading having to cook. I still don’t know why I accepted your offer all those years ago. I hate stuffy businessmen.”

“Ah, but you`re so good at it.” Tony twirled her with his free hand and kissed her deeply. Finally, she pushed him off and dug in her purse, pulling out a $100 bill and handing it to the mortified delivery boy who had set the boxes on the counter. He quickly rushed out, murmuring thanks. They both laughed as they moved to set the table.

\-----

Wanda, Morgan, and you were pulled from an elaborate game of Warring Clans with the Barbies when FRIDAY interrupted you.

“Ladies, the pizza is here.”

No more words were required. The three of you dashed off down the hall, racing down the stairs, not trusting a likely crowded elevator. Skidding to a stop in the kitchen, your jaw dropped.

“Wanda, when I said I wanted pizza, I didn’t mean a whole pizza for myself!” 

There were 10 WHOLE BOXES of pizza on the counter! TEN BOXES! The boys and Nat had already arrived and were picking through the boxes. Wanda nudged you.

“Better shove your way in there to get your pizza before they do.” She teased, before dashing off to grab a plate. You followed after watching Morgan make her way over to her parents, who already sat eating with pizza waiting for their daughter. Taking Wanda`s advice literally, you took the opportunity to shove Bucky away from your Hawaiian pizza.

“Hey!” he protested. You only cackled as you danced away with three pieces of your favorite pizza on a plate. Setting it down next to Wanda, you opened the fridge and poured yourself a tall glass of sweet tea. This was heaven. Making your way back to the table you sat down, only to find Bucky on your other side.

“This is payback for getting in the way of my pizza,” he said smugly. You smiled, picking up your pizza and stretching your elbows as far as they could reach, expertly poking his arm.

“I believe its my pizza.” You state, taking a huge bite of your pizza. You almost moaned, eyes rolling back in your head. It tasted so good! You hadn’t had it for ages. And this, this was amazing. When you finished your first piece, Bucky inevitably challenged you to a contest. He ended up winning anyway but you were so proud of yourself! You had eaten five pieces of pizza, probably a mistake, but you were happy. You had never been able to eat more than three pieces, usually because of family rules. And now here you were, free and full.

As everyone started to slow down, Tony stood.

“Well, fight over whats left and everyone take a box to your rooms.”

You and Wanda share a glance and she winks. Leaning over, she whispers, “I already sent two boxes back to your room. We can have first dibs on desserts.” 

As everyone clamored over the pizza and ran off to their rooms, Nat slyly slid the cake over to the two of you. It was a beautiful strawberry shortcake, something you had always wanted to try. You squealed and jumped up, hugging Nat super tightly, which she returned.

By the time everyone else came back, the three of you were sitting there, laughing, eating cake like nothing else in the world mattered. The entire cake disappeared that night, Morgan was whisked off to bed, and you and Wanda headed back to her room for a movie.

If it was possible for a room to be both simple and elegant, that was Wanda`s room. The furniture was simply cut from a light colored wood, with deep red blankets. The walls were the truly stunning part of the room, however. The walls were painted to look like a silver forest, with spindly magical silver trees sent against a black night sky full of stars. 

“Wanda, this is beautiful. You truly have a gift.”

She blushed as she opened her movie cabinet underneath her TV. “It helps me focus, helps me tune out the world and all its feelings. Gives me a place to put my past instead of holding onto it.” You crouched down next to her.

“What do you want to watch?” she asked.

You looked over her shoulder. “Ooh, can we watch (your favorite movie)?”

She smiled. “Of course, that’s one of my favorites too!”

She started the movie as her pizza box floated into the room. You laughed, diving under the covers and snuggling up to her. It was such a long day and you were so relaxed that you quickly fell asleep.

\---

Meanwhile, in Tony and Pepper`s room, Tony was telling Pepper about what had happened that morning.

"Pepper, I just...its absolutely terrible! Its not fair! I mean, I was scared of being a dad at first because I was afraid of messing it up but what I saw today as a whole new level of messed up. We cant ever let her go back there." Tony sat on the bed, head in his hands and almost crying. Pepper gently sat down next to him and stroked his back.

"Then she`ll stay here. For as long as she needs. I have no problem taking on another little one. She may be an adult but inside, she`s a very strong but scared little girl who had to grow up way too fast. Maybe we can give her a childhood back. Maybe we can be better than her parents were." 

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "I`m so glad that you agree. If you were there, Peps, you would know. They literally attacked her. She was so brave and strong but once they left, she just broke. She`s been dreaming about freedom her whole life and now its finally here. She doesnt know how to feel, she doesnt know what freedom is and that`s so sad."

Pepper smiled sadly. "The world is a terrible place, Tony. You can take away all the aliens and the wars and the superpowers. You can do everything in your power to protect people but you cant protect people from themselves. Villains are really rare. Its the everyday people who make terrible, hurtful, abusive decisions that live on. They survive because they can get away with it. Because emotions and suffering mean nothing to the politicians and rich in this material world. And now, we`re going to do our best to rescue those people that they hurt and make sure that they cant hurt others. And we`re going to start with Y/N."

Tony took a deep breath. "Damn straight we`re starting with Y/N. And I`m going to fix this. I`m going to try. If no one else is going to fight for these kids, I`m going to. We`ve gotta fix the system. We need to push for better recognition and treatment for emotional abuse. We need to fix the foster care system, get better vetting processes, help protect these kids and make the system a safer place than the one they`re already in. There`s gotta be something I can do and I`m damn well going to find it."

Pepper laughed lightly. "I know you will, Tony. If anyone can, its you. Always has been and always will be. And I`ll be right here through it all."

Pulling her close, Tony whispered. "What did I ever do to deserve you, angel?"

Smiling, Pepper lightly kissed his cheek. "You decided to give yourself a heart, Mr. Stark."

"And I`ll never regret it as long as I live. Now lets go to bed before Morgan decides that she needs juice pops." Turning out the lights, the Starks went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody! I think I might post another chapter either today or tomorrow because this one wasnt super long and theres more exciting stuff that I have for you all. Also, I realized that Y/N and Pepper need a bonding moment so I have to go write that now.  
> I hope you enjoyed! As of right now, the story is almost 30,000 words in my word document and thats CRAZY! I cant believe how well this is going.  
> Lots of love, stay safe!


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see things from Wanda`s POV for a bit. Then, Y/N gets some alone time and takes a much needed self-care bath.

Wanda looked down at Y/N as the credits rolled. She had fallen asleep halfway into the movie and Wanda hadn’t the heart to wake her. It had been such a long day. Wanda thought back to earlier that day, as Y/N`s parents threatened her and beat her. Her heart boiled. It wasn’t fair that Y/N had this trauma and that even more so, that it was rooted in her parents. 

Wanda remembered her parents, how kind they were, despite their poor circumstances. She didn’t understand how parents could treat their children so harshly. Her own trauma made sense, she had even blamed it on herself before. After all, she volunteered for HYDRA, any mistreatment she suffered, the trauma she experienced, it made sense. But for someone to have that trauma and not even be able to blame the people who caused it because they were your parents? It was unfair. 

Her heart nudged her, reminding her of the fear she had felt when Y/N`s parents attacked her. How angry she was when her father dragged her away. How she snapped. How much she cared for Y/N – nope, not going there. She mentally kicked herself.

Y/N was suffering, she was recovering from trauma. She needed to focus on healing and she needed a friend. That was all. She didn’t need Wanda moping after her because of some silly crush. It was ridiculous! Its not like Wanda stared at her smile or like her heart skipped whenever Y/N laughed. Wanda absolutely never wanted to hold her and protect her from the world. And she most definitely didn’t nearly trip over her feet when Y/N spun Morgan around laughing. After all, Wanda barely knew her! Not nearly enough to admire her courage and strength and ability to care for other people even when she herself was breaking.

Shit, Wanda thought. She banged her head against her headboard. Now you`ve done it, she thought. Y/N stirred in her arms, sleepily pulling at Wanda`s shirt gently, pulling her closer. Wanda asked FRIDAY to turn out the lights as she snuggled down next to Y/N. She gazed at her a moment, brushing a piece of hair away from her eyes. She was so beautiful. 

Wanda closed her eyes, pushing those thoughts away as she held Y/N`s hand, stroking circles with her thumb until Wanda herself drifted off to sleep.

\-------

You were bolted awake a loud stream of angry words in a different language. You sit up, disoriented. Where were you?

Wanda`s room. Movie night. You fell asleep.

Taking a deep breath and forcing yourself to calm down, you looked around. The long line of words was coming from a very angry and soaking wet Wanda. Literally. Nat was standing there with an empty glass, which she must have just dumped on Wanda. So she was most likely spouting curses. You tried to rub the sleep from your eyes as you watched Nat hold back laughter.

“We have training in five minutes and you didn’t come to breakfast. Be there.” Nat smirked, winking at you as she turned and walked out, not seeing your slight blush. Wanda pulled her hair back and flicked water from her eyes.

“UGH! And I was sleeping so well!” She exclaimed.

You couldn’t help it, you laughed. She glared at you and then started laughing herself. Hopping up, she grabbed a pair of leggings, a tank top, sports bra, and underwear from her drawers and dashed into the bathroom. As she got ready, you stayed in her bed, sitting cross-legged and wrapped up in blankets. It was really nice in here, you thought to yourself. Smiling, you turned your head as she left the bathroom, pulling on her shirt. You blushed, getting a nice view of her beautifully toned abs. You watched her arms and shoulders as she pulled her hair into a ponytail and snapped on a thin metal bracelet.

Oh, your heart was a treacherous beast.

“Alright, I have to go or Nat`s going to have me do extra push-ups.”

“And we wouldn’t want that now, would we?” you laughed. 

“God, theyre awful,” she groaned, tying on her sneakers. As she made her way to the door, she paused, turning. 

“I`ll come find you after training, okay?”

Sending finger guns her way, you winked. “Okieday.”

Yup. Definitely just friends.

As soon as she left, you lay back down, curling up. You were warm and cozy and quickly fell back asleep.

–Your heart pounding, you ran through the hall. The darkness surrounded you as his footsteps pounded behind you. You could feel the knife in your back as he took you down and–

You began to wake up from your nightmare, soaked in sweat, breathing hard, and heart pounding. The blankets tangled around you as you struggled to get free, your eyes still closed trapped in your nightmare. You let out a wordless cry.

“Y/N, you are safe here. You are in Wanda`s room and you are safe. Please breathe.” A voice cut through your dream as you finally opened your eyes. It was FRIDAY, waking you up. You were ok. You started to catch your breath. Unwrapping yourself from the blankets, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes as you stood. Walking over to the window, you leaned against it. Why was it always the murder dreams? For over two years you had been having nightmares almost every night where you were being chased and hunted to either be captured or killed. It was exhausting. You hadn’t had any during the night which was a relief but you didn’t understand why…

Wanda. You didn’t have any dreams because of Wanda. You felt safe with her. Oh god, what if she was getting your nightmares? 

You stopped yourself from spiraling. You needed a shower. You needed to calm down. Walking out of Wanda`s room, you turned right and walked straight into your room. Shutting the door, you peeled off your clothes on the way to your bathroom. You turned on the water to a burning temperature and started to fill up the tub. Then you grabbed a towel from the closet and caught a look at yourself in the mirror. 

A strange creature you were. Medium height, you were pretty skinny, your ribs showed from years of unhealthy eating. Your shoulder bones stuck out at odd angles and your cheekbones were sharp. Your chest was small, barely a B cup, which you hated but were constantly trying to force yourself to love. But your hips and thighs, they were the work of gods. You felt so confident about your legs. They were strong and chubby and cuddlable. They carried you and helped you dance and you loved them. Your hips were wide and beautiful, helped you sway with every song. But you couldn’t help noticing your scars.

Some were visible to everyone, some only you saw. Thin, long white lines from sleepless nights alone in the bathroom. Times where you were too broken to feel alive and you so desperately wanted to feel alive. You sighed. You were confident about them, didn’t care about being in a swimsuit. You didn’t care who saw. But you were afraid of people asking about them. You didn’t know what to say. It was just awkward. How could you possibly explain in a socially acceptable guilt free way what you had experienced? 

You sighed again and shook yourself off. You didn’t need to focus on it. If you did, you would put yourself in a dangerous headspace. When you could no longer see yourself in the mirror, you decided that the water was probably hot enough. Grabbing some lavender bubble bath that you had found under the sink, you poured in quite a lot, probably a third of the bottle. You hadn’t had a bubble bath since you had probably been four. The bubbles piled high as you climbed in, the water completely covering you as you leaned back. Hair down, you reached out with your foot and turned off the water.

“Hey FRIDAY?” you asked.

“Yes, Y/N?” 

“Can you play my Summer playlist? Oh, and if I fall asleep, wake me up please.”

“Of course, Y/N.”

You swirled your arms through the bubbles, marveling at their glow. They were beautiful. The lavender smell helped calm you down from the nightmare, almost forgetting it entirely as you soaked away. 

You didn’t know how long you laid there, held in the warm embrace of the water and lost in your imagination. You imagined yourself away as a mermaid or a water nymph or a magical sorceress in a mythical land, trapped in a lagoon. You were brought out of your dream by a knock at the door. 

You jumped, sloshing water over the edge.

“Who is it?” you called.

“Its just me.” Wanda answered. “I wanted to check in on you, let you know I was done training.”

You breathed. “Okay, thanks. I was just getting out.”

There was a pause. “Do you want to do lunch after this?”

You startled. Lunch? “What time is it?”

“Its like 2pm.”

“Oh. Yeah, I completely forgot. Give me like ten minutes.”

“Okay, I`ll be in my room.” You listened as Wanda left, shutting the door behind her. Taking a deep breath, you leaned back. Relishing in the warm water, you unplugged the drain with your foot. Standing up, you quickly showered off and stepped out, wrapping yourself in a warm fluffy towel. You squeezed out your hair and wrapped it up in a second towel. Drying off, you wandered out into your closet to find an outfit. You decided on a pair of short denim shorts and a cream colored shirt with sunflowers, tucked in, of course. Drying your hair off, you put some leave-in conditioner in it and humidity gel, deciding to let it air dry. On second thought, you threw a scrunchie around your wrist, knowing it would probably drive you crazy soon. You tied on your amber choker and golden butterfly earrings. About to put on lip gloss, you decided against it. You were going to eat, it was just going to come off anyway. Nodding at your reflection, you walked out the door and over to Wanda`s room. A short knock and she appeared; soon, you were walking down the hall to get lunch.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here`s another chapter for today! I cant help myself, this story is going beautiful places.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N recounts her week. While outside meditating, Wanda comes to tell her something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know youve held onto a chapter too long when you realize that you dont remember what its about....
> 
> i`m going to post a bunch of chapters today because I have no self control and i need motivation to write more. this is not my best chapter, looking back over it now. but im not getting rid of it.
> 
> also, i`ve realized i`ve really thrown peter to the side to focus on developing new friendships and relationships for Y/N. is that ok? also, pietro hasnt even appeared yet like I said he would. so would y`all be ok with just not including him? or any ideas on how i could incorporate him would be greatly appreciated!

The next week passed in a flurry. You were surprised, expecting to be bored out of you mind and fear ridden. But you felt safe. Basically glued to Wanda, you guys only slept together once for a movie night sleepover. You didn’t tell her about your nightmares, or the times you woke up crying. You had taken care of them on your own before and you would now. So needless to say you weren’t sleeping well, but other than that, you were so happy. You were getting to know her and falling even more but trying to fight it. It was quieter at the Compound than you had thought. Peter had gone to live with Aunt May, Clint had gone home to his kids. Thor was on Asgard and you assumed that Loki was too. Nat did, who knows what every day. Sometimes, Wanda spent her days with her doing training, you assumed. Sam lived in the gym and on the track with Steve and Bucky. It seemed like a constant testosterone competition with them. Bruce spent most of his days in the lab and Tony was usually with him. Pepper worked every day so you spent most of your days with Morgan, playing Warring Barbies and Princesses and Warlocks in the yard. You made breakfast and dinner almost every day, winning the team over with your exceptional cooking. It was so nice and you didn’t mind it, cooking for your new family. Unlike at your house, where it was a chore. Here, it was almost a game. Seeing if you could cook the meal without anyone guessing what it was and constantly defending it from the boys. Sometimes, you got to spend the day with Bruce in the lab, quietly handing him tools even though you didn’t know what he was doing. Everything had a beautiful, chaotic rhythm to it and it made you happy. Until the team had a briefing meeting.

You were sitting in the forest, writing down your experience from the pathworking meditation you just did. Now that you were free, you were trying to explore your connection with nature and spirituality, one that had always been there but you had never been free to explore. It was always labeled as the work of the devil but you were discovering that it was the furthest thing from it. You didn’t know everything yet but you were starting to learn. As you wrote, Wanda sat down next to you.

“Hey. What are you up to?”

You closed your book. “Oh, um, just working on this mediation thing. Trying to process stuff.”

Wanda smiled. “Yeah? How`s it going?”

You paused. “You wont think its weird?” People usually got weird about meditation stuff. Especially pathworking.

Wanda laughed. “Please, we live with the Avengers. Nothing can be weirder than Captain America in a strawberry ruffled apron.”

You laughed, remembering the failed dinner the other day. “Yeah, youre right.”

You settled yourself and took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain it. 

“So I`ve always been really connected to nature. Like, always. I believed in fairies and the mythical world so avidly as a child and still do, honestly. I feel safest and happiest out here. I`ve always believed that there was more, you know? Anyway, I`ve started looking into pathworking recently. Its kind of a facet or practice used in witchcraft and, if I`m being honest, everyone should mediate, its really great. But the kind of pathworking I`m looking into is focused on connecting with your inner self and more specifically, your inner child. It works really great with childhood trauma victims and theyre actually using it in some therapy, sometimes. When the therapist is open-minded. But it really helps. Its helping me understand why I`m so confused and scared. Why I still feel so many things that Ive been through and why I cant let go of them. Little Y/N, that’s what I call her, she`s really confused by all this change and she feels like I don’t care about her or her dreams, since I`m telling her that everything we used to believe was wrong. She`s really lonely and she needs me to guide her and love her, because no one ever did that for her. Its helping me find my happy place, trying to find the joy that I used to have. And its comforting, trying to accept this trauma and find a balance of who I want to be. Because I want to be a little kid again but Ive grown up so much that I know that I need to blend the two together in order to survive in reality.”

Wanda nodded. “That makes sense. I don’t think its weird at all. You need to find what works for you, who you devote yourself to, your guides. No one else has any right to judge you. The joy that you have, when you let it out sometimes, its so beautiful and contagious. You have so much light inside of you and youre going to do such amazing things.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “That’s such a relief, I was so worried you would think I was a devil-worshipper or crazy demon summoner. So many people think that`s what its about and its not! Its actually so much more focused on nature and your connection with the celestial. At least, that’s what I`m focusing on. Theres too much craziness in my life for me to poke the occult.”

You both laughed.

“How was the briefing meeting thing?” you asked, tucking your notebook away and curling your hair behind your ear.

She sighed, looking down at her hands. “Not good. There`s rumors going around that a past HYDRA official is snooping around, looking to start a new branch. A team of us is being sent out to investigate and probably shut him down.” Here she paused.

“Youre going, aren’t you?” you asked. 

“Yeah.”

You knew this was coming, you just didn’t think it was going to be so soon. You`d only been here for two weeks. Still you sighed. This was her job. And she was smart and brave and powerful and she wouldnt be alone. She would be safe. So you reached out and covered her hand.

“I`ll be okay. Don’t worry about me. You have a job to do and you are brave and strong enough to do it. I`ll be waiting here for you when you come home.”

She smiled, turning her hand to hold yours. “Thanks, Y/N. I knew you would understand.”

“Who else is going?”

“Well, its me, Nat, Steve, and Sam. Tony will be overseeing things from the base, Bruce just does his thing. So it`ll kinda just be you and Bucky on the base. Bucky`s still trying to heal himself so we aren’t putting him on too many missions. And you two get along okay, right? So you should be fine?”

You smiled. “Yeah, I`ll be fine. We`ll probably drive each other crazy but we`ll be okay.”

Pulling her up, you grabbed your notebook. The two of you walked back to the Compound.

“What do you want to do?” you asked her as you walked inside and into the elevator.

Wanda thought for a moment. Then she smiled. 

“Can we paint outside on the balcony?” 

You nodded with excitement. “Of course!”

The two of you gathered up your collective painting supplies, setting up on the balcony outside the living room. The sun was setting as the tow of you sat there in comfortable silence, playing with color and creation. Her sunset painting was stunning, so soft with beautiful pastel clouds congregating over a vibrant horizon. Yours was less realistic but you tried not to hate it. It was still beautiful, a fluid blend of light colors that made your soul sing. You loved it so much. You loved this moment too. You stole a couple glances as the wind played with Wanda`s hair, her lips parted in concentration.

Just friends. Obviously.

You checked your new, Tony Stark issued phone. It was sleek and beautiful and you loved it. You didn’t have to be afraid of anyone checking over your shoulder or reading your messages. You could use any app you wanted without it timing out. It was great. Lost in thought, you turned it off without checking the time. Interally groaning, you had to pull it out again and check. It was almost 5 pm! Packing up your paints, you turned to Wanda.

“Hey, Im going to go make dinner. I`ll let you know when its ready.”

And no, of course you didn’t have a flash of future domesticity. You just held on to her smile as you turned into the kitchen.


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda leaves with Steve, Nat, and Sam for the mission.

You sat on the edge of the bed, watching Wanda pack for the mission. She was leaving in a few minutes and was just packing her last few things. You were a little nervous for her but you trusted her that she would stay safe. You were going to miss her so much. It would be quiet and lonely without her. You sighed, standing up as she zipped up her duffel bag.

“Ready to go?”

Wanda looked around one last time. “Yeah, I hope I got everything.”

Nat had already packed all the weapons in the Quinjet so all that was left was for Wanda to throw her duffel in the jet and then off they`d go. Stepping around her, you slung her duffel over your shoulder.

“Alright, let`s go!”

“I can carry my own duffel, thank you.”

“Nope, I already got it.” You shifted it and started to walk out the door. “Coming?”

You could hear her sigh deeply as you smiled and kept walking. You paused as she shut her door and waited for her to catch up with you. The two of you made your way down the stairs and out to the landing pad. It was a gray day, the sun barely shining, but it was a comfortable temperature. Comfortable for leggings and a tank top.

You could see the rest of the team waiting in a group near the Quinjet. You and Wanda walked up to them. The breeze played with your hair as you stopped on the pavement, watching Bruce berate Nat on whether or not she was completely prepped and packed.

“Did you pack your throwing knives?”

“Yes, Bruce, I always have them with me.”

“Yeah but did you double check?”

“Bruce! I`m fine. I`m going to be fine.”

You looked away as they shared a hug. They were an odd couple but they existed together perfectly. You smiled. It was so wonderful to see both of them happy. And Bruce was such a mother hen to begin with. Steve was murmuring something to Bucky, who nodded slightly embarrassed. Then he turned to punch Sam in the shoulder and laughed off whatever just happened, commenting, “Don’t die, Big Bird.”

Turning your attention to Tony, you listened as he gave instructions one last time.

“Remember, you work as a team but you each have your own jobs. The most important part of this mission is to make sure that we figure out what this guy is doing and if necessary, stop him. We cant afford to let HYDRA rise again. We`ve suffered and sacrificed too much already.” He clapped Steve on the shoulder.

“Captain? Do your thing.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “See, its no longer fun when you tell me to say it.” He grumbled.

Everyone laughed as he stomped off to the Quinjet. Over his shoulder, he shouted, “Avengers? Assemble!”

Sam and Nat followed. You turned to Wanda, slipping her duffel off your shoulder. “So I guess you gotta go now.” you said lamely.

She took her bag from you. “Yeah. Thanks for walking me out.”

You smiled. “Of course! Youre going to be fine. Youre strong and smart and powerful and you got this. I believe in you.”

She wrapped her arms around you. You fiercely returned the hug. Her hair smelled like cinnamon, which you breathed in as you tried to impart your energy to her. Too soon, she pulled away.

“Are you sure you`ll be okay here? If you need me ever, just call me, ok?” she hesitated to walk away.

Before you could respond, a heavy arm was slung over your shoulder as Bucky saucily leaned against you. “Nope, we`ll be fine! We`ll keep each other busy, maybe a few food fights, maybe spar to the death, push each other off buildings, you know. Child`s play.”

You laughed, nudging him slightly. “Yeah, I`m sure we`ll be conscripted into Morgan`s army in no time and then they’ll be no time to focus on our trauma!”

Wanda smiled. “Well, ok. Take good care of her, Bucky. I don’t want to come back to two dead best friends!”

You both mock saluted her as she walked away. You and Bucky stood, arms around each others waists as the door to the jet closed.

“Goddess, keep her safe. Keep them all safe,” you murmured as they lifted off. The wind whipped wildly at the two of you until you could no longer see. Squinting, you opened your eyes again once the dust cleared. Tony, who stood a couple steps ahead of you, spun on a heel and stared at you both, hands on his hips.

“And what was this I heard about a foodfight?”

You and Bucky looked at each other, then at Tony. You both took off running like a shot, back to the Compound, laughing all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!! Y/N and Bucky are promising some mischief! A friendship is in the works, ladies and gentlemen.
> 
> Again, any tips, comments, propositions/ideas, concerns are greatly appreciated! Let me know what you think so far!


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N bonds with Bucky over dinner prep

You and Bucky made it back to the Compound, you breathing hard but laughing. As you both walked into the lobby, you paused, realizing how quiet it was. Bruce walked past the two of you, shaking his head as he walked into the lab. Tony was probably already back up on his floor with Morgan. So it was just you and Bucky.

And now it was awkward. You shuffled. “Well, I guess I`ll be in my room until dinner, then. See you later?”

He shifted, self assured manner completely gone. “Yeah, see you later.”

As you walked away, he suddenly spoke up. “Hey, could I help with dinner tonight?”

You paused, turning back. “Of course! I`d love the company!” 

He smiled. “Okay, see you later, alligator.”

Calling over your shoulder as you walked to your room, “After while, crocodile!”

“Bye and bye, butterfly!”

“See you soon, raccoon!” you laughed as you shut your door.

Letting out a breath, you melted down to the floor. Now you were alone, Wanda off on some big important mission and finally free of you, her shadow. She was probably relieved to be rid of you for the next few days. Sighing, you pulled yourself up. Now, you needed to occupy yourself. You flopped down on your bed as you thought of ideas.

You could paint or draw. And be overly self-critical and end up hating it? No thank you.

You could do a mediation. Nope, already did one that morning. Don’t wanna exhaust yourself.

You could bake. Not that either, you were already going to cook tonight and you didn’t know what you wanted anyway.

You could go down and dance. You instantly cringed. You hadn’t danced in two years and would probably look like trash.

You could go make some music and sing. But that would mean getting up and walking. Ugh, making decisions was so hard.

Or….you could lay in bed for the next few hours and watch YouTube and sleep. You couldn’t think of any cons for that one so you pulled out your laptop and disappeared into the great abyss.

\-----

Many hours and brain cells later, you decided it was time to be productive and go make dinner. Changing out of the cream colored maxi dress you were wearing, you threw on a burnt orange skirt and white crop top with a little monarch butterfly on it. Tying your hair up in a messy bun, you padded off down the hall. You found Bucky`s door by the Tin Man poster on his door, a practical joke from Tony a few days ago. You frowned, wondering if Bucky minded it, before knocking a rhythm on the door.

You played with the beads of the amber choker around your neck before he answered. Clearly, he had decided to nap all afternoon as well. Hair all ruffled, he stood groggily in a white undershirt and gray sweatpants.

“Umm, hi. I was going to go make dinner and was wondering if you still wanted to help. Its ok if you don’t.”

He smiled. “Yeah sure, I`ll be there in a second.”

You breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay!” You waved, walking off as he shut the door. 

Things were weird between you two. Not romantic weird but just, well, like two very panic and trauma ridden individuals who tried to mask their pain by jokes and caring for others. He loved to be the   
class clown but you could tell when he was hurting, the days when he smiled a little smaller or didn’t show up to dinner. Reaching the kitchen, you opened the recipe on FRIDAY`s floating screen in the center of the countertop as you started to pull out ingredients. Hopefully, you could get to know Bucky better, maybe bond a little over cooking.

You straightened up with a large bowl from the bottom cabinet as Bucky wandered around the corner, pulling his long hair into a ponytail. Reaching into a drawer, he pulled out a purple apron.

“Okay, what are we cooking?”

You giggled. “Food.”

He rolled his eyes. “Duh, smartass. I thought we were cooking rubber shoes.”

At that, you laughed. “Well, we`re just cooking a really simple vegetable and beef pasta dish. Its super easy but its really good.”

“Okay. So what do you want me to do?”

“Well first you can pick our cooking playlist!” you announced, bouncing. “I refuse to cook without music in the background.”

He shook his head. “Well, all I know is old stuff, big band swing stuff and Tony hates when I play that. I don’t know much else.”

The lack of culture! You put a hand to your chest in mock horror. You cant believe that this man was allowed to be defrosted and chased and healed and befriended and NO ONE even THOUGHT to re-educate him into the ways of his new world. You tutted your tongue.

“Unacceptable, sir. I will not allow it. You are allowed to listen to whatever music you want but we also need to introduce you to the world. FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Play my summer playlist. But let Bucky add his favorite songs to the playlist too. And shuffle the whole thing.”

“Of course.”

As you turned to the stove, you took joy in the smile of happiness that lit up Bucky`s face. Pulling a large cast iron skillet out, you set it on medium heat as Bucky quickly added his favorite songs. You came to stand by him as he finished.

“Alright, now what do you want me to do?”

You smiled as the opening of Only The Good Die Young by Billy Joel surrounded you in the kitchen.

“Well, first, I started heating up the skillet, where we`ll be cooking the steak and onions. You could fill that large pot with water and set it on one of the other burners, keep it on the highest setting so that   
it heats up faster. We want it to boil.”

“Yes ma`am.”

As he did that, you pulled herbs out of the cabinet and the fridge. You also grabbed tomatoes and the onion for later.

Together, the two of you chopped cilantro and basil, setting it aside in a bowl for later. Chopping the tomato, you also set that aside. Smelling the skillet in the air, you pulled Bucky over to the stove with the container of raw beef.

“Okay so we`re going to empty this in here–“ you paused as the skillet started to sizzle when you dropped the raw meat in. “–now youre just going to take this spatula and break it up, moving it around and making sure it all cooks evenly.” You started to break up the meat, showing him how to do it before handing the spatula to him. The two of you cooked together, singing along to the music playing. 

You introduced him to Billy Joel, Haley Kiyoko, Tom Petty, and others, both of you singing and dancing to his swing music as you cooked. Finally, the meat was almost done. Chopping up an onion, eyes streaming, you dumped it into the skillet with the beef. 

“Now cook that while I wash my eyes out.”

He laughed as you frantically doused your eyes under the faucet. Blinking and able to see again, you turned to the pot. It was definitely boiling so you threw in a pinch of salt. With a spoon, you quickly drew a sigil of protection in the water, setting an intention that this meal could nourish and protect your friends. Then, you grabbed the box of pappardelle pasta and dumped the pasta into the pot. 

Setting a timer for 3 minutes. Singing along to Hailey Gardiner`s Neverland, you turned back to Bucky.

“Okay, that’s done. So just turn off the stove and leave that there until the pasta is done.”

He stood there, watching you. “You have a really beautiful voice.”

You blushed. “Thanks, I just like to sing, that’s all. Im not that good.”

When the pasta was done, you drained it, saving a little pasta water to pour over it once you dumped it in the serving platter. Mixing in the tomatoes, you had Bucky spoon out the beef and onions onto the pasta. Then, you both sprinkled the cilantro and basil over it. Setting it out on the table, you grabbed the beautiful loaf of Italian bread you had hidden in the back of the cabinet and had Bucky slice it. 

While he did that, you crushed some garlic into a bowl of olive oil and set that out. Finished, you told FRIDAY to turn off the music and let everyone know that dinner was ready as you both set the table. 

As your smaller but no less loved family gathered around, you thought of Wanda and the rest, missing them but glad to have had this wonderful moment with Bucky.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pure fluff and i really enjoyed writing it (last week?).
> 
> I`m really sorry I disappeared for so long. Life kinda sucks rn and I have no energy to write. Im going to try to write but I know its going to come out really dark and emotional. So i dont know what i`ll do but im not abandoning this. just not in the best place and i dont want to influence you guys with all the stuff in my head.
> 
> i hope you guys are doing okay and staying safe!


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N has a panic attack but Bucky is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly triggering if you get triggered by panic attacks....

Nightmares haunted you all night. Your parents taking you away, Wanda dying, Bucky leaving, the Avengers hunting you down. Every creak of a door or footstep in the hall sent you into a panic attack. You kept your eyes shut tightly, drifting in and out of sleep as you lay frozen in fear. You didn’t know what was real or a nightmare. Finally, you had enough. After waking up from a particularly bad dream, you shot out of bed, heart pounding and covered in sweat. The clock read 3:37 am. Leaving your room, you tied your hair up in a bun on your way to the kitchen. You needed a drink or something. A nice glass of tea maybe.

The kitchen was mostly dark when you walked in. There was a couple small lights under the cabinets above the counter so you got to work. You started boiling a pot of water on the stove, trying to be as quiet as a mouse as you pulled down herbs and spices from the cabinets. Making your own loose tea mix, you settled on chamomile and lavender with a hint of cinnamon. Prepping that in the tea ball, you put it in a large mug as you waited for the water to boil. Being awake at night was always scary for you. You were afraid to make noise, because your parents used to yell at you for staying up or eating at night. Your mom used to blame her sleeplessness on you so you always tried to be as quiet as possible, except for your pounding heart. Sweat still stuck your flyaways to your forehead as you pushed them away, leaning your head on your arms on the counter as you tried to calm down.

Im here with the Avengers.

Tony is upstairs.

Bucky is down the hall.

Bruce is probably (hopefully not) awake in the lab.

Wanda would be back soon.

You were safe. You were just making tea in the middle of the night in probably one of the safest buildings in the entire world. Everything was going to be okay.

“Hey what are you doing?”

Anxiety shot through you as you briefly registered a tall dark figure next to you. Nothing was okay, you were too loud, you shouldn’t be awake, now you were going to get in trouble. Your legs gave out as you slid to the ground, huddled against the cabinets. The world was spinning and you couldn’t breathe.

“Please, Im sorry. I`ll go to bed and I wont come in here at night ever again. Please, don’t be mad at me.” You mumbled over and over again, desperate and afraid. Your hands were shaking as you brought them up to shield your face.

\-----

Bucky hadn’t been able to sleep that night. He had a nightmare; fortunately, though Shuri was bale to remove his triggers, she couldn’t remove his memories or the nightmares which haunted him. 

Usually, whenever Bucky couldn’t sleep, he went to Steve. If Steve was awake, they went for a run or cuddled, which helped ground him back into reality. If Steve was asleep, Bucky tried to ground himself just by focusing on the fact that Steve was there, alive and safe. That if something was really wrong, Steve would be awake and there in an instant. Bucky could usually go back to sleep for a little after that but now Steve was out on a mission. There was no one to ground him.

So he had left his room, walking down the hall to the living room. He sat down in one of the armchairs near the window so that he could look out at the stars. He never felt alone when he watched them, like he wasn’t the only one awake at night, that someone else saw him and understood him. So he watched, stilling his breathing and melting into the chair. He was so relaxed that he almost didn’t notice someone else enter the kitchen.

Turning silently, he relaxed, seeing that it was only Y/N. He watched as she silently crept around the kitchen, pulling things down from shelves. He was surprised; her silence could rival his stealth. All of a sudden, she bent over the counter, half laying on it. Concerned, Bucky got up and walked over.

“Hey what are you doing?” he asked.

She turned to face him, fear, panic and anxiety written all over her face. Then, he really saw her. The dark circles under her eyes. The tear stains down her cheeks. The hair stuck to her forehead and neck by sweat. She couldn’t sleep either; he felt relieved. Thank goodness she wasn’t sick or anything, it was only nightmares. That, he could deal with. Prepared to ask Y/N about her nightmares, he was cut off as she collapsed to the ground, huddled in a protective stance pressing away from him. Curled in a ball, her mumbling barely reached his ears as he crouched down to her.

“Please, I`m sorry. I`ll go to bed and I won`t come in here at night ever again. Please, don’t be mad at me.” Y/N covered her face with her hands, as if waiting for him to hit her. His heart broke, ashamed that he scared her. He should’ve known better, Steve had always known exactly how to help him, he should’ve learned something. Pushing his guilt away, Bucky sat down on the floor in front of Y/N. 

“Hey, its just me. Its just Bucky. You`re safe here, no one is going to hurt you.” He soothed her as she continued to spike in her panic attack.

“Hey, I need to you breathe with me, ok? Just copy my breathing. Deep breaths in and out, ok?”

She tried to copy him but it resulted in gasping wheezes as her body fought against her.

“Okay, try using your fingers. Press them one, two, three, four, and let go of them one, two, three, four. You can feel that, you can match that. You`re here and safe. I`ve got you.”

Her breathing found a more natural rhythm as she rapidly blinked her eyes, still gasping for breath but no longer spasming. 

“Can I touch you? Are you okay if I hold your hand or rub your back?”

She nodded, then shook her head, at war with herself. Before she could panic again, Bucky sat next to her.

“Okay so I`m going to hold you but if its too much touching, just tell me. You don’t have to make any decisions, we`ll just see how this goes, ok?”

She nodded, trying to stay grounded. Bucky gently pulled her over so that she was sitting with her back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist; hugging sometimes helped him. But she instantly tensed and tried to fight him. He quickly released her.

“Hey its ok, so that wont work. I wont touch you like that. How about if I just hold your hands?”

He was shocked when she desperately grasped his hands on either side, clinging to his like a lifeline. Gently, he leaned her back against his chest, seeing tears running down her face. Rubbing circles into her hand, he whispered to her soothingly.

“Hey can you feel my heartbeat? Can you feel my breathing against you? Focus on that. Focus on what you can feel right now. I’m right here, I`m not going anywhere. No one is going to hurt you.”

Over ten minutes, her breathing gradually slowed to match his. She sat huddled in between his legs, holding his hands as she finally let herself relax and lean her head back on his shoulder.

Squeezing her hand twice, he let go of one of her hands, smoothing her hair back from her face. 

“Better?”

She nodded, breathing out. “Yeah. I`m sorry you had to see that. I`m really sorry, I should’ve known it was just you. You didn’t scare me, you don’t scare me, I just thought you were someone else. But I should’ve thought, not reacted like that.”

Bucky sighed. She needed to stop blaming herself for her automatic reactions to past trauma. “Hey, you don’t need to apologize. Its okay. I have nightmares too. And panic attacks. I understand. I couldn’t sleep tonight and Steve wasn’t here to ground me so I came down to look at the stars.”

All of a sudden, the kettle went off, whistling. She jumped; Bucky quickly slid out from under her, yanking the kettle off the stove and turning it off. He returned to the floor, admiring as she tried to bring her own breathing under control.

Smiling wryly, she opened her eyes and gave him an awkward thumbs up. “I`m good.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Mmm, okay. And neither of us has PTSD but okay.”

She sighed. “No, you`re right. But I`m better than I was. I just–“ she paused, finding words.

“I had nightmares all night so I came down for a cup of tea. But when you came up to me, I flashed back to being at my house. I was always guilted for eating outside of mealtimes and wasn’t really allowed to stay up late, since it would keep my mom awake. I just got scared and panicked. Its funny, I really thought I was getting over all this. But now I`m thinking it was just Wanda, helping my mind calm down. Maybe I haven’t really made any progress, you know, if I cant help myself on my own.”

Bucky shook his head. “No, you are so strong. This isn’t something you can process or get over in a week, Y/N. This is going to take time. And youre not alone anymore. You have us. And we are going to help you so you might as well just let us instead of wasting energy fighting.”

She sighed. “I know. I`m just scared. What if I emotionally attach to you all and let myself rely on you guys and then you all die or I have to leave? Drastic, I know, but serious. How do I live after that?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Well, first off, that’s never going to happen. We might be the Avengers but we`re also a team of the World`s Most Stubborn Dumbasses. We`re not going to die and we`re not going to leave you. There is nothing wrong with emotionally attaching to us because we aren’t going to use you. That emotional attaching is literally just being friends and family, of having relationships and trusting others. Its okay.”

They sat in silence for a little while before Y/N got up, walking over to the counter. Afraid he had offended her, Bucky also stood up, ready to apologize. He felt like he wasn’t good at this consoling stuff, like he always made it worse. He was so messed up to begin with, how could he possibly ever help someone? Who was he to talk about accepting and loving when he was afraid too? But Y/N was just pouring her tea. With a steaming mug in hand, she turned back to him.

“Can we go watch the stars?” she asked timidly. “Unless you want to go to sleep.”

Bucky was relieved. “No, I don’t think sleep is going to come easy for either of us tonight. Do you want to go out on the balcony or just stay on the couch?”

She thought for a moment, walking over to the living room. “No, I think I`d like to go outside on the balcony. But we`ll need blankets because the nighttime is cold.”

They got a bunch of blankets and made a little blanket cocoon out on the balcony. Drinking tea together, they watched the stars. Bucy was surprised as Y/N pointed out a whole bunch of constellations, with names Bucky had never heard. He could barely see what she was pointing at but it made him happy to see her peaceful. He could understand why Wanda was so protective and worried for this little ray of sunshine. She was such a beautiful soul, both fragile and strong. 

Spending the night under the stars, they both fell asleep a little before sunrise. Bruce came out into the kitchen for a cup of coffee in the morning to see the mass of blankets curled up outside. Smiling, he quietly crept outside and woke Bucky up. Together, they cleaned up the balcony and carried Y/N back to her room, tucking her in and leaving her to sleep off the rest of her anxiety, hopefully nightmare free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!!! I`M BACK!!!  
> Should I be back? Probably not, considering the amount of coursework I have for my summer class right now. But I am!
> 
> I have been in a really really really rough spot the past two weeks and it has sucked. Still kinda stuck there but I had the inspiration to write for the first time in awhile so I ran with it. I just feel really depressed and hopeless about the future; I dont know what I want to major in anymore and my parents probably arent going to let me go back to college in the fall. Which is terrifying because I need to get out of here. But ANYWHO!!!! I`m trying really hard to stay safe and not self-harm or do any stupid things and so far, so good! Doesnt mean I dont shut down and feel like shit for hours on end but hey! We`re doing our best.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, I know I wish I had a Bucky to get me through my panic attacks. I`m going to be posting probably 2 more chapters today because I need human interaction and connection.  
> Thank you all for being so patient and supportive and for waiting for me, especially thank you to confusinggemini612 for reminding me that taking a break is okay. I love you all so much! stay safe!


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, bonding with Y/N and Pepper on a girls day and Y/N gets a surprise

You yawned, stretching your legs as you blinked your eyes. You were confused when you realized that you were in your bed. You had fallen asleep outside with Bucky last night, how did you end up here? 

Leaning over, you went to grab your phone, seeing a note next to it. Squinting the sleep out of your eyes, you scanned it.

"Brought you inside this morning. Hope you slept well. Thanks for trusting me last night, it was nice to hang out with someone who understands. -Bucky."

That had been a really bad panic attack. As embarrassed as you were, you were glad that Bucky had been there to help bring you back down. You got dangerous to yourself like that. Smiling, you couldn’t wait to find him and thank him. You needed to repay him somehow. Especially for staying with you afterwards and bringing you back in.

Untangling yourself from the covers, you climbed out of bed. In your oversized nightshirt, you made your way down the hall for a morning cup of tea.

Entering the kitchen, you were surprised to see Morgan and Pepper sitting at the kitchen table. They didn’t usually eat down here. Making your way to the stove, you got out a kettle.

“Good morning!” you announced.

Pepper turned from a very animated conversation with Morgan. “Good morning! How did you sleep?”

You shrugged. Did Bucky tell her?

“It was ok. I`ve had better but this morning I slept well. Is something wrong? You don’t normally eat down here.” You put the water on the stove as you turned to her, concerned.

She smiled. “No, everything`s fine. Tony`s going to babysit Morgan today but he`s finishing up a few things in the lab with Bruce right now. I was wondering if you wanted to go out, girls` shopping trip or something. We haven’t really gotten to hang out and I feel bad, especially with how much you help out with Morgan.”

Oh my gosh, a girls date would be incredible. You did need new clothes, a lot of your stuff still being at your house and there was no way you were going to go back for that. But money. You couldn’t. You needed to save what you had for emergencies.

As if she could sense your conflict, Pepper spoke. “And Tony`s paying so you have no excuse not to come.”

You sighed. “Its not that I don’t want to come, Pepper. I just, you guys have already done so much for me and I`m fine, really.”

All of a sudden, one Tony Stark waltzed past you. “Nope, kid, sorry. You`re going with Pepper. And youre going to have lots of fun and not worry about money. End of story.” Picking up Morgan, he swung her in a circle before setting her down. “And you and I are going to go make some very fun and not at all dangerous new toys.”

Squealing with excitement, Morgan basically dragged Tony off to the lab as Pepper shouted warnings after them. You laughed, shaking your head. 

“Okay, I guess it’s a girls day then.”

\-----

Five hours later, you and Pepper squeezed through the elevator doors, laughing as you maneuvered the shopping bags down the hall. You had completely redone your wardrobe, buying all kinds of clothes, ones that you actually felt comfortable and confident in. You were positively glowing with happiness, maybe slightly induced by the caffeine in your system. It had been a wonderful day; Pepper didn’t judge you for the clothes you picked or comment on your body when you tried them on. She was everything you ever wanted in a mom and you wanted to cry from happiness.

The two of you unpacked the bags, taking off tags and putting clothes away. Unable to wait any longer, you slipped into the pinstripe shortall outfit you had picked out, keeping your amber choker on. 

Just as you both stuffed the bags down the trash chute, you were startled by an announcement from FRIDAY.

“Ladies, Tony has asked me to tell you that the Quinjet is currently landing.”

“10-4, girl buddy,” Pepper answered.

Your heart skipped. Wanda. Wanda was back. You glanced at Pepper.

“Could I–“

“Go, your girl is waiting.” Pepper smiled. 

Before you could think too much on the fact that she was “your girl”, you dashed off, bouncing up and down in the elevator as it slowly descended. Racing out the doors, the warm summer breeze pulled your hair as you tried your hardest to walk nonchalantly across the tarmac.

You`re pretty sure that your heart stops as you see her, standing in a group with Tony and the others, probably discussing the mission. 

Propriety and modesty be damned.

“WANDA!”

As she turned, you dashed over to her, leaping into her arms and flinging your legs around her waist as she wrapped her arms around you. Nuzzling your face into her neck, you breathed in. How can she come back from a mission and still smell like cinnamon and honey? Suddenly, she swung you in a circle as you tilted your head back and laughed. When she set you down, you quickly hugged her again. 

“I missed you” you whispered into her shoulder.

Her pale green eyes smiled back as you stepped away. Reaching for your hand, she gently pulled you in, resting her forehead against yours. 

“I missed you more”. She gently whispered back.

A loud whistle interrupted you both. Turning with a bright blush but your hands still entwined, you saw Tony, Bucky, and Sam grinning shit-faced grins as Steve looked away, clearly uncomfortable. 

“Who whistled?” Wanda demanded, clearly slightly pissed at your moment being interrupted. The boys all turned to point at Nat, who innocently blinked back. You couldn’t take it anymore; you laughed. Everyone quickly joined you.

“Well, now that we got that cute little reunion out of the way, let`s continue this inside. Where there`s cold drinks.” Tony announced as he walked toward the Compound. You gently pulled Wanda along with you as you smiled. 

Yeah, there was no more ignoring this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no regrets.  
> absolutely none.  
> i love this chapter with my whole life.  
> my single ass needs to calm the fuck down.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team has the mission debrief and Y/N and Wanda finally talk.

You all sat in the living room; Steve being fussed over by Bucky, Sam with ice packs, Tony with a small glass of whisky, Nat laughing as Bruce worriedly stitched up a gash in her arm. You continued giving zero shits about appearances and sat in Wanda`s lap, cleaning a cut on her brow.

“When you all are done mother-henning, we should probably discuss the mission.” Tony shared jokingly.

Nat sighed. “Well, the good news is, its not HYDRA. It looks like HYDRA is finally gone. The bad news is that this is a new organization which means that even though they don’t have it all figured out yet, they have the passion, commitment, and drive to make this really difficult for us. I pulled all the intel I could from the computers there.” She handed Tony a small flash drive.

“This will give us a head start but we need to be prepared for whatever this brings. Hopefully, we can dismantle them before they figure out what they’re doing.” Nat continued, looking over her stitches as Bruce finished.

“Well, in that case, I`m going to head to the lab and let FRIDAY sort through this. Meeting adjourned.” Tony said, slipping the drive into his pocket.

You jumped up. “Actually, wait! What does everyone want for dinner tonight?”

Sam looked directly in your eyes. “Food.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah but like what? I know you guys all just got back and I wanted to know if you wanted anything special. I was going to do sausage pasta but if you want something different, that’s totally cool.”

Everyone shook their head. Steve spoke, “Y/N, there is nothing more wonderful than your sausage pasta recipe. We would literally eat anything right now.”

You laughed. “Okay, that’s all.”

As everyone got up to leave, Tony grabbed your arm and whispered in your ear. “So are you gonna ask her or what?” 

You blushed as you pulled your arm away. He winked as you turned back to Wanda. "Go get her, honey." he nudged before waltzing out.

“Want to help me cook tonight?” you asked shyly.

She smiled. “Of course!”

It took you half an hour of small talk and singing around the kitchen before you had the guts to say anything. As she put the dish in the oven to melt the cheese, you took a deep breath, pushing down the nausea and butterflies.

“Wanda, can I ask you something?” you practically rushed out.

She nodded, leaning against the counter.

“I know that you`re this incredibly powerful amazing superhero and I`m just me. So I don’t really know if what I say is worth anything. And its ok if its not because you’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose that. But I think you are the most beautiful and strong woman I have ever met and…I like you. A lot. I was wondering if maybe you felt the same way and if you`d like to be my girlfriend?” you practically steamrolled through that last bit, you were so nervous.

She thought for a moment that felt like ages. Suddenly, you realized that they should`ve punished Thanos by making him wait on an answer like this. It was far more painful than death. You almost jumped when she spoke.

“Youre wrong.”

Your heart plummeted about 5000 stories. Shit, you done fucked up, Y/N.

\----

Wanda watched as Y/N tried to steel her looks before she continued.

“YOU are the most beautiful, strongest, kindest woman I have ever met and I am the one who doesn’t deserve you. I like you too. I was trying to hide it because I was scared that you weren’t ready or that I was taking advantage of your emotions. But I like you, Y/N. Everything about you. The way you close your eyes when you`re singing and when your eyes light up when youre dancing. The way you bravely try to love everyone when you have been hurt so many times. And I am so honored that I get to be one of those people.” Wanda finished as she walked over to Y/N, who had tears in her eyes.

“So my question is, Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?” Wanda asked as she slid an arm around Y/N`s waist and pulled her against her. 

It was the longest second of staring into each other`s eyes; Wanda was lost in Y/N`s pale blue eyes, forgetting why she moved this close as she counted the freckles on Y/N`s nose. Then, all of a sudden, Y/N was kissing her.

Y/N tasted like strawberries and summertime as Wanda curled her fingers in her hair, getting lost in her soft curls. Her heart was flying as she could feel Y/N pressing into her, arms wrapped around her neck. This could last forever and she wouldn’t complain.

But the oven timer shrilly beeped, making them both jump. Slowly, Y/N broke the kiss but didn’t pull away.

“Yes.”

And just like that, Wanda had a girlfriend. 

\---

You both held hands throughout dinner, gently nudging each other`s feet as you smiled uncontrollably. Your heart felt like it was going to give out, it was beating so quickly. Everyone noticed.

“So I guess congratulations are in order?” Bucky smirked as you all cleared the table. As an answer, you unashamedly pulled Wanda in, kissing her again in front of the whole team. Breathless, you pulled away to clapping and hooting from the whole team but you were lost in her eyes. This was home.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYBODY!!!!!! YAY US!!!!!
> 
> This is the last chapter I`m posting for today because I need to write more now :)  
> I hope you all enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing this. I cant wait to develop their relationship more, I LOVE THEM!


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Wanda`s first date! Yay!  
> authors note: i know nothing about cars, im so sorry

“BUCKY!!!!” you screamed down the hall, flailing wildly as you rushed into his room and slammed the door shut behind you. You leaned against it to catch your breath as he jumped out of Steve`s arms from the bed.

“WHAT??” he screamed back, Steve sitting up to stare at you with a slight blush on his ears.

“I. Have. A. Date.” You fearfully stated.

They both burst out laughing. You pushed yourself up and smacked them both in the arm.

“I`m serious! I have a date with Wanda but I have no idea what to do or how to dress or what’s going on because I`ve never been allowed to go on a date before, what do I do?” you practically cried.

You knew this day was coming. You and Wanda had been dating for two weeks, with constant jokes and threats from the team about putting cameras in your rooms and socks on doors. Peter swung by a couple times, saying how happy he was for you both but he wasn’t above joining in on the jokes. You laughed along with them all but were too happy to care. From snuggling with Wanda during the nights to stargazing and painting and walks in the woods, it was a perfect fantasy. Until now. When she asked you on a date.

Now, you didn’t have an issue with dates generally. They were fine. Except for the fact that you had never been on one and were scared to death. What if it was awkward? What if you spilled your food? What if you were so uncomfortable that it was miserable and she would regret ever dating you? The anxiety was overwhelming. 

Bucky grabbed your shoulders and steered you out of the room and down the hall to your room. Closing the door, he looked you in the eyes.

“Its going to be okay. We`re going to get through this. Its only a date. With a beautiful Wanda who you care very much about. It will be fine.”

You nodded, still frantic though. 

“But we`re going to have to fix the look.” He gestured to your wild hair, sleep lined face, and pajama shirt.

\---

Three hours later, you were ready for your date. Bucky had helped you pick out a pale green sundress with white polka dots and a white sash, pulling the sides of your hair loosely back and letting the rest curl naturally. The two of you did your makeup; blush, highlight, mascara, and lipgloss. And of course, your favorite perfume which smelled like lily of the valley[author`s note: baby grace by philosophy, go check it out]. Slipping on a pair of sandals, you looked in the mirror.

Bucky came up behind you, hugging you. “You look perfect, she`s going to love it.” He smiled, leaving you to nervously wait. Not 5 minutes after he left your room, someone knocked on the door. Opening it, you came face to face with Wanda. 

She was dressed in a lavender halter dress, with her hair lightly curled. Her legs were laced up in gladiator sandals and she carried a big picnic basket in front of her. Her eyes were wide as she looked you up and down. You blushed slightly as she checked you out.

“You look beautiful.” You smiled as you kissed her on the cheek.

“You are magnificent,” she whispered back. “But something`s missing.”

Reaching into the picnic basket, she pulled out a beautiful flower crown of baby`s breath and daisies. Placing it on your head, she caressed your face. “Now, you`re perfect.”

The two of you made your way down the hall, met by the team and their cameras. 5 minutes of pictures ensued. Morgan whispered to you that you both looked like fairy princesses as Wanda was stolen by the Starks. Laughing, you tried to pull Wanda away from Tony and Pepper.

“Now listen up, Wanda, you`re going to treat my girl right, okay? Don’t make me wait up with a shotgun.”

“Tony, I`ve lived here longer! Why am I getting the talk?”

You gently grabbed Tony`s hand and gave him your best puppy dog eyes. “Please can we go now?” you asked, batting your eyelashes.

He sighed. “Okay, fine. Have fun, ladies.” He fished car keys out of his back pocket and tossed them to Wanda. Pepper pulled you close and whispered in your ear, “You are shining, go have a beautiful date.” You hugged her back before dashing off to the elevator with Wanda.

Making your way down to the garage, you giggled as she opened the door to a red 2011 Ferrari California convertible. Sliding in the passenger seat, you leaned over to kiss her as she started the car. Holding hands, you raced off down the road, country station blaring and wind in your hair.

After spending the day at an art museum, you and Wanda unpacked the picnic basket under a tree in the park. Dinner was incredibly relaxing, laughing together as the world went by around you. You lazily stroked her hair when she laid down with her head on your lap, watching the sunset together. As you both packed up the basket and walked back to the car, rain began to fall from the sky. Looking to Wanda in horror, she smirked, pressing a button on the car keys. A car top unfolded somewhere from the trunk and locked in.

“Tony made some modifications just in case.” She added. You both smiled, relieved that you weren’t going to damage the car. As you climbed in, an idea struck you.

“So maybe after we park the car at home, we can go jump in puddles?” you asked excitedly. 

Wanda laughed. “Definitely!”

\---

Tony and Pepper sat in the window seat, watching Y/N and Wanda spin around in the rain. The stars sparkled as they laughed and splashed around. Pepper hugged Tony as Wanda pulled Y/N in for a kiss.

“Look at our girls, Tony. Look how happy they are.” Pepper sighed, leaning her head on Tony`s shoulder.

Tony smiled, watching as Y/N ran inside, pulling Wanda behind her, both sopping wet with hair plastered to their foreheads and glowing smiles. 

“Its about time,” he chuckled. “They`ve both suffered enough.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm, that doesnt sound foreboding at all....im not sorry :)
> 
> ive written up to chapter thirty two, which is fucking insane! I never thought this story would take off like it has. Im so grateful for all of you and your support.
> 
> this is also the last bit of fluff for a little bit, if you couldnt tell by that ending, shit`s about to go down. so prepare yourself for this motherfucking roller coaster, my dudes. also, i realized i`ve really kicked so many of my original plot lines and characters (ahem, peter parker) to the fucking curb so im really sorry if any of you joined for any of those things that i abandoned. this story is going its own way. also, dear future girlfriend, bring me a flower crown and im yours :)
> 
> Again, if anyone has any questions or comments, concerns or suggestions, please let me know! comments are my lifeblood, not to sound desperate or anything :) i love you all, stay safe!


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peace and stability are shattered as the Compound is attacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: violence, my dudes. proceed with caution. also language, because who wouldnt curse while theyre getting chased by bad guys?

You ran through the hall, heart pounding as the silence taunted you. How did you get here?

\---

It was a normal Thursday. You and Wanda had made breakfast and drank tea in bed together. Then, the team had gone to training so you went to go play with Morgan. In the middle of getting your ass beaten at UNO, an alarm blared shrilly through the playroom. Morgan jumped into your arms as your heart bottomed out. What was going on? Had Steve set fire to the kitchen again?

“Forced entry on level 1. Proceed to the saferoom.” FRIDAY announced robotically.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. The compound was being attacked. Your hands began to shake but you quickly shoved your anxiety down as you felt Morgan tremble. You needed to get her to safety. Where was the saferoom?

“FRIDAY, where`s the saferoom?” you asked. 

There was no answer. Your heart pounded as Morgan started to cry.

“Morgan, sweetie, do you know where the saferoom is?” you begged her, trying to stay calm.

She shook her head. “B-b-but Daddy gave me this…”

She held her arm out, showing off the simple silver bracelet she always wore. God, Tony was a genius. You silently thanked him as you tapped the bracelet. It projected a gentle blue light onto the wall as it spoke.

“Hello, Miss Morgan. My name is ANGEL. If you are using this, it is because FRIDAY is no longer safe to use. I will give you visual directions to the saferoom, where you will stay until your father activates the homing beacon on your bracelet.”

Shit, fucking fuck. You scooped Morgan up in your arms. Looking at the bracelet, you saw that ANGEL was directing you to Morgan`s room. Words lit up the screen on the bracelet.

Hostiles in elevator. Estimated time until arrival=3 minutes.

If you had three minutes, you were damn well going to use them. Throwing open the door, you dashed down the hall to Morgan`s room, trusting that the AI was right and the hall was safe for now. Once in the room, you shut it, pulling the nightstand in front of it. It wouldn’t hold for long. Looking at the bracelet again, ANGEL said that the saferoom was inside the trunk against the wall. Walking over, still holding a shaking Morgan, you opened the trunk. Tearing aside blankets, you found a trapdoor. Pulling it open, there was a set of descending stairs with gentle nightlights.

As you calmed your pounding heart, you realized that you would have to cover the trapdoor up again. Putting Morgan down, you looked her in the eye.

“Hey Morgan, I need you to take a deep breath with me, ok? Its your turn to be a superhero. You have a very important bracelet that your daddy needs but he needs you to keep it safe. So I need you to be brave and go down to the saferoom by yourself, ok? ANGEL will give you directions on how to barricade yourself. I`ll go tell your dad that youre safe and then we`ll come and find you when its safe, ok?” 

She nodded, trying to stop her trembling lip. You hugged her before picking her up and setting her on the steps in the trunk.

“Go ahead, Iron-Girl.” You smiled encouragingly, trying not to let your tears show. She steeled her shoulders and walked down the steps, using ANGEL as a flashlight. 

As soon as she was out of view, you closed the trapdoor, stacking the blankets on top of it as neatly as you could. Closing the trunk, you realized that you couldn’t stay here. If whoever was attacking found you here in a child`s room without a child, they would look for Morgan. You would have to be a diversion.

As silently as you could, you moved the nightstand back to where it was. Before opening the door, you held your breath, listening for any sounds in the hall. Calming your shaking hands, you thought to yourself as you opened the door, is this it? Is this where I die? What if they capture me?

But what if they capture Morgan? That final thought propels you to open the door. You quickly make your way down the hall, frantically thinking of places to hide. A thought struck you just as the elevator doors crashed open.

“There!” you heard voices shout and bullets zing as you dashed into Peter`s unoccupied room. Closing the door, you locked it, although knowing it would be useless. At least they were after you now. And Tony would be on his way up here soon. Dashing to the closet, you pulled the door shut behind you and climbed into the crawl space. The clothes would only hide you if no one was looking. Trying to calm your beating heart, you realized that your thigh was wet. Touching it, you felt that it was soaked. With blood. You had been shot.

The wall rattled as you heard the door being kicked in. The lights were flicked on and you could see the large boots of a soldier in front of your hiding place. This was it.

You thought back to all the times you wanted to die, when you were afraid of your parents attacking you in the middle of the night, the times you planned to kill yourself. And you realized that you didn’t want to die anymore. You wanted to live. With Wanda. And Tony. And Bucky. And the whole team. Your new family. You felt tears run down your cheeks as you tried to hold back your sobs. You could feel the numbness in your thigh starting to subside, being replaced with throbbing pain.

And then all of a sudden, you were blinded, yanked into the light by a rough hand. A soldier leered down at you.

“Well, what have we here? Mr. Stark`s been hiding a new hero from the world.”

They pulled you out of the closet by your arm; you screamed as the searing pain of a dislocated shoulder shot through your system.

“You`ll be coming with us and we`ll find out what you`re hiding, what new powers the world is waiting to see.”

There was no containing your sobs anymore, the pain in your shoulder and thigh causing blackness at the edges of your vision. The soldier stopped, bending over and picking you up by your arms.

“You`re so loud, we cant have that.”

And before you could blink, he slammed you into the wall, your head cracking the wall as you slumped forward. You couldn’t see anything anymore, everything was blurry and moving too fast. The soldier threw you over his shoulder and began to run, every step making your body scream. All of a sudden, you were falling, the soldier crumpling as a loud whooshing sound was heard. Your head smacked the floor again. Before you gave into the darkness, you saw Tony kneeling in front of you, stroking your forehead with a worried expression on his face. He was saying something but it bled into white noise as you closed your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, that happened. similar to Y/N`s nightmare, possibly? perhaps....
> 
> So I`ve written like ten more chapters so I`m going to post another one today, I think.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N wakes up in the medbay and gets patched back up.

Your body throbbed in pain as you blinked your eyes open to blinding lights. Where were you?

As your eyes adjusted, you saw Wanda asleep in a chair next to you, slumped forward on the bed holding your hand. You smiled, taking in your surroundings. You were in the medbay, pristine blankets and bandages over your leg. Wincing, your head ached. That small movement caused Wanda to wake up. 

“Y/N!!” She cried, flinging herself into your arms. You tensed, feeling your shoulder ache but it didn’t hurt nearly as much. Whatever drugs Bruce was pumping through your system were incredible. Wanda cried as she clung to you, tears soaking the front of your hospital gown. You stroked her back, grimacing as you felt the IV in your arm. You hated IVs. They were so uncomfortable and scary.

You flinched as the door burst open, revealing a haggard Tony Stark and worried Bruce Banner.

“Y/N…” Tony whispered. You faked a smile. He immediately came to the side of your bed not occupied by Wanda and gently held your face in his hands. His eyes were all red as tears slipped down his cheeks.

“i`m so sorry, this never should’ve happened. You were so brave and strong. You saved Morgan.” Here his voice broke. “You saved my little girl, Y/N.”

He kissed your forehead and looked into your eyes. “My beautiful girl.”

You leaned into his hand, closing your eyes against the blinding lights and pounding in your skull. Your head really hurt.

Bruce cleared his throat. “Y/N, you don’t have to open your eyes but I`m going to tell you whats going on, okay? We put your arm back in its socket and the drugs going through you right now are an accelerated dosage, meaning your shoulder will feel better by tomorrow. I got the bullet out of your thigh and stitched you back up. Don’t try to walk today and then after today, take it easy. No runs or physical activity for two weeks. You also have a pretty major concussion. I don’t want you to do anything that requires too much focus; no reading or poring over sheet music or TV. You just need to rest and recover.”

You nodded, feeling like your brain was rattling around in your skull. You cleared your throat.

“They said..” you started coughing. Tony quickly gave you a cup of water with a straw, which you quickly drank.

“They thought I was an enhanced. They could come back.” You shared, feeling your anxiety start to spike. Tony squeezed your hand. 

“Sweetie, none of the soldiers made it out alive. No one knows about you here anymore. Youre safe again.”

You breathed, supposing that should comfort you. But you felt nothing. It was all too much.

By this point, Wanda had stopped crying but was not detaching herself from you anytime soon. Tony cleared his throat.

“Umm, so if youre not feeling up to it, its ok. But Morgan`s been really worried about you and wanted to come see you. Do you mind, just so she knows youre okay?” 

You smile, shoving down your pain. “Of course.”

Well, Morgan turned out to be Morgan and Pepper, leading to a 30 minute cuddling and crying session. Exhausted, Wanda helped you into sweatpants and a sweatshirt and she and Tony maneuvered you into a wheelchair. They took you back to your room and tucked you into your own bed, with no bright lights or beeping machines. You were so tired.

\---

Wanda choked back more tears as she gently stroked Y/N`s hair, feeling her drift off to sleep. It was terrifying, to come back to the Compound and see Tony white-faced with a limp Y/N in his arms rushing into the medbay. Y/N was innocent; she didn’t have powers or a kill count. She was just an incredibly strong, brave, selfless woman who Wanda loved with all her heart. She had saved Morgan, running out knowing that she could die. And Wanda hadn’t been there to protect her. As she held Y/N close, she swore she would always be there to protect her from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, everythings going to be okay now, of course?
> 
> wrong....shit`s going down and these characters are writing their own story at this point. but do not fear! i`m writing about eight chapters ahead and things are starting to look up again so bear with the terrible suffering for a few more chapters before we get back to the fluff.
> 
> I love you all so much! again, any suggestions, concerns, questions, just comment and let me know!


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Y/N`s body is recovering, her emotional state is getting worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!  
> This chapter vaguely deals with self harm. We see Y/N starting to become more depressed and she chooses a really bad coping mechanism. The self harm in this chapter is limited to the last two paragraphs, I divided it by three dashes like I usually do for a scene change or P.O.V. change. If you do choose to read that section, it is not graphically described. I do not go into detail about the actual act. But it does talk about her looking at the aftermath. So please proceed with caution and read at your own risk.

The next week passed in a blur. Your shoulder completely healed, although you weren’t about to start working out yet. Your bullet wound didn’t get infected but it was really slow to heal. Also, concussions freaking sucked. You felt like you were going crazy and could feel yourself dangerously toeing the line into depression. You were so bored and couldn’t do anything without getting a headache. You felt so useless, barely able to cook dinners for the team, even though they assured you that it was fine, that you needed to heal.

Thankfully, everyone was keeping you busy. Nat, Wanda, and Bruce would have tea with you in the afternoons, talking about the day or the general shenanigans of the team. On the second day after the event, Tony came barging into your room with a gift. He had made you a necklace with a tracker and monitor in it, just so nothing like that would ever happen to you again. He still harbored so much guilt but you consoled him, reminding him that none of it was his fault. It was beautiful and you could tell he had put many sleepless hours into it. It was a dainty golden chain with a small golden sand dollar on it. You loved it and hugged him. He would come and visit with Pepper and Morgan often, reading bedtime stories to you both before taking Morgan up to bed. You figured you were technically his adopted daughter now.

Clint and Peter even came to visit for a day, making you laugh the hardest you had in awhile as you all watched the video feed of the pranks they had set up around the Compound. Clint left with an invitation to come visit him and Laura and the kids at the farmhouse sometime. Sam and Steve would sneak you cookies and popsicles when no one else was looking, Sam out of mischievousness, Steve out of pity. Your favorite part of every day was breakfast with Bucky, though. Once Sam and Steve left for their daily competition run, you and Bucky would sit at the breakfast table together and he would tell you stories of his childhood and growing up in the 40s. You were fascinated by all the adventures he had and even shared the few happy memories you had as a kid and all the silly stories with your siblings. It hurt a lot, having them on your mind, and you had anxiety about it almost every night but you would never tell Bucky that. You were bonding and weren’t about to ruin that or make him feel bad.

Wanda cuddled with you almost every night but you didn’t do a lot of sleeping. You spent almost every night staring up at the ceiling, restless and emotionally overwhelmed. Not to mention that your night terrors had returned. When you weren’t having a nightmare, you were lying awake in bed dreading going to sleep and jumping at every little sound. Yeah, shit was starting to go down.

\------

Things were going downhill and you knew it. The times you had been dissociating, your nightmares, you had been eating less too due to headaches and general exhaustion. You were starting to crack. But asking for help was out of the question. The Avengers had to get back to saving the world, they didn’t have time for you too. You knew they noticed a little but you had to keep trying to be ok for them. They needed you to be strong and happy. You had so many things you should be grateful for; you weren’t at your house anymore, you were loved, you were happy with Wanda. But why did you feel so empty? But you couldn’t tell anyone, they would think you were ungrateful or even blame themselves. And it wasn’t them, it was you. So you had been pushing it all down and fighting the voices in your head. But it was getting exhausting. 

You burst out laughing as the couch erupted in chaos. You had just finished watching the last season of The Man in the High Castle with the team and everyone was in a roar over the ending.

“That wasn’t–”

“But she could’ve–”

“How did they not–”

You chuckled. “Guys, that’s just the ending.”

“But why would they do that?” Wanda whined. You smiled, pulling her in a little closer to you, kissing her wrinkled forehead.

“Because they wanted to show what life is really like. There`s no clear ending, there’s no perfect solution. Life is a mess, complicated and confusing. We never know if the decision we make is the right one. We never know how it ends.”

“And how does this end, Y/N?” The voices in your head whispered. “How do you end, when this all disappears? When they all leave because you weren’t strong enough? Look around, you don’t deserve any of this.” Your heart drops into your stomach, feeling sick. They were right, they always were. You didn’t know why you felt so angry, so depressed, so hopeless. You just did, waking up every morning like this. 

You felt yourself dissociating as the chaos continued around you. You should just go to your room, you were such a burden. You were bringing everyone else down. All you wanted was to stay with them but if you couldn’t be happy, you didn’t deserve it. Pulling your arm from around Wanda, you stood up.

“Goodnight, everybody, love you guys.” You said, trying to make emotion crack out of your empty voice. Wanda grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

“You okay?”

You tried to smile. “Yeah, just tired. Got a headache from the movie.” Mentally, you tried to put up a wall just in case she didn’t believe you. But she didn’t push. And so you walked back to your room.

Walking in, you didn’t even turn on the lights. Closing the door, you locked it, leaning your head against it as you tried to breathe through the weight in your chest. It hurt so goddamn much. All you wanted to do was cry but the tears wouldn’t come. It was fine. You were fine. Numbly, you laid down on your bed, staring up at the glow in the dark star stickers. What were you even doing here? What was the point?

Everything felt so hard. It was like your body weighed a gazillion pounds, you couldn’t find the strength to move a finger or blink, even to breathe. Everything took too much effort. You felt yourself sinking away into the mattress, useless and out of control. Feeling everything and nothing all at once. It was too much. You couldn’t even cry.

Everything was wrong. The team had things to do and you were only getting in the way. You were useless with this concussion, you couldn’t help with anything, plus you didn’t have any superpowers. You didn’t know how they even put up with you. And Peter, you barely saw him. And that was fine, you were selfish for wanting to see him when he has a family of him own. He was spending time with Aunt May and that was fine. Wasn’t it?

Why are you so selfish? Your parents were right, its only a matter of time before they get tired of you and throw you out. The voices nudged you, reminding you of how easy it is to cope when you give in. Of how the fear of hiding is easier than feeling like this. Of how you can take control again and feel again. You knew you shouldn’t, that it was a bad idea. That you would regret it and it would make it worse. But the voices were louder. And so you took off your necklace, got up, and walked into the bathroom, locking the door.

\---

When you finally felt alive again, you put it away. Climbing in the shower, you watched as the burning hot water washed away your pain from the new slices in your thighs and the now torn-off scab from your bullet wound. It burned and bled but it was easier to feel than your emotions. Which were oddly quiet. You numbly stared through the water at the tiles, realizing that it was different this time. You felt no regret, no shame at what you had just done. Your relapse meant nothing to you. It just was. 

Drying off, you put on pajamas and climbed into bed. No bandages or cleaning them, you never had before. The sting of your cuts against the sheets felt almost comforting, reminding you that you could feel. That you truly were broken and that it was ok. No tears escaped you as you stared at the ceiling all night, waiting for the nothingness to swallow you up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright my dudes, time for some storytime sorta. 
> 
> First of all, self-harm is never the answer; as someone who has been fighting self-harm for years, it pisses me off beyond belief when its glorified. It hurts to think about people who are struggling who then see something talking about self harm and deciding to start. That is nowhere near my intention here. I am writing this because it is a reflection of my own struggles and emotions, not to garner attention or anything. I wrote this and the next few chapters when I was in a really dark place, when writing about self harming helped prevent me from actually doing it. Yes, its a very dangerous line I`m toeing, but it helped me process rather than give up.
> 
> I am writing about life and sometimes, life really sucks and it kicks you when youre down and makes you believe that hurting yourself is the answer. If you are struggling with self-harm, please reach out to someone who you trust, someone who can help. Hell, even reach out to me. You dont have to go through this alone.
> 
> I love you all so much, stay safe and stay strong!


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thirty chapters???!!! Thats crazy!
> 
> Wanda tries to reach out to Y/N then shares her concerns with Tony, Bucky, and Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of self harm, nothing graphic but still there so be careful. what I said last time still applies.

Slamming the piano lid down, you bit your lip in frustration as your vision blurred. Nothing was helping. Every time you tried to make this emptiness go away, whenever you tried to create or sing, it just made you feel worse. You couldn’t even sing right. The music you made wasn’t good enough. You couldn’t read or dance or watch endless YouTube videos because your head hurt too much. The voices whispered as your heart pounded in anger at yourself and your uselessness. Your hand squeezed your thigh, the pain forcing yourself to focus and pull it together. 

It had been a week since the beginning of your relapse. It seemed like every other night was the same, creating a patchwork of scars on your thighs and now your sides. You knew you should be ashamed, that you should be fighting harder, but you felt nothing. Barely alive, barely sleeping. You were able to hide most of it with the team, forcing yourself to smile and laugh, making dinners with Bucky, movie nights, playing with Morgan. You had a beautiful girlfriend who loved you; you should be happy. Inside, though, the voices told you the truth, that you didn’t belong, that you were ruining everything. Your parents didn’t want you and soon, the Avengers wouldn’t either. Your head was pounding. And now here you were at the piano, failing to make anything beautiful. And you never would be able to. It was always like this; when you crashed, you crashed hard.

\-----

Wanda had run to the music room as soon as she heard the thunk. Ready to ask Y/N if she was okay, she paused, watching Y/N slump over the piano, hitting her head without flinching. The silence was deafening. Nothingness. Wanda couldn’t even hear Y/N breathing. Knocking on the door frame, she walked in.

“Hey are you ok?”

Y/N bolted up and turned to Wanda. “Yeah, my fingers just slipped and the lid crashed. Its so freaking loud.” She laughed but Wanda noticed how the smile didn’t reach her eyes, how she didn’t make eye contact. Y/N just stared into the abyss. Something was really wrong. Wanda sat down next to her on the bench, gently pulling one of her hands into her lap.

“Are you okay, though?”

When Y/N didn’t respond immediately, she pushed a little.

“You know, you can tell me anything. You`re my girlfriend, I`m here for you no matter what. Its ok to struggle, its ok to fall. No one`s perfect, least of all us.” She gently caressed Y/N`s hand as she spoke.

“I know.” Y/N admitted. “I`m just….so frustrated. I haven’t been sleeping great and I feel like my music is useless, like I`m not creating anything that’s good.”

That wasn’t it and Wanda knew it. She knew that Y/N wasn’t ok. But she wasn’t going to push into her mind, she had promised herself that a long time ago. Y/N needed help and Wanda didn’t know how to help her without pushing her away. So she just watched, observing as Y/N skipped breakfast and lunch, barely eating dinner. She tried to keep Y/N distracted and busy, spending time together whenever they could.

“I`m going to go for a walk.” Y/N sighed, standing up.

“Can I come?”

Y/N blinked, barely present and staring into space. “Sure, yeah, if you want.”

Concerned, Wanda followed, holding her hand the entire time.

\---

When Wanda went to get Y/N for dinner, her girlfriend was asleep in bed. Knowing that Y/N hadn’t been sleeping well since the invasion, she left her to sleep, pressing a kiss to her forehead before walking back to the kitchen. The team was in the process of setting dinner out; Steve, Bucky, and Tony were at the stove while everyone else set the table. Wanda quietly sidled up to the boys. 

“She`s asleep.” Wanda told them.

Tony sighed, running a hand over his face. “Okay. God knows she needs it, with those black holes under her eyes all the time.”

Wanda bit her lip, knowing it was true. Y/N looked terrible. “Tony, I think somethings really wrong. I don’t think she`s okay.”

Steve put a hand on her shoulder. “I`m sure she`s okay, Wanda. We all forget, she isn’t a superhero. She`s been through hell but she`s not used to the violence that we live with every day. The invasion was probably pretty traumatic for her. But she`ll adapt, especially with you here for her. It`ll be okay.”

Wanda and Bucky shared a look. Steve was right in a sense, but he was also pretty naïve and clueless about mental suffering. And Y/N had been hiding her suffering for her entire life. Wanda could just look in her mind but she wouldn’t. First of all, that was a terrible invasion of Y/N`s privacy and she would likely never trust Wanda again. Secondly, Wanda wasn’t even sure if she could. Y/N`s defenses were likely so strong and high that Wanda probably couldn’t get into her mind. That in and of itself was terrifying. The thought nudged at Wanda the entire night as she tried to laugh and joke with the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think I might post another chapter today, just because I have so many chapters lined up and no current motivation to write...  
> so yeah.  
> also, i got a job! its going to be a lot of fun but im going to be so busy, ugh. its fine, though.


	32. Chapter Thirty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda doesnt like being told what to do.  
> or   
> Wanda is ordered to go on a mission and gives Steve a piece of her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: language, brief mention of self-harm

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

Wanda was shocked and angry. Literally the morning after she talked to the boys, here Steve was asking her to come on a mission with him. After she explicitly stated how worried she was for Y/N. 

“No. No, this is bullshit. I`m not going on some goddamn mission when my girlfriend is falling apart at the seams. She needs me more than you do. She is not replaceable. I`m staying. You would do the same for Bucky. Hell, you did the same for Bucky! Why is it okay for you to defy the entire world but the second I do, its illegal?” Wanda scoffed with her arms crossed and murder on her face, staring down the face of America itself.

Steve sighed, running a hand over his face. “Wanda, we need you for this mission. I know you want to be here for Y/N but the reality is that the team needs you. What if something goes terribly wrong and one of us doesn’t come back? That would be on you.”

“Steve!” Tony interrupted. “That was uncalled for.”

“I`m serious! This mission is a huge deal! We`re going in to the only base of this new organization; who knows what we`re up against? This is our chance to take them out and get some peace on this planet for another few years before the next threat comes along. This is what you signed up for, Wanda.”

“Alright, Rogers, that’s enough.” Tony stepped in, steering Wanda away from him. Red tendrils of energy oozed off her skin as her eyes flashed.

“The fucking nerve of him.” She muttered. Tony sighed. The stubborn youth these days, dammit if their recklessness was Tony`s fault.

“Wanda, he`s kinda right, as much as I hate to admit it. They need you. You need to go on this mission. I`ll be here anyway, sending you all intel and managing the mission. I`ll keep an eye on Y/N. You know I love her like she`s my own kid. I`ll keep her safe, she`ll be okay with me here. I wont let anything happen to her.”

Wanda glared at him for a moment. “Fine.” She spit out. “But I swear to god, Stark, if anything happens, youre fucking dead.” She shoved a finger into his chest before spinning and stalking away. Tony breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thanks, Tony.” Steve came up to his side.

“Before another word comes out of your mouth, Rogers, you better fucking know that I don’t like this either. If anything happens to Y/N, Wanda will kill you. And if anything happens to Wanda, you better damn well know that I`ll kill you and then resurrect you for Y/N to kill again.” Tony finished. “Now, run the plan by me one more time.”

\---

You heard a door slammed angrily as your wall shook. Must be Wanda. You could barely find the strength to get up but you did. You had to for her. Walking out to her room, you gently knocked.

“Come in!” she called, frustrated but not angry. Shit, what if you did something? Was she mad at you? Was this your fault?

Hesitantly, you walked inside. Wanda had dragged her duffel out and was currently throwing things into it with the force of Cap`s shield. You were surprised that the duffel didn’t disintegrate from sheer fear. 

“Umm…are you okay? D..did-i-do-something-are-you-mad-at-me?” you rushed out, nervous as hell. Shit, what if she knew you were self-harming? Was she leaving? Was she breaking up with you? You started to tear up. She should leave, you were too much of a burden anyway, no one should have to deal with you like this. All you did was lie.

The slamming of drawers stopped as Wanda took a deep breath. “I`m not mad at you, Y/N love. You’re fine. I`m just pissed as hell. Steve is making me go on this mission and I understand that they need me but I don’t want to leave you because you need me more.” 

She came over to you and caressed your hands, leaning against your forehead. You sighed. It was okay. But you felt a load of guilt crash over you. You shouldn’t need her like this, she had a job she needed to do and you were being needy and controlling. You shook your head.

“Wanda, love, the world needs you. Go, I`ll be fine”

She gently kissed you as you breathed in her cinnamon smell, feeling the world dissolve underneath you. All your pain disappeared for a moment as you kissed her. Like everything could be okay.

You booped her nose as she pulled away, causing you both to giggle. She returned to her duffel as you climbed into her bed.

“Tony will still be here so you wont be alone here. Stock up on some good Stark family cuddles while I`m gone because once I`m back, you`re mine again.” Wanda joked. You smiled. Maybe that’s what you needed.

That night, dinner was somber. The team would be leaving at 5 in the morning and wouldn’t be back for two to three days. You fell asleep in Wanda`s arms, not waking as she slipped out at 4 am. When you woke up at 8, your realized she had turned off your alarm and you had missed their send-off. And just like that, she was gone.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe... i actually really really liked writing this chapter. I dont know why but it was fun.
> 
> i hope you all are staying safe. I love you all! thanks for reading!


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N has a beautiful day with the Starks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: depressing thoughts, kinda slight self harm

It was not a good day. You weren`t sure if it could ever be a good day again. Wanda was gone, she might not ever come back, and you were a shit girlfriend who couldn’t even wake up on time to say goodbye to her. You wanted to cry but found that you couldn’t. So you just dug your fingernails into your palm and bit back your feelings. You were so angry and depressed that you felt numb. Like you were just existing. Feeling nothing.

You laid in bed motionless, barely breathing, for hours. You couldn’t find the strength to get up. At some point, you fell back asleep, only to be woken someone gently stroking your head. Blinking, you saw a very blurry Tony Stark sitting on the edge of your bed.

“Hey, Y/N, its 1 in the afternoon. Do you want to come have lunch with us?”

That sounded so exhausting. But before you could say no, a ball of Morgan pounced onto your bed.

“Y/N, Daddy told me to wait outside but I didn’t want to and I really miss you, can you please come have lunch with us? Please?” She begged, clinging to your neck. You had to smile.

“Of course, Morgan. Anything for you, Your Majesty.” You hugged her. “Let me get dressed first though, ok?”

Lunch was uneventful. You managed to get down a sandwich and a cup of tea. As you finished, Morgan was about to sweep you away before Tony interrupted.

“Sweetie, Bruce and I need Y/N`s help in the lab today, ok? We can all play together later.” 

Morgan pouted, but relinquished her hold on your hand and followed Pepper upstairs. You turned to Tony.

“Tony, I know absolutely nothing about science or math or anything like that. I don’t know how much of a help I can be.”

Tony shrugged. “Ah, but you’re really good at figuring out how things work and fit together. You`re going to be fine.”

Turns out you actually were useful, to your surprise. Tony and Bruce had to work on a more science-y part of the project so you had to dissect and re-assemble a piece of machinery for them. Multi-tasking. It was actually not terrible. It was nice and quiet, and you were able to do something with your hands. When you finished, you helped Bruce and Tony by handing them tools and parts, even making Bruce sit down and eat a sandwich while you and Tony kept working. You were quite proud of that accomplishment.

The afternoon went pretty quickly, lost in the machinery. It was really enjoyable, laughing and bantering along with the world`s two smartest science geeks. Before you knew it, Pepper was literally dragging Tony out of the lab by the ear for dinner as you and Bruce followed, laughing. Dinner was spaghetti and meat sauce, your favorite, and you taught Morgan how to twirl her spaghetti which resulted in a competition between you, Morgan, and Tony as to who could twirl the most spaghetti. Pepper and Bruce just sat there, laughing and pretending to be disappointed in the lack of maturity at the table. 

Putting dishes in the dishwasher, you smiled, watching as Tony twirled Pepper in the middle of the living room, dancing along to La vie en rose. They were so beautifully in love; theirs was a story that could last forever. That was love and you were seeing it for the first time. Your parents had never been like that as long as you could remember.

Morgan bounced on the couch, begging for a turn. After dancing with his wife, Tony spun his daughter around, her dancing on his toes as they swayed, which quickly turned to bounding around the room, Morgan laughing all the way. You settled into the couch, cuddling in to Pepper as you watched them dance. You wished your family had been like this; happy, in love. With a final dip, the dance was over and Morgan was unceremoniously dumped on the couch like a rocket ship.

Tony stood in front of you, hand extended. “Wanna give it a whirl?” he asked. Giggling, you hesitantly stood up. FRIDAY started playing Sacred Heart by The Civil Wars as Tony led you to the center of the room.

“Go ahead, step on my feet.”

You were shocked. “No, I`ll crush you!”

He rolled his eyes with a scoff. “Please, I`m Iron Man.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you leaned on him as you stepped up onto his feet. He danced you around the room with gentleness and love. Overwhelmed, you softly started crying. God, you were so lonely.

He stroked your back. “Whats wrong?”

You shook your head as you continued to soak his shoulder with tears. “Nothing, I`m happy, I just wish my dad had done this; I wish they loved me.”

He hugged you, before twirling you around. “Well, I`m here now. I`ll take you dancing whenever you want.”

You smile, blinking back your tears as he takes off at a bounding step, forcing you to dance along with him. It quickly dissolved into laughter as you all collapsed on the couch. Then everyone made your way into your bedroom, climbing onto the mattress as Tony pulled out the current bedtime book; you were about halfway through The Search for WondLa, a book you had brought, and Morgan was enthralled. Two chapters later, Morgan was beginning to nod off. Tony and Pepper swept her up and off to bed as Bruce said goodnight and retreated to the lab, likely. Alone again, you felt your happiness drop away as the flood of voices in your head came back.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmm, yeah. love that fluff :) and of course, this definitely isnt me projecting to cope with my loneliness, sadness, and need for real love from family, of course not, why do you ask?  
> (sigh...) its getting to that point in my brain where i`m like, is this real? is this my thoughts? i dont know, i`m probably going crazy. 
> 
> okay, so the next two-three chapters are really heavy material. I think I`m going to post them all tonight and get them out there into the universe because I really need to. so if anyone`s reading tonight, i`m really sorry for whats about to happen.
> 
> also, The Search for WondLa is my favorite book series....check it out


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N self harms.  
> There`s really no other way to put it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!!!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: really really heavy depressive thoughts, graphic self harm. 
> 
> please please please dont read if youre not in a good place. its not worth your safety and sanity. i`m not going to lie, its not easy to read and i want you all to be safe first. as i`ve said before, i`m writing this to process my own shit and i dont want to force it on you. make the best decision for yourself and your safety please.  
> i dont know how many more times i can say it.

“You are so useless.”

“Such a waste of time.”

“All you do is mope around.”

“They don’t love you, they just pity you. And theyre getting exhausted with you.”

“Why cant you just pull yourself together?”

“You don’t deserve them.”

“You’re too messed up for them.”

The voices all talked over each other in your head as you leaned over on the bed, silently screaming. Shit, they were right. Everything was wrong. Why were you so dependent on them? You barely knew them and theyre way too important for you. You should be happy; why couldn’t you just be happy? You should be grateful, you should be trying harder. If you couldn’t appreciate all these people, then you didn’t deserve them.

People. Wanda. You didn’t deserve Wanda. But you needed her. She probably thought you were so clingly. She probably hated you. Shit, what if she didn’t come back? What if she doesn’t come back from the mission? What if Bucky doesn’t come back from the mission? What if they all die and then you have no one and you`ll have to go back to your parents again? And Peter. He`s probably fed up with you, tired from having to put up with you all year. He`s probably glad to be at Aunt May`s and is probably never going to come back. Everyone who loves you always leaves. Either they get tired of you or fate just takes them away. Its not fair, you should be stronger than this.

Everything felt so wrong. You were feeling too much but it felt like nothing. You were so overwhelmed that you couldn’t focus on anything and you just felt empty. Empty. Nothingness. God, you wanted to live. You wanted to feel something. Anything. You wanted to be happy. But what if you couldn’t? 

Your hands started to shake and your eyes blurred. Your vision swam as you started to hyperventilate. No, god, you needed to pull yourself together. No anxiety attacks. Stop it. Get over yourself.

You needed to do something. To feel something. In a daze, you walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. Sitting on the floor, you pulled out your safety pin and razor. Staring at them on the floor, you warred with yourself.

“You shouldn’t, you don’t deserve to feel better, youre probably just doing it for attention anyway.”

“Just do it. Get it over with. It will make it all go away.”

You picked up the safety pin and opened it. The first one was always the hardest. Taking a breath, you watched transfixed as you sliced into your thigh, drawing a long red line. It didn’t draw blood. God, you couldn’t even hurt yourself right. Angry tears started to fall as you drew along the same line, harder this time. The skin separated and blood started to well up. But you didn’t feel better. So you tore open your scar from your bullet wound. Still nothing. You barely felt it and all the emotional bricks were still in your chest. This had to make you feel better. It had to. 

Frustrated, you picked up the razor. Your arms so far were untouched; you could get away with jeans. Leggings, or long skirts in the summer but people asked questions about long sleeves. But your mind was too wrapped up to care anymore. Pressing it into your skin, you made one cut after another, forming diagonal lines along your forearms crying the whole time. Why couldn’t it all just go away? Maybe it would this time, you thought, watching the blood run down your arms and on to the floor. Maybe the blood would carry away all of your hurt. 

Maybe you should just end it. Life never loved you, anyway.

The painful feeling in your chest disappeared, leaving you dissociated and empty. You couldnt do it.

So you just stared at your arms, unfeeling and barely seeing.

\---

Tony had put Morgan to sleep around 9:30 and took an early night, crawling into bed with Pepper. Around 11, though, he woke up. Something felt wrong. He didn’t know what it was but something wasn’t right. Did he forget something in the lab? Did he start the dishwasher? Did he accidentally cut a wire in that jet pack he was working on and it was going to explode in the middle of the night and kill them all? 

Rolling over, he sighed. But the feeling wouldn’t go away. He tossed and turned for over an hour. Then all of a sudden, something felt really wrong. As he sat up in bed, he tried to focus. What was it? 

Pepper began to stir, rolling over and stroking his arm.

“Mmm, whas wrong, luve?” she slightly slurred, still half asleep. Before he could answer, FRIDAY pierced the silence.

“Sir, Y/N is hurt. She is currently–“

Tony didn’t wait to hear what the AI was going to say. He shot out of bed, yanking pants on and running out of the bedroom. He took the stairs, flying down two at a time.

“FRIDAY, where is she?”

“Her bathroom, sir.”

Shit, did she slip in the shower? With her concussion, that could be really dangerous. What if she hit her head again? What if she was unresponsive? What if she wasn’t? She would probably have a panic attack if he barged in there. Maybe he should get Pepper instead. 

But he didn’t, already at her bedroom door. He knocked.

“Y/N? Are you in there?”

No answer.

“Are you okay?”

Nothing.

“I`m going to come in, okay?”

Tony carefully opened the door and walked into the bedroom. She wasn’t there. The bathroom door was shut and the light was on, though. He walked over to the door, knocking.

“Hey Y/N? Are you ok?”

There was no response but Tony heard the tiniest whimper.

“Y/N, its me, Tony. I`m going to come in, ok?”

He struggled with the door but it was locked. 

“FRIDAY, open this goddamn door right fucking now.”

There was an audible click and Tony practically ripped the door off its hinges. His heart stopped beating at the sight in front of him. Fuck. FRIDAY had meant THAT kind of hurt.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here`s where sarah gives you all a big virtual hug.   
> and more hugs are coming.  
> before you keep reading; take a breather, get a drink (tea if thats your thing too), maybe tissues?  
> everything will be okay soon, i promise.
> 
> i love you all.


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds Y/N and takes care of her.  
> Basically, aftercare and some love for everybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: no actual self harm happening but i do graphically talk about the scars and Tony observing the damage and everything. So yeah, it is still triggering. dont read if youre not safe.

Tony`s heart broke as he took in the scene before him. Y/N was sitting on the bathroom floor with a razor in her hand, staring at the blood dripping down her arms. She didn’t even look up, made no sign of having heard him. She was dissociated into the next dimension. All Tony saw was all that blood and the angry red cuts all over her thighs and arms. His vision swam as he quietly crouched down.

“Hey, Y/N. Its me, Tony. Can you hear me, love?”

She blinked once but didn’t turn to him. A tear dripped down her face, mixing with the blood on her arm.

“Y/N, honey, I`m going to need you to put down the sharp thing, okay? Just give it to me.”

Slowly, she looked over to Tony, sitting on the floor at her side, and hands shaking, she placed the razor in his outstretched hand. Tony started to cry as her eyes stared straight through him, unseeing.

“Tony, what–“

Tony spun, seeing Pepper standing behind him, hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. She had clearly just burst in. Hearing a shuffle behind him, Tony turned to see that Y/N had scooted all the way to the far wall and was curled up in a ball. Shit.

“Okay, Pepper?” he continued talking in a calm soft voice. “Can you take this please?” Both their hands shook as they exchanged the razor. She started to wash it off in the sink as Tony carefully scooted closer to Y/N. She looked down at the ground as she reached out and placed a safety pin in his hand. If it was even possible, Tony`s heart broke again. He handed it to Pepper before turning back to Y/N.

“Y/N, is it okay if I touch you, sweetie?”

She nodded frantically, barely in control of herself. Tony carefully reached out and took her hand. He turned her arm over and internally swore. It was a mess. Most of the cuts weren’t so deep that they were life threatening but she was still bleeding badly. Tony couldn’t even focus on the wound on her leg that she had reopened. That was going to have to get stitched again. Gently, he leaned over and kissed her arm. With that, Y/N broke.

The most horrible, gut-wrenching sobs erupted from her body as she began to shake. Tony pulled her into his arms as she wailed, broken and in pain.

“I-I-I`m s-s-s-o s-sor-r-ry, I d-d-didn’t m-m-mean to!” she cried. “I tried t-t-to fight it, I really d-d-did!” 

Y/N clutched at his shirt as she curled up in his arms, sobbing. Tears streamed down Tony`s face as he held her; Pepper sat down next to them on the floor and stroked Y/N`s back, crying as well.

“Its okay, Y/N. You fought so hard. We love you.”

At Pepper`s words, the girl cried even harder. “You cant love me! No one can!”

They continued to hold her as she fell apart. “Why cant I just be happy? Things were supposed to get better, why didn’t things get better? Why cant I get better? Why cant I just end it? Why do I still feel like this, it hurts so much!”

Tony and Pepper made eye contact, remembering a time years ago when Pepper had found Tony in a similar position. She had picked him up off the floor then and now it was his turn to pick up Y/N. He kissed her forehead.

“I know it hurts, honey. Just let it out. We`re right here.”

She wailed even harder, body shaking and choking on her tears. 

“Dad, I`m scared!”

Tony and Pepper froze. She had called him Dad. Overwhelmed with love, he squeezed her tighter.

“I know youre scared. Its okay to be scared. Those voices in your head are really loud and its so hard to fight them all the time. You’ve been fighting them for so long. Let us take care of you now, we`ll get through this together, okay?”

“But you shouldn’t have to! I should be strong enough!”

Tony shook his head. “No, Y/N, you don’t have to be strong enough. We love you and want to help you. Please let us.”

They stayed like that for another 10 minutes, curled up on the floor as Y/N calmed down again. The bleeding had mostly stopped. When Tony was sure that she was slightly stable again, he spoke.

“How about we go get you cleaned up, okay?”

She nodded against his chest, weak and exhausted. Pepper helped Tony stand and waited as he scooped up Y/N in his arms. Together, they made their way down to the lab, Tony pressing kisses against Y/N`S head the whole way. When they walked into the lab, Tony saw Bruce asleep at his desk. 

Placing Y/N gently on the table, he said to Pepper softly, “Can you take him out and explain?” 

She nodded, gently shaking Bruce awake. She ushered him out quickly and shut the door, but not before Tony saw Bruce make eye contact, face white. 

“Mom, don’t go!”

Tony felt Y/N weakly clutch at his shirt. Nodding to Pepper, he calmed Y/N; “its okay, she`ll be right back, she`s not leaving you.”

When Pepper and Bruce had stepped out, Tony turned back to Y/N. He gave her a chocolate bar from the drawer; she ate as he worked in silence, washing off her arms and thighs and cleaning them off with antiseptic. He put healing ointment on them and stitched up her bullet wound again. She barely flinched and he could tell she was still out of it. Finishing, he looked into her eyes.

“Is that all of them?”

Tears dripped down her cheeks as she lifted up her shirt, exposing more cuts on her sides. 

He breathed in. “How long?”

“A little over a week, I think, maybe.”

Without a word, Tony cleaned those as well.

“Alright, so how are we going to protect them?” he asked her when he was done. She bit her lip.

“I`ll wear long sleeves, it`ll be fine.”

He raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Quietly, she answered him again.

“Maybe you should cover the one on my thigh so I don’t go after it.”

He nodded, placing a large bandage over it. Then he pulled her in for another hug.

“Y/N, you`re not alone anymore. I`m right here for you, whenever you need me.”

Finally, she hugged him back. “Thank you.” She whispered. “Thank you for taking care of me and not yelling and still loving me.”

Bruce and Pepper slipped back into the room.

“Y/N, we will always love you. You are a very strong woman who has suffered a lot. Its really hard to learn how to be okay when you`ve never been allowed to before. We love you; when you fight, and when you cant. Don’t shut us out. Don’t hurt yourself, okay?” Pepper stroked her arm as she spoke.

Y/N nodded, still crying a little. “I`m so sorry.”

Bruce came up to her other side. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Y/N. Did you make a bad choice? Yes. But it was because of some very real and painful emotions and memories that are trapped inside you. That’s okay. But we need to find other ways to let those emotions out.”

Bruce made her drink three glasses of water and some crackers before letting Tony and Pepper take her up to bed. They were not about to let her out of their sight so she ended up snuggled between them in their king-sized bed. No more words needed to be said. They let her cry as long as she needed to and just held her, stroking her back and kissing her forehead. Eventually, they all drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand heres another virtual hug from sarah.  
> more tea, more cozy blankets, more tissues, more cuddles.
> 
> to anyone who has self harmed before or experienced feelings like this:  
> i am so sorry. i wish this story could be real, so that we all had a Tony and Pepper to pick us up and wash us off and bandage us up and love us in spite of it all. im especially sorry to the people who, like me, have had people who dont understand, who blame us, who judge us. im sorry that life is so terrible and lonely and heavy, that its all too much. i cant tell you that its going to all disappear, or that you`ll stop self harming and feeling like this forever. all i can say is that life has to be better than this. it has to. i dont know how or when, or why some of us have to suffer this way, but someday i have hope, i have to believe that it will get better. we just have to keep breathing for it. 
> 
> a special note to everyone (specifically anyone who is currently self harming):  
> my loves. you are so much more than this. you are fighting so hard, for so long, you are being so strong. and i am so proud of you for choosing to keep breathing. if you read this story anyway despite the warnings, if you were triggered and self harmed, i`m not mad at you. i`m not angry, i dont hate you. you dont need to pretend for me. i wish i could be by your side right now to tell you that i love you, that i value you, that you have meaning and worth. you are not alone. you are never alone. i understand and i am here for you. i dont write this story for attention, or to dramatize depression and self harm. i write it because i`m weak and i cant keep all my emotions and trauma bottled up inside. i write it so that i dont have to let my emotions out through cutting. do i mess up sometimes? hell yeah. but i have to choose to pick myself back up and try again. and i want the same for you. i want you to find the reasons to pick yourself back up and try again. i want you to find the thing that works for you, the thing that you can safely do to cope instead of hurting yourself. i want you to be able to keep yourself safe because you find yourself worthy of love and life. please. reach out to me-talk to me. i dont completely understand this website, if you can message me privately or not. but here`s my email. feel free to use it if you need someone to listen and get you through a rough night. dancingdove15@gmail.com
> 
> its been a rough couple of chapters here and its been a rough couple of weeks. i want to thank you all for sticking with me through this journey, as i process and project. from here on out, its going to be recovery and healing and fluff and love. likely little slip ups here and there because healing isnt a highway. but nothing like the past few chapters. i promise you. not in this story anymore. Y/N deserves to live and be happy. no more suffering.
> 
> i love you all. so much. stay safe out there. live. dream. hope.
> 
> and wait for some happier chapters :) cause i wanted to get all this out of the way and i need to write now.


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper calls someone to help with emotional damage control for Y/N.

The next morning, there was a little bit of a child switch. Pepper rolled out of bed, leaving Tony and Y/N asleep as she went to go make Morgan breakfast. Not letting Morgan in the bedroom, she got her ready for the day and called Aunt May. Happy took Morgan to Aunt May`s for the day and brought back Peter Parker. As he walked in the door, Pepper immediately sat him down with a cup of coffee.

“What`s going on, Mom? Is everything okay? Does Dad need me?” Peter rushed.

Pepper took a deep breath. “Yes and no, Peter. Last night–“ here she paused, trying to find words.

“Last night, we found Y/N in the bathroom.”

Peter shot up instantly.

“She`s okay now, Peter. She didn’t try to kill herself. But…it was bad. She`s really really not okay. I figured that she needs us right now. All of us. Everything we can give her. And I know that you’ve helped her through this before so I wanted you to be here.”

Peter collapsed back down on the chair, head in his hands. “Shit.” His voice wobbled. “I never should have left.”

Pepper came over to him. “Its not your fault, Peter. She has twenty years of trauma to work through, it wasn’t going to happen overnight and there’s no way you could’ve prevented this.”

Peter sighed. “Yeah but I could’ve been here for her.”

“But you’re here now and that’s what matters.” Pepper said firmly. There was not going to be any more self deprecation in this house.

“Where is she?”

“She and Tony are still asleep.”

“Actually, ma`am, they have just woken up.” FRIDAY interrupted.

Pepper put on a bright smile. “Good, lets take them breakfast.”

Peter barely made it two steps through the door when Y/N started crying again. He immediately swooped over to her and wrapped her up in his arms. They stayed that way for awhile before eating. 

It was a slow day, trying to carry on as normal but more gentle. They worked in the lab for a bit, sat outside for awhile, ate a lot of food. Tony stayed on top of the mission and assured Y/N that it was a success, that the team would be home tomorrow. They didn’t make Y/N talk; they knew that there wasn’t much to talk about. They`d rather focus on the present and future than the past. The day passed quietly, ending happily when they all decided to watch a movie and eat ice cream. Everyone got their own personal container of ice cream and they settled in to watch something funny. Tony and Pepper squeezed each other`s hands when they heard Y/N laugh out loud, freely and happily. Things were rough right now but soon, they would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE, IM BACK!!!!  
> sorry its such a short chapter, I havent really written anything this week at all. i havent really felt any inspiration to work on this story so its been on the backburner. instead, i`ve been writing a shit ton of slam poetry for the book i`m writing. so yeah, thats coming along really great and Im really proud of it and excited to put it in print. also i got a job so im pretty busy between that, summer classes, and writing stuff.
> 
> im hoping i get some inspiration for this story because emotionally, im not feeling it. if anyone has any ideas, please comment and let me know. i refuse to give up on this story.
> 
> so yeah. thats whats up with me. i love you all!


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda gets back to the Compound.

Tony looked at Peter and Y/N curled up on the couch. They had fallen asleep there last night and Tony hadn’t the heart to wake them. Morgan was home but Peter would be staying as long as Y/N needed him. May understood.

Tony took a deep breath as he walked out to the landing pad. The team would be landing any minute and Tony would have to explain to Wanda that he wasn’t able to keep his promise. He would have to face her and tell her what had happened, that he had failed. It was terrifying and he felt so incredibly guilty. If he had been more aware, this wouldn’t have happened. He knew Wanda would probably lose it on him and possibly hate him again but he just hoped she would be able to pull herself together and be strong for Y/N afterward.

Tony stood in the wind as the quinjet landed. Everyone stumbled out, alive and relieved but a little banged up. Tony gave everyone hugs, grateful that everyone was home. He noticed that Wanda had a cut across her arm, deep enough to need stitches but not currently bleeding.

“Hey Wanda, do you want me to stitch that up for you?” Tony asked.

She shrugged. “Sure, where`s Y/N?”

They began walking back to the Compound and Tony decided to give the easy answer for now. “Oh, um, she`s still asleep.”

Back in the medbay, Tony was stitching up Wanda`s cut. Halfway through, he took a deep breath. It was now or never.

“So don’t freak out because you`ll rip the stitches out but I need to tell you something about Y/N.”

He felt Wanda freeze, trying very hard to control herself from slapping him across the face.

“What?” she demanded through gritted teeth.

He continued to gently sew her back together, focusing on stitch by stitch. “She was doing really great with us, we played, danced, cooked and ate together, she even helped Bruce and I in the lab, did you know how good she is at figuring out how things work?”

“Get to the point, Stark.”

He sighed, tying off the last stitch. “Pepper and I found her on the bathroom floor two nights ago. She`s been self-harming again for almost two weeks.”

\---

Wanda felt all the air rush out of her, like the world had shut down and gone silent. Y/N? Self-harming? How could Wanda not have known? How shitty of a girlfriend was she if Y/N didn’t feel safe talking to her?

She felt Tony gently rub her back. “Its not your fault, Wanda. None of us noticed and we should’ve. Hell, I cant stop beating myself up about it. We should’ve noticed but we didn’t. But we know now and we have to be here for her now.”

Wanda wanted to be angry at Tony. How could he have let this happen? He was supposed to keep her safe! But she knew that he couldn’t keep Y/N safe from herself. Instead, she breathed unsteadily. 

“What had happened?”

Tony sighed and ran a hand across his face before leaning on the table. “FRIDAY told us that she was hurt; I thought maybe she slipped in the shower and with her concussion? But she was sitting on the tile floor just staring at her arms and legs, god there was so much blood, Wanda. I was terrified. I had promised you I would keep her safe and I failed; I`m so sorry. I keep going back and trying to figure out what I could’ve done differently.”

Wanda leaned her head against his shoulder. “I forgive you, Tony.”

“Pepper and I got the razor and the safety pin away from her but she was so empty, dissociating too. We eventually brought her back, I cleaned her up and she slept with us. Pepper called Peter over because he`s found her like this before so they’ve been together since yesterday morning. We haven’t really talked about it yet or what she`s feeling; we didn’t want to push her, plus we figured you should be here.”

Wanda nodded. Tony gently held her hand. “Be patient with her, Wanda. She needs you now more than ever. She`s fragile but she`s not weak. I…I used to self-harm and Pepper was the one who found me. I know they always say that you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you need healing but I would not have gotten out of that place without her. It’s the same for Y/N. She`s going to try and push you away because she doesn’t want to be a burden but she needs you now more than ever. She needs you to help pick up her broken pieces, to remind her that she is loved. She`s not talking yet, she`s actually pretty nonverbal, so we`ll cross that bridge when we get there but right now, she just needs love.”

Wanda slid off the table. “Can I go see her?”

“Of course. Do you want me to be there?”

Wanda bit her lip. “Maybe come with me. She might need you more than she needs me but I don’t want to overwhelm her.”

Tony nodded. “Okay. FRIDAY?”

“Miss Y/N is awake, sir. Peter took her back to her room and they are sitting on the bed.”

Tony and Wanda began the long walk of nerves to Y/N`s door.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeeeeeeeeeeee good chapter. i really liked writing honest, loving, dad Tony. he just wants the best for his kids and I love him.  
> thank you to everybody for comments and kudos, you guys keep me going. wanda`s is going to be a really wonderful and supportive girlfriend, i`m really excited for the next chapter.  
> love you all, stay safe out there!


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda and Y/N talk following Y/N`s breakdown.

You and Peter sat on your bed, your fingers playing with the fluffy edge of your blanket you had wrapped around you. Your Eeyore stuffie sat in your lap. You were overwhelmed. But you were safe. You had people to take care of you. A new concept but you were trying. Right now, you were just tired. You were too emotionally exhausted and scared to talk; this happened sometimes and Peter understood. 

When you had really bad breakdowns, you would “forget” how to talk. You knew how to but you just couldnt for a few days. You knew a little bit of sign language so you could get by; you probably could try harder to push yourself out of this state but you were exhausted. The Starks had told you that you didn’t have to until you were ready though, so for now, you just wanted to be cuddled until you felt better.

A knock at the door startled you. “Y/N? Can I come in?”

It was Tony. You nodded, Peter answering for you. “Come in!”

You looked up as the door opened. Next to Tony stood Wanda. Wanda. Your angel love. Your sunshine. Your safe place. The one who took care of you and loved you. From the look on her face, she already knew what you had done. And she was still here, at your door, with love in her eyes and all you wanted to do was collapse in her arms. And so you cried.

You broke like a waterfall and started sobbing. Soon her arms were around you and you had climbed into her lap. You gripped her shirt as you shook. You didn’t notice as Peter and Tony quietly left and shut the door behind them. You could feel her tears wet your shoulder as she rested her head against your neck. You signed “I`m sorry” into her chest over and over again as you cried. Gently, she untangled your arms from her.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Y/N. You fought so hard and I`m sorry I didn’t notice how you were struggling. I wish I could’ve been here for you.”

You shook your head, still crying. Hands shaking, you started to sign “No, I-“

She wrapped her hands around yours. “It is not your fault, Y/N. There is nothing wrong with you. You are so brave and strong. You don’t have to fight alone anymore, Im here, okay? Whenever you feel like this, come to me.”

She pushed your sleeves up and kissed every one of your scars. “I love you, Y/N. Each and every part of you. Every scar, every crack, every fear, all of it. I love you.”

She kissed you as you signed “I love you” into her hand. She kissed you until your tears had dried and you had stopped shaking. She wrapped your blanket around you more tightly and retrieved Eeyore from where he had fallen when you climbed into her lap. She held you for what seemed like hours, holding your hand as you both drifted in and out of sleep. Finally, she spoke.

“I know you aren’t ready to talk and that’s ok. I`ll be here no matter what.”

You signed your love back into her hand as you leaned into her chest, stealing her warmth. She wrapped her arms around you.

“Did you eat lunch yet?”

You shook your head. No but your stomach was starting to grumble.

“Do you want to go eat lunch with me?”

You hesitated.

“Too many people?”

You nodded. Wanda understood. You weren’t ready to face the rest of the team yet. 

“Hey FRIDAY? Is there anyone in the kitchen?” Wanda asked the ceiling.

“No, Wanda. The kitchen is currently empty.”

Wanda nodded, rolling out of bed. She picked you up as you squealed. “Now, we`re going to have lunch together. You don’t need to talk to anybody, ok? I will fight them all.”

And off you went, nestled safe in her arms on the way to eat food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody! Sorry its been so long! My family went up to our friend`s cabin for a few days and there was no wifi so I didnt write or post at all!  
> i hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, the no talking thing is actually a thing. sometimes talking is so exhausting and when coupled with trauma, it can be almost impossible sometimes.  
> im doing okay right now, been better been worse you know. Im just so done with quarantine. i want to start aikido but my parents dont want to let me go bc of corona....i want to go larp-ing but cant do that either bc corona. ughhhhh I WANT TO LIVE!!!!  
> anyway, i hope you all are doing okay! love you guys! again, leave comments, questions, or concerns below, im lonely and miss interaction hahahaha.  
> byeeee!


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tells the team and Y/N fights against the voices in her head.

You and Wanda didn’t have to worry about running into everyone because Tony had called everyone into the conference room to talk about the mission. When they were done, he decided it was time to tell them about Y/N. 

“Kid, do you want to be here for this? I know that you understand how she functions right now.” he asked Peter quietly as everyone started to get up. Peter nodded. “Sure, I can explain how she is after this happens.”

Tony gently squeezed his arm. “Hey, everybody, can you all sit back down?”

Confused, everyone plopped back in their chairs. 

“What`s this about, Stark?” Steve asked.

Tony sighed as he sat at head of the table. “We all know that Y/N hasn’t been doing well since her concussion but, well, none of us really knew how bad. Y/N…well…Y/N has been self harming for almost two weeks.”

Silence dropped over the room. 

“Pepper and I found her two nights ago in the bathroom. It was pretty bad, but she`s up and about now. The only reason I`m telling you this is because one, I consider her my kid at this point and we are the only family she has. She needs our support and love but we cant overwhelm her. Also, she`s not talking.”

Peter picked up when Tony stopped talking. “Y/N is becomes nonverbal when she has a bad episode. With the way her parents used to be, she would just completely shut down and she gets scared to talk. She knows a little bit of sign and I know you all do too because of Clint, but we just need to be patient with her, we need to love her no matter what and wait until she`s ready to talk about it.”

Everyone sat in silence for a moment. Then Nat grabbed the tissue box. Which led to it quietly being passed around the table. Sniffles and tear tracks ensued. 

Sam broke the tense atmosphere. “How was she, Tony? For real.”

Tony sighed. “Not good, Sam. It was a really bad night. I don’t know how to help her other than just being here. She needs therapy but I don’t think we should push her there yet.”

Peter shook his head, as Nat did the same. “Don’t push her there. She`s had bad experience with therapists. I agree, she needs it, but it needs to be her idea.”

“So what do we do?” Steve asked.

“We don’t do anything, Steve.” Bucky interrupted. “We live like normal, we treat her like she`s the same Y/N we all love, we just need to be more careful around her. No sudden movements, no loud voices, no acting like she`s something that needs to be fixed. We remind her what its like to live and we love her. That’s all.”

\---

Over the next two days, things were starting to look up again. You were able to spend all your time with Wanda, cuddling together, eating together, watching movies nonstop together. You knew your happiness was really fragile but as long as you were with her, you felt like things could be okay. You didn’t see the team often as you both rarely came out of your room, but Tony, Pepper, and Peter visited multiple times a day and you all were able to hang out and distract yourself from your thoughts. 

Tonight was team movie night. Everyone was gathering in the living room when you woke up from your nap. You wanted to go join them but immediately, your mind started shouting again.

You`ll just waste their time.

You`re such a drag to have around right now.

You`ll bring the mood down and everyone will hate you.

Just stay behind.

You`re all alone now.

You knew this mood wouldn’t last.

Now you can finally get back to the bathroom again.

With that thought, your heart dropped. You wouldn’t do it again, you couldn’t. You promised Wanda and Tony and Pepper and Peter. You promised. Your hands shook as you warred with yourself. You wanted to so bad but you wouldn’t. Throwing open the door, you ran down the hall to the living room.

Making out Wanda`s head over the back of the couch, your vision tunneled and you ran over to her, leaping onto her lap and burying your face in her shoulder. You realized you were crying. 

“Y/N, whats wrong?”

“I don’t wanna do it, I`m trying really hard not to do it, don’t let me do it!” You sobbed into her. Her arms quickly circled around you as she stroked your back.

“Shh, Y/N, its okay. You`re so strong, okay? You came to me instead of hurting yourself. That was so hard to do and I`m so proud of you.”

As you tried and failed to regain control over your breathing and crying, you could feel Peter on your left, Tony and Pepper in front of you, and Nat to your right. Wanda continued to speak soothingly to you as you breathed with her.

“Y/N,” Bucky said. “Its okay. We all understand. We are so glad that you came to us. We promise, its okay to struggle. Its okay to fall sometimes. We`re here for you now, okay? We all love you.”

You sniffled as the other Avengers gathered nodded and murmured agreement. Wanda nodded to Nat and gently helped you turn to face the redhead.

“Y/N,” Nat began. “I understand what you`re going through. Really. In so many ways. I…was where you are now once. Not for the same reasons but I picked the same coping mechanism. I got through it because I relied on other people and because I found a way to use those tools in a way that wouldn’t hurt me. It might not work for you but I want to help you, we can at least try. Whenever you`re ready, though. I don’t want to push you. This takes time.”

You nod, blinking the tears away. “I know, I just didn’t think it would be this hard again. Its been so many years, so many times that I`ve done this and I keep thinking its going to get easier.”

Nat shook her head. “It doesn’t get easier. But you learn to shout over those voices in your head when they start to scream. You learn to fill your head with the voices of the people who love you; you learn to seek out people who love you.”

You smile and then wrap your arms around her. She quickly returned it; her hugs were so warm and comforting. You felt safe.

“I want to try. Maybe tomorrow?” you asked, snuggling back into Wanda`s side.

Nat smiles. “Of course. Now what movie do you want to watch?”

You drifted off to sleep surrounded by cozy blankets and the cuddles of your new family, who loved you and helped keep you strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> technically, its still saturday night?
> 
> sorry guys, im a shit writer right now. I havent written anything since like, last week, even though I said I would. the inspiration is just not flowing. I think Im going to write some other stuff, maybe a short story and a new series. (im not abandoning this, though. i just wont update every few days like ive been doing.) because what would my life be without being overcomplicated? HAHAHAHA!!!!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked this! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know any ideas for where you think this should go or any requests for new stuff so I can distract myself until the inspiration train comes back to to the station.
> 
> I love you all, stay safe!


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat and Y/N bonding over sharp things.  
> Also, someone comes to visit.

“Okay, step one. Stop looking at it like its going to eat you.”

Nat`s voice pierced through your anxiety, making the voices in your head suddenly shut up. You were currently in the gym with Nat, standing in front of a table of throwing knives and a target. You were terrified. First of all, you were afraid to pick up a knife, to give yourself that power to hurt yourself. Second, who the fuck threw knives except for Nat? You would literally accidentally stab your eye out or something terrible.

“Y/N, you have to teach yourself to not be afraid. You are in control, not the voices.” She stood next to you. 

“I understand. Its really hard to pick it up after you’ve hurt yourself. I used to do the same. But you are strong and you can overcome this. Take back that power. I am right here and I wont let anything happen, ok?”

Nat came up to your side and squeezed your hand once. Nodding, you forced your hands to be strong and not shake as you reached forward and picked up a knife. You could do this. You were in control, not the voices.

\----

Thunk.

The sixth knife struck the target, right outside of the center. Finally. You squealed, jumping up and down before dancing over to Nat and throwing your arms around her.

“I did it! I can do it!”

She laughed. “Of course you can. You can do anything.”

You smiled. “Thank you Nat, really.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I expect us to train at least twice a week.”

Your groan was interrupted by the door flying open.

“SISTER Y/N!” 

You spun around after jumping a little. “Thor!” You exclaimed, running over for a hug. You could really use a Thor hug right about now. His arms swept you up and spun you around as you giggled. He squeezed you tight before whispering in your ear, “You are a brave warrior, little sister.”

With that, you knew he had been briefed on your whole breakdown. Sniffling a little, you smiled up at him as he set you down. The rest of the team had filed in and were watching your joyful reunion. Thor cleared his throat and turned to Tony.

“There was a slight altercation on Asgard involving some warriors set on assassinating my brother. I was wondering if he could stay with you, Man of Iron.”

Tony sighed. “Sure, fine, why not, his room`s still here.”

With that, a raven-haired fellow [i`m sorry, I couldn’t resist] appeared next to Thor. Loki, you remembered. Things weren`t tense anymore between the Avengers and Loki but you did remember hearing about some pretty intense prank wars. You smiled; maybe there could be more.

Loki glanced at you before smiling. “Well hello there. [you know it…general kenobi] And who might you be?”

All of a sudden there was a hand clutching your arm. “Mine.” Wanda said firmly.

You smothered a laugh as Loki`s eyes danced. Clearly he already knew that. “Well met, Wanda dear.”

You finally couldn’t contain the giggle. “I`m Y/N.” you said, going to shake his hand. With a wink at you, he kissed your hand, eyes sliding to Wanda who was currently fuming and sputtering. Planting a kiss on her cheek, you whispered in her ear, “And you`re mine.”

Tony cleared his throat. “Well, now that we got that little power struggle out of the way. Thor! Are you staying for the night?”

Thor clapped his hand on Tony`s shoulder. “Yes, brother. I expect a night of merriment and laughter.”

“AND BOOZE!” Loki shouted.

Laughing, everyone dispersed. You looked at the clock. Three hours until dinner. Just enough time.

“Hey Wanda?” you smiled to your girlfriend. “Wanna help me cook tonight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki: who dis?  
> Wanda: dis mine  
> Loki: i respect.  
> Loki: but also, lets make her jealous
> 
> also, i know nothing about throwing knives, can you tell? hahaha
> 
> YAYAYAY I HAVE INSPIRATION!!!  
> Thank you to everyone who keeps leaving comments and keeping me going. I love you all so much and I would not be in a good place without y`all. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Coming up, we have more yummy food chapters, slightly drunk bonding, a possible prank war, and the best squad on the face of the earth.
> 
> Also, what is new in the world of sarah? well, sarah has decided to start not one, but two more stories! check out my other works and let me know what you all think of those.   
> Also, I get to go back to school! yayay! but im probably going to get coronavirus bc my college is making me go get tested so i will be in contact with people who have it at the facility i have to go to even though ive stayed in my house all quarantine, so big angry.
> 
> Im trying to throw myself into work and school and writing before I have an existential crisis. ive been thinking a lot of grown up thoughts lately about me and my life and decisions i need to make and its all really scary and overwhelming so i`m going to be doing a lot of projection in order to deflect all that stress off of myself.
> 
> you are all amazing, thank you for supporting me and encouraging me! let me know how you all are doing, we can get through this!


	41. Chapter Forty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda and Y/N make dinner for the team and then have a night of drinking and mischief.

Gods bless the Cuisinart.

You and Wanda were currently in the kitchen cooking dinner. You had decided to make ratatouille for dinner because it was fucking amazing but goddess! All the slicing! Tony had a top of the line Cuisinart so you were able to fly through most of the vegetables. Now, you and Wanda were finishing stacking the last few vegetables, placing them in the cast iron skillet. Covered in foil, it was slipped in the oven. As you cleaned up, the two of you danced along to Billy Joel, stealing kisses here and there. One makeout session later, the oven went off. After taking the foil off, it went back in for another twenty minutes. You both hurried to set the table.

“FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Y/N, I will notify everyone that it is happy hour.”

Not three minutes later, everyone was in the kitchen with some sort of drink in their hand. The ratatouille came out of the oven and everyone was in awe. Serving it over linguine, you watched as everyone fell in love with your food.

“Lady Y/N, what is this incredible meal?” Thor asked through a mouthful of pasta.

“Ratatouille” you answered.

Morgan quirked an eyebrow. “Rat patootie?”

The entire team burst into laughter. After everyone wiped the tears from their eyes, Tony sighed. “Kiddo, no one else is ever allowed to cook for us again. The few months that Y/N has been here, I have never eaten better.”

You smiled. “Thanks da-I mean Tony.”

“Speaking of months,” Peter interrupted. “Are you going to be coming back to Clearview?”

Aaaand silence dropped over the table. You set down your fork.

“No I don’t think I will. I need time and I need to figure things out. Clearview was really wonderful but it was an escape for me; I wanted to be there to not be at my house, not because I was interested in my major. For right now, I`m just going to call it a break, maybe one semester or two. But I don’t really know what I`m ready for yet. I don’t know what I`m doing. But that’s okay.” You nodded as you finished, looking over at Wanda, who squeezed your hand. Yup, you belonged here.

\---

Two hours and two trays of brownies later, it was a party. You nursed a beer, watching as Nat outdrank Thor. You weren’t planning on getting drunk but you were definitely close. The couple shots with Bucky probably hadn’t helped. Whatever. You were safe here, cuddled around Wanda as you held hands.

“WANDA!’ Nat shouted. “I need some backup!”

Laughing, Wanda untangled herself from you and made her way over to Nat, switching places as Steve sat down in Thor`s seat. Oh it was going to be quite a night, you thought to yourself, watching your girlfriend taunt Steve. All of a sudden, an arm was looped through yours and you were dragged over to the barstools.

“Y/N!” Bucky sat you down. “Welcome to the squad!”

Loki and Bucky were on either side of you with a line of shots lined up in front of each of you. You grinned.

“Hey boys. Whats our code name?”

Bucky frowned. “Hadnt thought that far ahead.”

You took a shot. “Well, both Maleficent and I have parent issues, pick your poison.”

Loki guffawed. “So we all have authority issues. Something with anarchy.”

Many shots in, you all were thoroughly and righteously drunk in pursuit of a squad name.

“`M GOT `T!” you shouted, slightly slurred. “W`re the Anarchical Assassins!”

“YAY ANARCHY! Bucky shouted.

Loki frowned. “But you`ve never killed nobody.”

You snorted. “I tried to kill myself!”

You all clinked glasses on that one.

“Suicide Squad?” Bucky asked after throwing one back.

“No, that’s already a thing.” Loki shook his head.

“Bu` we so mush betta!!” you pouted. “We jus` need Harley!”

You all finished off your last shot as Loki snapped is fingers, making a bottle of water appear in front of you. You blinked at it. It needed to stop moving.

“So we got rule problems and we all wanted to die.” You reached out, fumbling before loosely grabbing his hand.

“Scar sisters, Barnes.” You consoled.

Loki took your hand as well. When did you end up in a circle on the floor?

“Scar sisters,” he confirmed. 

So you all drunkenly swapped stories, tumbling as you traced each other`s scars. Somewhere in between tears and giggles, Loki looked up from your lap.

“We`re so badass. We`re badass bitches. Death Divas. Tha`s our name.”

“Hell yeah we are” Bucky chorused from the floor next to you. “Nobody can stop us. We`re unstoppable. We`re the best.”

“No one else here stands a chance” you said solemnly, before giggling again.

Loki quickly sat up, a gleam in his rather unfocused eye. “We could take them down.”

Bucky also sat up, only swaying slightly. “Prank war?”

You cackled. “Prank war. Courtesy of the Death Divas.”

From the other side of the room, Wanda, Thor, and Steve sighed as they watched them whisper.

“We`re so in for it, aren’t we?” Steve murmured.

“Only if they remember in the morning.” Wanda said as they separated the three tricksters and carted them off to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORTY CHAPTERS???!!! YAY TEAM!  
> Honestly, cannot believe how far this story has come. I am so grateful for all of you guys, you are all amazing. Again, please comment with ideas, questions, concerns, you know the drill.  
> Please enjoy this beautiful mischief squad [Death Divas forever!]. I love Y/N, loki, and bucky bonding over trauma and trouble. its going to be so great.


	42. Chapter Forty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Divas instigate a prank war.

Death Diva or not, waking up was hell.

You groaned as you rolled over in Wanda`s arms. After making it to your room last night, you had thrown up. So you slept some of your hangover off but goddamn. This was shit. You felt like shit. Alcohol was a sweet death and you had not only flirted with it, but dragged it back to your apartment and proceeded to ride its dick into oblivion. 

Wanda chuckled into your back. “You said that out loud, love. And I can tell you, there was absolutely none of that last night.”

You groaned again, not even trying to speak. Ten minutes later, Wanda dragged you out of bed, helped you into clothes that didn’t smell like alcohol, and led (i.e. basically carried) you downstairs.

Collapsing on the table, you closed your eyes against the bright lights until Wanda pressed a beautiful cup of tea into your hands with a fruit cup and croissant on a napkin. Half your cup of tea later, Wanda sat down next to you with her coffee. Brave enough to speak, you hoarsely whispered, “I love you so much” followed by a kiss. Your moment was interrupted though as your new partner in crime bounded into the kitchen.

“Thank goodness, someone finally agrees that tea is superior!” Loki announced as he reached over your shoulder for your tea. You promptly growled and curled around it.

“Don’t fucking do it, prissy pants. Is mine. Get your own. Also, why the fuck are you so happy? Pretty sure that’s forbidden by the god of hangovers.” you grumbled as you swatted his hands away.

He laughed. “No, I just sleep it off better than you mortals.”

“Whatever.”

\---

Two hours later and after a much needed shower, you were sitting on your bed, scrolling through pictures and videos from last night. Gods, you had gotten hammered. Only a little bit of shame. Only a little. Your scrolling was interrupted by a knock at the door. “Come in!” you called.

The door opened to reveal the one and only Bucky Barnes learning against your doorframe.

“So. Death Divas.” He smiled. “Ready to plan this prank war?”

You shot up. “Hell fucking yeah! I thought we were kidding though.”

Loki appeared behind Bucky and waltzed into the room. “Never joke with the god of mischief. It is never a joke.”

And so, the two boys say on your bed with you as you drew out plans and diagrams and notes in a notebook, plotting the best prank war.

\----

It began on a Monday morning. Bucky sat at his post in the kitchen while you and Loki watched from FRIDAY`s live feed. Bucky would be the least suspected and had the best poker face so you made him the front lines man.

Tony Stark stumbled, bleary eyed into the kitchen and bee-lined straight to the Keurig. 

“Rough night, Stark?” Bucky asked.

Tony only waved a hand. “Myeah. See first of all, –“ 

Stark continued on his nonsense tangent as Bucky watched, nodding here or there while Stark waited for his coffee to finish. Tony picked up his mug, distracted by his science talk and took a big gulp.

Before spitting it across the room.

At this point, Bruce and Sam had wandered into the kitchen and were watching the billionaire wash his mouth out. 

“What`s up, Tony?”

He spun around to face Bruce. “Someone put goddamn leaf water in the coffee machine!”

Confused, Bruce checked the Keurig before sighing. “Tea, Tony. Its called tea. You must have just grabbed the bag of tea instead of the bag of coffee. That’s what happens when you stay up all night.”

Tony rubbed his eyes blearily as Bucky silently made his escape. He was barely able to shut the door to your room before all three of you burst into giggles.

“Did you see his face?”

“Leaf water! Ha!”

“Bruce looked so done with his shit, it was perfect!”

After reveling in your success, you began to plot out Phase 2 of the Great Prank War.

\---

The prank war lasted for four days. Each prank became more ridiculous and obvious until finally, you revealed yourselves. On the first day, you replaced Tony`s coffee with tea. You also replaced the fancy creamer with straight up milk so everyone`s coffee wasn’t as sweet as usual. 

On day two, you disconnected the cables from the weight machines; the funniest was Steve, gearing up to pull 200 pounds and promptly fell flat on his face from the lack of resistance. The confusion decorating his features afterwards was priceless. Day two also saw you switch up the entire pizza order; every pizza was half of someone else`s toppings, as well as the opposite size. The choruses of “this has never happened before” and “they must have been really frazzled tonight” almost caused the three of you to burst out in giggles but you reigned it in. 

Day three, you reset everyone`s alarm clocks to go off at 11am, meaning everyone missed training except for the three of you. The look on Fury`s face was gold; you quickly let him in on the secret and the man WINKED at you! He then proceeded to supply the opportunity for the best prank ever; he walked into the kitchen as everyone sat for lunch and slapped down a two inch stack of paperwork at everyone`s spot. Meaning everyone spent the rest of the day panicking over paperwork as the Death Divas watched TV all day. 

On day four, you replaced the sugar with salt. You had Loki magically embed all of Natasha`s knives into the wood target. Steve`s shield was hidden under the TV cabinet; he was too tall to actually look under there. You bedazzled Sam`s Falcon wings in various shades of rainbows and sparkles. Thor`s hammer was painted the most obnoxious shade of pink and orange you could find. You had FRIDAY reprogram all the light switches so that you had to turn the switch off in order for the lights to be on. It was glorious. 

Finally, the three of you prepared dinner. When it was ready, you called everyone down. As they walked in, FRIDAY released glitter from the air vents all over the Avengers. After you peeled yourselves off the floor from laughing so hard, the three of you explained the pranks you had been doing and everyone had a good laugh as well. As dinner progressed, you could see everyone making a mental note to absolutely never mess with the Death Divas again. The squad then high-fived each other under the table.

Drunken shenanigans accomplished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIII EVERYBODY!!!!
> 
> Yes, I`m still alive! I havent been writing because Ive been super busy with summer school and work and being depressed. Shit`s gone down, my dudes.
> 
> [beginning rant]  
>  I was sent an email by my college saying that I`m not allowed to come back bc corona; so im stuck in my house for the entire foreseeable future and I want to cry. I really dont know how im going to do it, y`all. So my friend and I decided to start making me an emergency evacuation list, in case I need to leave. Which is a scary thought but its necessary. Because I`m so done with my family`s religious stuff, its oppressive and hateful and not how I want to live. Also, ive been talking to someone! My friend introduced me to one of her friends and we`ve been talking and she`s really cute and I`m excited! But i`m also not going to hide her if this does become a relationship so I can see myself getting kicked out in the near future. I refuse to go to conversion therapy so imma just yeet out of here before that. If anyone has any tips or anything, please message me. im really scared.  
> but yeah. i have the butterflies for the first time in literal years. so life sucks but it also doesnt! :)  
> [rant over]
> 
> so im really sorry for not writing but life and motivation have said no. but i`m back now! yayayay! ive missed you all so much! I hope you enjoyed; please comment suggestions for where to go from here!  
> stay safe out there! love you guys!


	43. NOT A CHAPTER: AUTHOR`S NOTES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DONT PANIC, IM NOT CANCELLING THIS WORK
> 
> also, i curse a lot.

Heyyyyyyy everybody......long time no see.....

i know its only been 16 days but it feels so much longer.

before anyone panics, this is NOT a "I`m cancelling this work" note. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I love this work too much to do that to you all or myself.  
so why are you writing an author`s note where there should be a chapter, sarah?

well.  
guys, its been rough. i know i`ve been saying that for awhile and you`re probably bored of hearing it. but its still rough. and its kind of a different rough.  
but first, good things:  
1\. i`m still talking to that girl. we havent really talked about whether this is a relationship thing or just friends but thats ok for now. will explain later.  
2\. i finished summer classes with bomb-ass grades.  
3\. i made dean`s list for last semester.  
4\. im proud of who i am and confident in my beliefs.  
5\. my parents havent kicked me out yet.  
6\. i finished my disney princess summer job and they asked me to stay on for the fall!

you might say, well sarah, why are things rough then?

things are rough because of the following itemized list. hahaha.

1\. i was involutarily relocated to live in a hotel off-campus because they accepted too many freshman and also corona. and my parents didnt like that idea. so i have to stay home for this semester.  
now, this was affecting me so fucking much for about a week bc i was like, how the hell am i going to get through the next 5-6 months. but i`m over it now. it sucks but this is life and i`ll get through it.

2\. my fucking room. i have shared a room with my little sister since i turned ten. my sister is six years younger than me but she has a lot of disabilities so she`s actually more like 8-10 years younger than me. its a lot to share a room with any hormonal teenager but this is a whole trip.  
well.  
she decided she wanted a loft bed. and my dad, being the person he is, decided to make a loft bed. except he made it bigger than he planned and the ladder is not detachable. so it only fits in our room a certain way. meaning i had to move all of my stuff and now have one-third of the room space. i was so fucking pissed about this and still am, kinda. but i`ve been trying to reclaim my space by moving all my school stuff to my desk and working in my room. and its helping a little, so yay.

3\. school started again. enough said.

4\. i`m lactose intolerant! which isnt a huge thing but its definitely a little annoying, having to limit what i`m eating because my body will literally get rid of all of my food in unpleasant ways if i do. (tmi, sarah, tmi)

5\. possible relationship/crush. i want to have a relationship, i really do. and logically, i could make long distance work if its a good relationship.  
but i`m clingy!!!!!  
we`re already so good at talking so if we have a relationship, i want CUDDLES! i want them ALL the time, WHENEVER i want them. and you cant do that if its long distance!!! can anybody relate? like, i`m literally not telling this girl that i like her because if i do, i`ll want to cuddle and will be sad that i cant. ugh.

6\. i`m going out on a limb here. please dont hate.  
over the past few months, i`ve been doing some research and some thinking and i have discovered that i am an age regressor, mainly because of childhood trauma. this is a big thing and a scary thing because when people hear that, theyre like "ooh, KiNkY!!!"  
NO! THATS NOT WHAT IT IS!  
because of my childhood trauma, i had to grow up really fast. i missed out on a lot of childhood experiences and my feelings got all jumbled up. my emotions and perceptions dont process like adults do all the time because i get stuck in the mindset of the scared and confused kid i was/am. so what does that mean?  
it means i am so fucking lonely. i`m not always in control of it; i like stuffies and blankets and cuddles and picture books and apple juice and kid things because it makes me feel safe. and i so desperately want someone to take care of me because i never had that. i`ve recognized this about myself and its a lot. i`ve told one other person about this who actually knows me and i still dont really feel comfortable talking about it. i just want somebody to hold me and tell me that they can take care of me, that i dont have to right now.  
and how have i coped with this? reading fanfiction.  
i have immersed myself into safe fanfiction about the avengers and non-sexual age regression. not healthy, i know. its becoming a bit of an obsession because i`m so desperate to feel cared for and loved that i pretend that fictional people are real. its not healthy but its all i have right now.

so now youre all like, "woah, sarah, thats not what i was expecting when i started this and i am overwhelmed with your oversharing". and i am very sorry. it is a lot. but i wanted to share because i feel like i needed to explain why i havent updated. and I KNOW that i dont have to, that its ok and you are all wonderful people who care about me before my work and im so grateful for that. 

But I feel like i owed it to myself to explain it. I have not felt any inspiration or motivation to write because i feel like i dont understand these characters anymore. i based the main character off of me and i feel like such a different person. i dont know what direction i want to go in but i dont want to give up. i literally had forgotten everything that happened in this story and had to go back and read it all tonight. i just feel so disconnected from everything in my life right now. and not in the dangerous, sarah you need help kind of way. just like, disconnected. kinda just staring into space blankly.

so what`s happening with this story?

i`m not going to force myself to write a character that`s basically me if i dont understand her anymore. I AM NOT ENDING THIS FIC! i think what i`m going to do is wrap up this part and then start a part 2, because lets be honest, there`s so many chapters here, its nuts. i need to write more about y/n and wanda and tony and pepper being awesome parents and maybe even y/n being a regressor. because let`s be honest again, there are SO MANY regressor parts in this fic that i didnt notice until i re-read it....i was projecting so bad.  
so i`m going to wrap up this part with a happy ending; if you feel uncomfortable about regression, be happy with the ending i give you and go away. thanks for reading, but i`m not tolerating any hate. i need this for my own sanity and survival. i am being selfish and doing what i need. if you vibe with that, please continue reading part 2! i thrive off of comments and support.

now.  
that being said, i want to open up something to take requests. i think it will help me to have this work that i write for me and then side one-shots and short stories that i write for you guys. i`m just going to try it out with a couple, try to expand my works, see if it works for me. because i need this, i need to feel useful and functional and like i`m helping people and connecting with people. 

this is a long fucking note. summary!  
1\. sarah is sad, unmotivated, lonely bean.  
2\. sarah is doing her very best to be strong and get through this.  
3\. sarah is NOT ENDING THIS FIC.  
4\. sarah is going to write a Part 2 and focus on different things that she needs to process.  
5\. sarah wants you to give her things to write. teach me how to ask for requests. please.  
6\. sarah could very well wake up tomorrow, regret this oversharing breakdown, and completely change her mind.

i love you all so much, thank you for bearing with me and getting through this stunning mental breakdown of a therapy session. please, comment anything as long as its not mean. if its about the story, if its about life, if its you relating to me, anything. human connection is in short supply over here.  
i will be wrapping up this story with probably 2-3 more chapters in the next two weeks. stay safe out there, guys. love you all!

also...side note. does anybody know the name of that fanfic thats bucky/reader and reader is a whole mess and a half, like tony is constantly picking her up after one night stands and overdoses. i know thats dark af but theres some bombass character development and i forget the title. i just vividly remember this scene where she goes out with this guy and it ends up with some bad decisions and the whole team goes to pick her up and tony is like, bucky, stay outside, and he doesnt and finds her strung out on the bed with some random guy character. again, probably not the shit i need to be reading but i remember really liking the whole story. if anyone knows it, please let me know! i cant page through all 404 pages of bucky/reader fics....


	44. Chapter Forty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I`M BACK!
> 
> This chapter features a summary of what`s been happening at the compound, Wanda and Y/N have a heart to heart, Y/N decides she wants to start therapy, and bonding time with Tony.

As soon as it had begun, it seemed the summer was over. So much had happened, you knew that, but it felt like barely any time had passed at all. It didn’t help that you felt like you hadn’t made much progress. You knew that you had but your head said otherwise. 

Peter moved back into Clearview with promises to visit at least once a month. Morgan entered elementary school. Sam and Steve started up their veteran`s program again, instead of the occasional picnic they had over the summer. 

You spent your days in the lab with Bruce and Tony, learning how to work with the machines and helping with drawings. It was good; you really liked hanging out with Bruce and it was great to spend time with Tony. Then, you would make dinner with Wanda, Bucky, and Nat. Loki would come to visit a lot more than they used to, teaching you more about witchcraft and magic. You were becoming semi-proficient; it was pretty exciting for everyone on the team.

Also, you had the best girlfriend in the world. You two had basically moved in together and slept together every night. Date nights became a thing; if you weren`t on a date with Wanda, you were probably out with the Death Divas causing a shit ton of mischief or having a girls` night with Nat. 

You still had nightmares though. Every night, you woke up panicked and Wanda had to help calm you down. Which brought you to where you are now, sitting on the bathroom floor after a panic attack, Wanda holding a cold washcloth to your neck as you tried to take deep breaths.

“Wanda?”

“Yes, love?”

“I think I need therapy.”

Wanda paused. “What makes you think that?”

You sighed, calming your shaking hands. “This mess isn’t going away. The nightmares are still here. I`ve been through a lot and I need to figure it out, I need someone to figure my brain out. I`ve tried before but it didn’t work because I was still living in that house. Now, I`m free and I need to try harder. Someone has to figure this out because I cant.”

Wanda stroked your hair back. “I think that’s a wonderful idea. But I think you should wait to make a decision until the morning. Take your time, take a few days. I`m so proud of you for recognizing this but let`s talk about it when you`re not coming down from a panic attack.”

You nodded, leaning back into her. You didn’t remember falling asleep but the next thing you knew, she was carrying you back to bed. Before she could become the big spoon again, you kissed her. 

“Thank you for being such an angel and taking care of me. I don’t know what I would do without you. You`ve picked me up and rescued me, with all my mess and everything. I am so happy with you and I love you so much.” You held her face as you spoke, tearing up with how grateful you were for her.

She gently pulled your hands off her face and held them. “Y/N, you are the most important person in my life. I wouldn’t trade the past few months for anything; I am going to fight for us. We are something beautiful.”

\----

You sat on the floor of the workshop with Tony. You had taken over a day to think about starting therapy and thought it was time to ask him if that was even possible. He had asked you to come down to the lab to tinker with parts for a new machine and now the two of you sat, passing tools back and forth as you played with the 3d blueprints. Green Day blasted in the background as you thought about bringing up the topic of therapy. As you opened your mouth, he started talking.

“So I did a little research and I found out that your birthday is in four days. Care to explain why you didn’t share?” He asked, smiling.

You blushed. “Yeah, ummm, well, birthdays have been less than stellar for me the past few years so I`m kinda over it.”

“But if somebody wanted to celebrate your birthday, you wouldn’t be opposed?”

You laughed. “If it makes you happy. I guess it would be really great to have some good birthday memories.”

Pausing, you nudged him. “There`s no family I`d rather celebrate my birthday with, by the way.”

He beamed. “Okay good! Because I already started planning and everything!”

Before you could protest, he continued. “Don’t worry, its not a huge thing. Just the Avengers and our families, meaning Barton`s family.”

You smiled. It would be good.

“So what do you want for your birthday?”

You laughed. “Really really good cake.”

Tony laughed too. “I mean, that`s basically a given. For real though, what do you want?”

You paused, looking down at your hands. “I don’t really know, I have everything I ever wanted. I have a family who loves me and incredible friends and Wanda; I don’t know.”

As he turned back to the machine, you spoke up. “Actually, there is something but its not exactly birthday present material. I was going to talk to you about it anyway. I`m thinking I should start therapy.”

There was a bit of a pause as you rushed over your words.

“I mean, its never really worked before because I haven’t been in the right headspace but I want to try now. I want to get better but I can only do that if someone else is helping me and guiding me and figuring out how much my brain is screwed up.”

Tony smiled. “First of all, your brain isn’t screwed up.” As you raised your eyebrow, he snorted. “Okay, maybe a little. But its not your fault; it’s a result of trauma. I`m really proud of you, Y/N. This is a big step. I`ll find you the best therapist I can.” 

He wrapped his arms around you. “I think this will be really good for you. I`ve been in therapy for years and its really helped me. But it only works if you’re ready for it and you are.” He kissed the top of your head. “Now, back to party planning.”

You laughed as the schematics in front of you were swiped away and replaced by an extensive list of party materials. Stroking your hair, Tony smiled. “Kid, I`m going to give you the best birthday you`ve ever had.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY I WROTE!   
> For those of you who didnt read my last author`s notes chapter, i talked about whats been going on with me. my high functioning depression has hit a bit of a low the past few weeks amidst other things going on so writing was a nope. BUT IM BACK! My schedule is going to be unpredictable but I will be writing!
> 
> To recap, what i`m doing is wrapping up this part of the story and then starting a Part 2. I`m so excited for Part 2, I have so many ideas and have already planned like, 15 chapters!
> 
> So this chapter was all over the place because I was trying to wrap up loose ends and prepare for the final chapter, as well as the storyline for the next installment. It wasnt great, I know. That whole Wanda/Y/N scene was less than stellar. (their relationship is going to be goals in the next installment, I promise) The final chapter is going to be sooooo good....
> 
> I love you all! Please comment, I have no shame in asking constantly hahaha. Stay safe, stay healthy. Take care of yourselves!


	45. Chapter Forty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N`s birthday.

“Y/N! Wake up! Its your BIRTHDAY!!!!”

You vaguely became aware of a squirming Morgan on your bed, between you and Wanda. Opening your eyes, you saw Wanda blinking blearily as you both looked at the little girl, bouncing with excitement. Grinning, you and Wanda tackled her, pulling her down under the covers as she laughed.

“No! Let me go! Its your birthday!” She giggled.

You smiled. “But what if the birthday girl wants cuddles? Wanda, should we enforce the cuddle rule 3000?”

Your girlfriend winked at you. “I don’t know, Y/N. Cuddles are the best birthday present!”

Just then, your stomach rumbled. All three of you burst into laughter. Morgan squirmed out of your arms and bounced out of bed. “You`re hungry, birthday breakfast first!”

She proceeded to drag you out of bed by your arm. Down the hall, you stumbled before Morgan stopped, pushing you into the kitchen. Tony and Pepper turned with a smile. 

“Happy birthday, sunshine,” Pepper said, pulling you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around her. Tony quickly wrapped you up in a hug as well, Pepper pushing your tea into your hands. You smiled at them both.

Tony crouched down to Morgan. “Now, Morgan, what did we talk about?”

Morgan nodded before turning to you. “Miss Y/N, will you please follow me?”

You giggled as Morgan led you to a seat at the other side of the counter. After you sat down, you quickly helped her up onto the barstool beside you as Wanda perched on your left. Tony slid each of you a plate stacked high with pancakes, decorated with whipped cream, sprinkles, and strawberries. “Birthday pancakes for the birthday princess and her ladies.” Pepper placed a crown on your head as you laughed.

\---

After breakfast, Pepper, Wanda, and Nat took you out to get your nails and makeup done. They refused to tell you what your dress looked like, leading to laughter as you tried to guess. Your nails were a midnight blue, softly tapered with a rhinestone at the base. Your makeup was neutral but perfect. Finally, you all headed back to the Compound. The party was in an hour, so you had enough time to get dressed. Dropping Pepper off with Tony and Morgan, Wanda left to get dressed as you and Nat headed towards your room.

Stumbling in through your doorway, you stopped short as Nat stood behind you. Draped over your bed was the most beautiful dress you had ever seen. It was knee length and silver, with lace at the neckline and the bottom of the dress. It was stunning; screaming “BIRTHDAY DRESS” without being ridiculously fancy. Tears in your eyes, you smiled as Nat hugged you from behind.

She helped you into the backless dress, carefully doing up the tiny little buttons at your waist. Refusing to let you look in the mirror, she brought a curler and a few pins out of the bathroom. Even though your hair was really curly anyway, she did some pieces so that they would curl away from your face and pinned them back. She also pulled out a simple flower crown of baby`s breath and lily of the valley and pinned that on top of your head. You slipped your feet into simple, midnight blue flats, and gave a twirl for her. You both laughed.

“Nat, I really wanted to thank you for this, for everything. For teaching me how to get myself back, to fight, for being the older sister and protector I never had.” You wiped away the tear that was trying to escape. “You are such an important person to me and I love you so much.” Your voice only cracked a little bit as you finished, hugging yourself.

Nat walked up to you and caressed your arms. “Y/N, I love you too. And so does every single person in this crazy family. You are meant to be here, you bring so much joy and light to our dark stressful little world. Never doubt for a moment that we need you.”

You both hugged each other as you relished this moment. It was interrupted by a knock at your door. The usually stoic assassin wiped a few tears away before smiling and walking over to open the door. Wanda stood outside in a pair of lavender slacks and a tucked in white shirt. Her face lit up at the sight of you.

“You`re freaking gorgeous, Y/N.” she said.

You blushed. “Awh, thanks. Its almost like you`re my girlfriend or something.”

She smirked, walking over and nudging you. “Imagine.”

Nat had disappeared to go get dressed herself. Wanda looked into your eyes.

“I know I should wait until the party but I wanted to give this to you now.” She pulled a pouch out of her pocket, handing it to you. You kissed her cheek before opening it; opening present in front of people always made you so anxious.

A delicate silver bracelet slid out into your hand. It seemed to be made of entwined silver vines, with small leaves. She carefully clasped it over your wrist; it fit perfectly. You were in awe.

“Wanda, its beautiful, I–“

She cut you off with a kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed as you cradled her face. She eventually pulled away.

“Y/N, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t be doing this without you. You’ve brought me so much joy and happiness and I love you.”

“I love you more,” you whispered, leaning your forehead against hers.

“I love you most.”

“I love you infinity.”

“Infinity plus one. No takesies backsies.”

You both giggled before she extended her arm. “My lady?”

Wrapping your hand in hers, you nodded. “Lead the way.”

\---

As you and Wanda walked into the living room, you paused, dumbstruck. There were a lot of people here. Looking around, you saw the whole team was here. Steve, Bucky, Thor, and Loki were leaned up against the counter, eating cookies and drinking. Morgan and the Barton kids were playing on the couch, having already constructed a blanket fort. Nat was already dressed and here; you didn’t even want to know how she moved that fast. She was cooking in the kitchen with Bruce and Sam while Clint, Laura, Tony, and Pepper set the table, laughing together about their kids.

All of a sudden, you were swept up in a Spider-Hug. You laughed as Peter swung you around.

“HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” He crowed. Everyone turned to you and shouted as well.

When Peter set you down, you smiled. “Thanks, everybody.”

Clint and Laura Barton made their way over and both hugged you.

“I`m so glad you could make it!” you sighed.

Clint smiled, arm slung around Laura`s shoulders. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Laura gestured over to the blanket fort. “Our kids are somewhere over there. Their names are Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel. Our youngest, Ana, is only 3 weeks old. Pepper is letting her nap in the nursery right now.”

You smiled. “I cant wait to meet them all.”

After the Barton`s drifted away, presumably to locate their children, the wind was knocked out of you as Thor crushed you in a hug.

“SISTER Y/N! IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HERE TO CELEBRATE YOUR DAY OF BIRTH!”

You laughed, hugging him back. Thor hugs were the best. Suddenly, you were whisked away from the living teddy bear by Bucky and Loki.

“The bar?” Bucky asked.

You nodded. “The bar.”

Loki poured you a drink. As the three of you sipped your drinks, Wanda appeared in your midst. “Uh-uh, not tonight. It`s MY girl`s birthday and she`s not spending it getting drunk with you. We are not doing this again.”

You whined as she pulled you away, watching the boys laugh behind you. You quickly found yourself in the arms of one Tony Stark.

“Hey sunshine, happy birthday!” His chest rumbled as you smiled. You leaned back, giving Pepper a hug.

“You look beautiful,” she whispered in your ear.

“Hey birthday girl!” Sam shouted from the kitchen. “Get over here and tell me if this is done!”

You made your way behind the counter as Sam held up a spoon for you to taste. Flavors exploded in your mouth after tasting the sauce. Giving a thumbs up, you snuck over to Nat and stole a piece of steak off the cutting board in front of her. Smirking, you slipped out of her grasp and snuck over to Bruce. You smiled at him, nudging his arm as you watched him arrange the platter of cooked vegetables. 

“You want help?”

He shook his head, pulling you into a side hug. You rested your head against his shoulder before you were suddenly attacked by a hoard of children.

“Y/N!” Morgan squealed as you turned around and swept her off the ground. She giggled as you set her down. 

“Y/N, this is Cooper and Lila and Nat-Natha-“

“Nathaniel” you smiled, correcting Morgan and crouching down to the toddler`s level. He reached out, took your hand, and began to drag you over to the blanket fort. The rest of the kids were about to herd you inside when they were swept up by their parents.

“Food`s ready!”

\---

Groaning, you pushed back from the table. You had eaten entirely too much pasta and garlic bread but it was too freaking good. You looked around the table at your new family and smiled. Together, you all began to clean up, packing what little leftovers there were for the Barton`s to take home. Halfway through, little Ana woke up and you got to carry her around, bouncing her in your arms and singing to her as she played with your bracelet and curls. You were in love.

Suddenly, there was cake and more drinks. Halfway through your cake, you were maneuvered over to the couches and everyone settled in around you. A table of present appeared in front of you and you felt a little overwhelmed by all of this.

Peter swept in to your rescue though, forcing himself in between you and Wanda as he handed you a gift bag. Wanda pouted, exclaiming as she tried to push him off but he stuck to the couch. You laughed and began to open the bag. You pulled out a soft oversized sweatshirt in dark blue. He turned it over to show you the back. SPIDERSISTER was printed across the shoulders in red lettering. You squealed and slipped it on over your party dress, thanking him over and over.

Wanda finally succeeded in booting him off and he reclaimed a spot sitting at your feet. Steve and Bucky handed you a rectangular gift next; you unwrapped it to reveal a brand new sketchbook, a watercolor paper pad, and new paints. You got up and hugged them both.

Next, Bruce handed you a cylindrical tin. Opening it, you saw it was filled with tea leaves. It was his favorite tea, one that the two of you shared while working in the lab at odd hours. You smiled at him, excited to have another cup and share more time together.

Sam passed you a box sheepishly. You laughed upon opening it, realizing why. Three packages of cookie dough sat inside, reminiscent of your first meeting with the Avengers. You all giggled for a moment as you opened one of the packages, breaking it apart and passing it around. Who would’ve known, all those months ago, that you would be here again, sharing cookie dough?

Clint and Laura handed you a gift next. Opening it up, you found the most awesome fleece lined denim jacket. Arrows were embroidered around the cuffs and bottom edge. You bounced up and down, hugging it. Wanda stopped you from putting it on over your sweatshirt and getting overheated. Instead, you tripped over to the Barton`s and gave them the biggest hugs.

Thor`s gift wasn’t wrapped but that was okay because it was a flask of Asgardian mead. Your eyes lit up, just before Wanda took it out of your hands. "Not tonight," she scolded you. “Thank you, Thor.” She said, shooting him the evil eye. You laughed.

Loki was next, giving you a simple card. Inside was a gift certificate to a tattoo shop. Both Loki and Bucky`s names were signed. You looked up with a gleam in your eye as both the boys winked. Oh yeah, Death Divas reunion coming soon.

Nat handed you a heavy, perfectly wrapped box. Unwrapping it, you lifted the lid only to gasp. Inside were a pair of badass black, laced combat boots. You kicked off your flats and tied them on, dancing around the living room. Everyone clapped, laughing. Natasha leaned over to you and whispered in your ear. “There`s knives in the heels.”

Morgan`s gift was a beautiful drawing of the two of you together, playing in the yard. You gave her a tight hug and promised to frame it and hang it in your room.

More cake and drinks were had and you thanked everyone profusely. It was overwhelming, how much love was poured out on you. Eventually, the party died down; the Barton`s went home, Thor and Loki went back to Asgard, Steve and Bucky made their way back to their room, Morgan went to bed, and everyone else dispersed. You were left curled up on the couch, snuggling with Pepper and Tony.

Tony took a deep breath and you felt him hold you to his chest as he leaned over and picked up an envelope off the side table.

“Y/N, this is for you from Pepper and I.”

You gently opened the tabs, sliding out a piece of paper. You gasped, tears jumping to your eyes as you read it.

“We know that you`re 21 now and frankly don’t even need this. But we wanted to make sure you knew that your place here, your place in our family, is forever. We love you so much and we`re never letting you go.”

It was an adoption certificate, making Tony and Pepper your legal guardians/parents. It changed your last name to Stark. 

You were too overcome with emotion, tears streaming down your face as you stared at the legal document in your lap. Your hands shook as you tried to process this.

“Do you like it? Are you okay?” Pepper asked. 

You nodded dumbly before bursting forth and wrapping your arms around her neck. 

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much, this is so overwhelming and I love you guys so much and I`m so fucking happy right now, I love you so much!”

Tony pulled you into his lap as the three of your cried together. You had a family now, a real one. You were safe and loved and everything was going to be okay.

Sniffling, Pepper passed the tissue box to you and Tony. As you blew your nose, he laughed quietly, rumbling against your back.

“Thank goodness you like it. If you didn’t, we have a motorcycle waiting for you in the garage.”

“What??!!!” You jump up, shocked and excited. They laughed.

“A motorcycle?” You bounced around. “Will you teach me how to drive it?”

Pepper pulled you back down. “No, that’s Natasha`s job. Tony risks enough as it is.”

You smiled, leaning into your new parents` chests as they wrapped their arms around you. You thought of Morgan and the Barton kids; you thought of Sam and cookie dough; you thought of Thor and his hugs, of Bruce and his quiet friendship; you thought of Nat in all her badass glory and kindness; you thought of Steve, of Bucky and Loki, the best brothers anyone could ask for; you thought of Peter, who brought you into this beautiful family; you thought of the strong couple framing you, misunderstood by the public but the kindest and most loving people you knew. You thought of your girlfriend, waiting for you in your bed. You smiled.

This was family. This was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we made it. I want to cry.  
> 53,475(ish?) words. Forty-three (and some) chapters. 5 months. My first fanfiction.  
> Part One is complete.
> 
> I could not have done this without all of your support, all your kudos, your comments that kept me going even when I thought I couldnt, your understanding when the writing had to stop. This community is something absolutely mindblowing and wonderful to me and I`m so grateful for you all joining me on this journey.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know I did. It was a beast of a chapter, SO MANY WORDS! But it was so beautiful and worth it.
> 
> There will be a Part Two for this story, I`m going to start writing it really soon. I have so much inspiration!!! In the meantime, please go check out another work of mine that I recently put up. Its called You Dont Have to be Invincible and it has a playlist. Im so freaking proud of it.
> 
> Anyway, please comment, let me know how youre doing, how you liked the conclusion (for now!). I cant wait to bring you all part two! I love you all; stay safe! Until next time!
> 
> p.s.: if anyone wants to draw Y/N in her party dress, combat boots, flower crown, and spidersister sweatshirt, I would die of happiness.


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